I’m going to have A LOT to say about this episode. The mere fact that Sheree’s storyline is that her fake life coach, Jack Daniels, suggested she do something for herself is hilarious. That is literally all she does. And it will eventually come crashing down on her. That loan-out corp she runs her paychecks through will be the beginning of the end. She’s been told the IRS can’t pierce it. But they can. It has been very cumbersome for all of the contractors she fails to pay though. It will catch up to her. That must have her living in fear.
We are back to the fight between Porsha and Nene where Nene’s bun barely survived and needed to be fixed by Marlo.cess. It is only a matter of time until Marlo looses the silk robe she chose to wear to a public dinner being filmed for television. Already my description defies all logic, but that is what we are dealing with this season on RHOA.
In a very public hotel everyone gets up and goes to the elevator with Nene except for Porsha and Sheree. Nene is screaming that Porsha would not even be on a show without her. She says “here” but they probably had to Frankenbite that in. Nene says Porsha sits on her show (The Dish) and lies every day. She ends with, “But we good. The door is closed! The DOOR IS CLOSED!” And finally production got a dramatic scene that they needed.
They didn’t get any decent footage on the streets of San Franscisco, so they had the girls sit at dinner until someone popped off. This forced fighting thing will happen again in wine country but with a different direction from production. San Fran was a total bust, and a production nightmare that had them filming super long days trying to get something usable. Because the girls running around having fun in San Fran in two different groups is not something they think we want to see. So that is when they called in Marlo. Le sigh.
Sheree can’t stop talking about how this is “her trip” as she consoles Porsha. During Porsha’s fake AF crying scene, she says she is not used to being around women who want to break her down and she can’t understand how the whole table left together. Well, Kandi is hongry. She gets very testy when production won’t let them eat. She’s probably headed for room service. Everyone who left has good reason to hate Porsha. Porsha has physically attacked two of them, spread heinous gossip about another one of them, and trashed talked another on The Dish. And Marlo? Well, she was clearly dressed for another paid engagement that she probably needed to get to. Luckily, Sheree had nothing better to do than pretend like she cared about Porsha.
Sadly, production is not finished with them yet. They shove the ones trying to escape into one hotel room. The first thing Kandi says is, “Y’all made us leave before the food came!” See! I knew it! But now, Nene is fired up for real and so everyone has to sit with her while she vents. Marlo says that they need to sit with Porsha one on one and say “Porsha, we love you as a little sister…” WTF? THEY ALL HATE HER! AND SHE IS PUSHING 40! Why does everyone on this show treat her like a child? Ha! Nene tells Marlo, “She ain’t that damn young! She’s almost forty years old. Please stop acting like she’s 21” Thank you Nene, and please run tell that to Bravo who is convinced Porsha is responsible for drawing the younger viewers that are so coveted by advertisers. I still don’t get that btw, I have way more money to spend now then I did when I was in my 20s paying rent, car payments, utilities, student loans etc.
The little sister line must have been planted by production and Nene is actually shading them with that comment because downstairs Porsha is suddenly talking about how Nene is supposed to be her big sister and she can’t understand why her big sister would run a smear campaign on her. Did she really just bring up the words, “smear campaign” when her entire last season was a smear campaign against Kandi? Those words must have come from production too because I don’t think Porsha even knows what that means. Then she blames Kenya for riling Nene up. At this point of filming, Kenya and Nene were just going along to get along. They were not off having a kiki about Porsha.
In Kenya’s talking head she says that Porsha got more support from these women than anyone. Cynthia says that Porsha has been on the receiving end of friendships but has never been a friend to anyone.
Porsha says that Nene has fucked over every single woman at the table. Which is true. Porsha said she is not kissing Nene’s ass. She says Nene could have shook that wig right off her head and she would not give a damn, her wig was coming up in the back anyway. She should have brought up Nene’s lack of edges. She dropped the ball there.
