Damn you MTV. I already have Rocky Top stuck in my head and I haven’t even started the show yet. Brings back my own redneck bar days. We begin tonight in the aftermath of the huge bar fight last episode where the cops came and started hauling people off. None of the
Real Worlders Redneck Rivierans were taken off by the Po Po, but it was close.
For a moment when we get home is it all love and lollipops. Aimee wants to write “that crackhead lady” a letter and thank her for unifying the Rivierans as the newfound redneck family they believe they just became. I admire Aimee’s faith in her ability to use the written word. Jeremiah stayed out of the fray and seems to be the only one embarrassed about what is going on and by far the most sober. Nilsa, whose little snot-nosed behavior started the whole thing, starts spinning tales that bear no resemblance to what we actually saw. Nilsa swears that people were putting down her appearance when what production showed us at least was one guy who said she would get a lot more of the attention she so desperately craved is she didn’t have such a shitty personality. Which is the straight up truth. There is nothing particularly unattractive about her until she opens her mouth.
Jeremiah tries to explain to Nilsa that it wasn’t necessary for the eight of them to become involved in a huge brawl in the middle of the highway where the police had to come arrest people because someone (she thinks) called her ugly. Of course she doesn’t get that. Then she starts in on how insecure about her looks she is. I believe we call this fishing for compliments.
Despite only being on her own for a handful of days, Kortni (sigh) is taking everyone home to meet her family who are locals. Obviously. But first they have one more night to terrorize Panama City Beach. Tonight they are going to a Cajun place. Jeremiah calls Kayla Jo and invites her along. He likes Kayla Jo better than anyone in the house.
The owner of the Cajun restaurant comes up with like four shots of Jameson whisky in each glass for everyone. Nilsa accepts this free drink, unlike declining rudely the night before which was the match that lit the tinder. Then her gives the following toast. “The ranger’s home is the forest. A sailor’s home is the sea. A whiskey lass and a hookers ass is home sweet home to me.” I can’t tell you how much I would have preferred that they had just sung Rocky Top. After dinner, Kayla Jo arrives. Nilsa is immediately being a bitch. She tells one of the other girls to ask her to start paying rent. Here we go again. Who is the root of all the drama in this house? Nilsa.
Nilsa could not wait for someone else to ask Kayla Jo for rent so she did it herself. KJ says she could not pay her enough to live there. After some brief semi-alone time on the beachside porch with Jeremiah, KJ heads home because she a job and a life the next day. Nilsa offered her a slice of pizza that she accepted to be kind and then her cab came and Jeremiah walked her out to it in the rain. She told him she didn’t really want the pizza and asked him to discretely dispose of it on the way back in. This was stupid. She could have taken it with her and thrown it out at her house. Clearly this is a production storyline. A scene later, Lo, and behold! Who found the slice of pizza the Jeremiah stuck on the railing by the front door? Nilsa. How convenient.
It’s off to meet the woman who named her child Kortni. I bet she got called Wortni a lot. On the way there, Nilsa makes a big deal out of the pizza incident that wasn’t and Aimee is all ready to fight KJ. Because Aimee and Kortni apparently really like getting in physical fights. Kortni’s mother is…. lovely. She has a cute house and seems completely sane. Is Kortni adopted? I could not deal with the angry parrot that bites though. Well, all question about whether or not Kortni was hatched by aliens and raised by wolves in the wilderness before being sold into some sort of underground fight club to be used as their practice opponent goes completely out the window when we are treated to her baby books that show everything other the actual conception. Instead the book begins at her birth and shows every single event in her life. Including her potty training which she clearly needs a refresher course on. Other than that, all of her extreme behaviors and poor decisions seem to be the result of the Stupid Name Curse. And perhaps the fact that there is no mention of her father.
Kortni’s mom asks everyone to tell an interesting fact about themselves. Aimee says she comes from a town with only about fifty people in it. So I think her is that her family tree doesn’t have enough forks in it. They only have a middle school and a high school. The closest high school is 35 minutes away. So she dropped out. See the letter writing was indeed an idle threat.
Gus says he has been on his own since he was 17. He tried to enlist but he broke his arm and was then ineligible. He’s been on the grind ever since and will be at FSU in the fall. He falls to mention he is a successful model and has several romance novel covers on his vitae.
Kortni’s mom says that she hopes being in the house will help her daughter mature because she has been fired from every job she has ever had. She laughs.
Candace has come up with similar conclusions about Kortni’s mom. She’s really sweet and sent them all home with tons of food and even alcohol. Kortni told her mom that she is closest with Candace and her mom thanked Candace for taking care of her daughter.
When they get back in the house Nilsa starts in about the pizza thing again. That is until she is told that Kayla Jo is Wiccan. It is then that I realize that Nilsa must be related to that crazy God Warrior women from Wife Swap who would rebuke things in the name of the Lord. Nilsa starts screaming about getting her Jesus candle and rebuking Kayla Jo in the name of the Lord. If you can imagine God Warrior, Nilsa manages to look even more ridiculous. They have got to be related to her in some way. I want to go meet her mama and I want to go right now. I bet there are photos of Grandma God Warrior on the in the living room of her trailer.
