I need to get you guys hooked on Floribama Shore. I am so much more down for the brawling in bars with twenty somethings than the staged crap on the housewives with grown folks. When last we left this show, Candace, who I thought was the only level-headed girl on the show started a bar brawl. I admit to running my mouth a bit back when I was her age, but I don’t ever remember causing this much trouble. I did once mouth off to some Harley guys when I was a teen and walking past them with my boyfriend who had a Honda and saying, “Get a real bike, buy a Honda.” This was not wise.
So currently, the house feels like this local at the bar made a homophobic slur to Gus and Candace sort of lost her mind on him, and now there will be another ridiculous bar brawl. They are seriously going to run out of places to film at this point.
When everyone escapes jail AGAIN and gets back to the house, Jeremiah mentions that his brother is coming to town the next day. Nilsa is thrilled that she might finally have someone in the house that will have sex with her. Aimee says she whooped up on that local boy. She’s didn’t she just embarrassed herself. Somehow, a drunk house meeting is called where all the brawlers high five each other for having each other’s back. Jeremiah is the only one who thinks their aggressive nature is ridiculous. Kirk says it doesn’t matter how wrong the person in the altercation is, he will fight on their side. Jeremiah points out that is ridiculous. Kirk doesn’t want to hear it. Codi says that he doesn’t feel like Jeremiah has their backs. Jeremiah says he has younger brothers who look up to him. He’s not trying to make a bad example by going to jail. He cries in the DR.
The next day the crew takes a pontoon boat out to Shell Island. Candace is afraid of water, sharks, and boats. There was shark scare, that turned out to be dolphin, or a production trick. Other than that everyone had a good time.
Candace invites Matthew over to the house to hang out on the beach. Meanwhile, Aimee is concerned about her Ipsey bag arriving at her exes house. I had to google to see what that was. Apparently, it is a ten dollar a month subscription that sends out five makeup SAMPLES a month. Oh gurl. How Alabama are you? You are basically spending $120 a year to let people send you samples of shit they want you to buy. I should point out I spend $130 a year on a Planet Fitness membership and have not been there since 1972, so, pot meets kettle. BUT MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL GO! Apparently it was just an excuse to all her ex.
Matthew is a great guy and he is in the military stayed in Panama City. He’s 31 but I still like him for Candace. She is pissed that he likes strip clubs. Where is she from? People actually go on dates to the strip club down here. Then he gets a bit too descriptive about his manscaping. And he is easily distracted by other girls on the beach. Candace is ten times prettier than the girls he is checking out. Sorry Matthew. You gots ta go.
How are Nilsa and Aimee so horny and desperate? This boggles my mind. They are in their twenties, there are opportunities on every block. Plus they are in Panama City Beach! I’m sorry this was just not a real issue in the 80s.
Jerimiah’s brother Josh finally arrives. He’s a bit of a meathead so perfect for Nilsa. She tries to play hard to get while wearing a short minidress and a full face of makeup. Jeremiah tries to play the poor card. He is not poor. The brothers get drunk and bro out before everyone goes to Pineapple WIllies. Sigh. I vaguely recall Pineapple Willies. Aimee asks Josh if he eats ass. Dear Lord. Their sexual dry span all makes sense now.
Next stop, Coyote Ugly when did PCB get one of those? Nilsa finally makes their move and they have a really awkward kiss. Like a really bad one. Like a don’t kiss the prostitute one.
It’s time to go home and Aimee pulls down her panties and proceeds to pee in the parking lot. Because, classy. Noah and Nilsa try to improve their kissing techniques in the back of the cab. Codi seems to think that since Aimee rooms with Nilsa, he can get some from Aimee tonight. Aimee shoots that down. I think Aimee needs to take what is offered. Aimee says she loves him like a brother. Kirk makes an asshole comment to Aimee after she declares she doesn’t want to have sex with her male roommates that, “Never in a million years with someone else’s dick would he ever have sex with her.”
Nilsa manages to get Josh to sleep with her in front of her Jesus candle. It seem they both saw God.
Jeremiah tries to get Kirk and Codi which is apparently pronounced CODE EYE, how did I miss that before? To stop being disrespectful to Aimee. Instead of another bar brawl, Jeremiah wants to take Codi outside and teach him how not to be disrespectful to his female roommates.
Next week: More drunken crying in the bar.