Oh Codi. I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for your! I defended you in the comment section last week! How can you be up there with the trashy girls playing along in this stupid witch games? And what kind of good old boy from South Carolina has rosary beads? Or doesn’t play nice with witches? Your home state is full of hoodoo priestesses! Stop playing, boy!
Gus catches wind of Codi riling up the girls (as if they need help with that) about the whole Wiccan thing. He suggests a house meeting to nip that crap in the bud. When Jeremiah asks the girls about it the go back and forth between saying it’s just a joke to saying that they are afraid to be around her. Nilsa tells Jeremiah he needs to ask people before bringing home outsiders. He says he’s not going to do that. She smarts off and he tells her to talk to him like an adult. Nilsa goes off about him talking down to women. First of all there is only one woman in the room and that is Candace and she has not opened her mouth. The others are a bunch of mouthy little girls. Nilsa starts asking Jeremiah who raised him to treat women like that. Um, am I the only one seeing that Jeremiah is trying to defend the woman that Nilsa and Aimee like to treat like shit all the time? He is asking for them to have respect for themselves and other guests in the house but of course, Nilsa makes it all about her being the victim.
Aimee and Nilsa jump up to start doing shots. Nilsa is pissed at Gus and calling him out of his name because she knows he told Jeremiah what a cunt she was being. Gus says once again, “Have respect for others and don’t talk about them like that.” Aimee says. “People pick on people all the time. It’s not that serious. You make it sound like everybody don’t say I’m gonna go fuck this THOT.” Gus asks when he has ever said that. Nilsa and Aimee go out side to smoke and bang back shots.
Gus is highly offended that they would say he speaks disrespectfully about women. He goes outside to demand examples and clarification. Aimee goes back to what seems to be these two bitches go to excuse. It was a joke! Jeremiah says he has two little sisters and a mother that he loved and he lived with seeing them disrespected and it breaks his heart for someone so tell him he is disrespectful to women. In Aimee talking head, she accuses Jeremiah and Gus of being way to in touch with their “Fema mim side.” Bitch should have walked both ways uphill in the snow to that high school. I just can’t with her. Has this cast gotten a paycheck yet? Because someone needs to check on some of these females when they do. Giving these fools any large amount of money will be the death of them if they don’t have someone to monitor them. I hope they don’t pay three of the girls until they are 35. I am seriously concerned for their lives. They are dumb and alcoholics. A stack of money is going to be the gas that lights that fire.
Gus is crying and Codi is being a fake ass piece of shit. Gus tries to explain that he has been through things that he doesn’t talk about and Nilsa, of course, cuts him off and makes it about her. Bitches. They must be getting DRAGGED on social media.
After the house meeting from hell, the crew finally goes out and shotguns some beer. Candace has been building a cute little relationship with a guy named Matthew. Nilsa goes to bother Jeremiah and again makes it all about herself. She does eventually apologize for bringing Jeremiah’s parents into the fight. I hate this girl. Point. Blank. And the period. I don’t see how anyone can stand to live with her.
Meanwhile, at Giant Jenga, Gus is playing with some random girls and some local guys says to another, “Look at the fuckers fucking hair.” Another dude is kind enough to tell him that he said it. Gus is already running hot tonight an drunk. This dude picked the wrong night. Actually the idiot who told him about the local guy talking about he was saying, “Cut your hair you fucking faggot.”
So both guys start bucking up on each other about the time that Kirk sees what is going on and runs over like some sort of super hero to save the day. Local guy pushes Gus back and all I am thinking is don’t hit Gus in his face! That is what is paying his way through FSU!
Security comes and separates them to opposite corners at the bar. Most all the Redneck Rivierans are all congregated together and getting filled in on what just happened. And one chick gets up to go defend Gus. Kortni? Aimee? Nope. Out of the clear blue sky Candace goes to have a word with the local. Candance has a few words with him while he laughs. She flips his hat off his head and then turns around back to their seating area and says “You ain’t gonna do shit about it.” The local walks straight over to her and leans down to her and says, “Listen little girl…”
Okay, remember Kirk, defender of all the house? He has been quiet as a mouse. He didn’t really get that involved with Gus’s altercation. He’s been sitting there eyeballing this guy for quite a while without moving or saying a word. There is another guy who is sitting the closest to protect Candace who might be Matthew, I’m not sure it all happens so fast. But as soon as the local opens his mouth, He starts standing. Kirk is still sitting. Then all of the sudden Kirk stands up, lunges at the guy and socks him. Korti is up! Candace is up! Possible Matthew is up! And everyone is going buck wild. Security literally picks up Candace!
So once again this episode ends in the middle of a brawl and Kirk may even catch a charge. Way to go Candace.