Kandi says there is nothing Porsha can say to change her opinion of her at this point. Nene says she will never be friends with Porsha but she has no problem being around everybody. Really? Because it seems like it is a problem for all y’all right now. Y’all just need to let Kandi go order some room service.
It looks like we are going to get some of the San Fran footage. But first Porsha has to call her mama and use the baby sister line again. I do not see why they are pushing this ridiculous agenda.
They have their own trolley to chauffeur them around town, so first they are all together on the trolley. Kenya has to leave San Fran early to go to her grandmother’s funeral. She’s made a video for the funeral that she shares with the girls. Porsha is still trying to work on her fake crying game so she tells us on a talking head that one of her uncles has passed away. Cynthia moves to the back of the trolley to check on Porsha. Cynthia thinks Porsha is crying because everyone hates her. Production seems to be having trouble deciding on a reason for Porsha’s breakdown. Cynthia points out that Nene told Andy on WWHL that she needed to be fired too and they were not friends for two years after that.
Nene, Kenya, Cynthia and Marlo jump off the trolley at Fisherman’s Wharf. Sheree and Porsha are stuck on the other scene alone. Cynthia was supposed to go with Sheree and Porsha but she refused. Politely of course. I feel like this may have been shot before the dinner scene we saw earlier. In fact, I think Marlo was edited into the trolley scene and was not even there. I say that because in real time, I was told that Marlo was called in for the first time during the Chinatown scenes. The reason for that was the two groups were basically getting along without her. If you go back and look at the trolley scenes, no one talks to Marlo except for Nene who calls her glasses. I believe she was really talking to Porsha and that is what sent her to be back of the trolley crying. The dead uncle story was completely fabricated. If I recall correctly the Porsha and Sheree even did a snapchat or an Instastory where they were waiting for Marlo to get to Chinatown. Then production began a quick setup at the hotel for “the wedding scene.”
Over at Fisherman’s Wharf, Nene let’s the girls know about Sheree’s Prison Bae. He’s a really bad dude. He was using religion to steal from people. You can find out about that here if you missed it. And Here. And most recently here where she visited him in prison in her “Wifey” t-shirt.It is all very scandalous. Nene swears thats she was not conned by him but that is the guy that Nene and Sheree argued about when she took a gig with Tyrone that Nene has first. That was an epic fight. Both Nene and Sheree have done shady things with Tyrone, and if I remember correctly Nene was pissed because she claimed to know Tyrone first. During the revelation Kandi says she hopes Tyrone isn’t trying to con Sheree out of her house, Kenya points out that he can’t do that because the house is not in her name. Also true.
In Chinatown, the script calls for these three fools, none of whom like Kenya to “do something nice for her.” So they come up with a wedding themed plan. This is clearly an attempt to humiliate Kenya. Nothing says “something nice” like humiliating someone who is mourning the loss of their mother. Marlo calls Nene who suggests they not tell Kenya or Cynthia.
Later at the hotel, Kenya and Cynthia meet up to chat and they are both wearing black jump suits. Cute. Meanwhile the cunts, led by Marlo begin the sabotage. Sheree continues to claim she has set up the wedding venue while shopping in Chinatown. Marlo tells Kandi that Marc is coming to the wedding. She’s confused. Then “flat Marc” arrives. He’s a cardboard cut out. And production wonders why Kenya was a cunt to them the rest of the season? This is disgraceful. Did I mention that her mother had just died?
What happened was the group had a problem filming at the gay club, so this is what production threw together. Some of those fools brought in for the wedding were people I sent to the hotel to spy. Because they were morons who signed releases, they refused to say much other than Kenya was being a bitch and made a huge scene. I didn’t find out until later what the real situation was. Also, some of those errr….unusual men were people who were supposed to be at the gay club, some of them were supposed to perform but production got to one of the most popular clubs in San Francisco and realized they had n no way to light the scene without a huge mess and there were also strobe lights going on and other nefarious things. So this was literally what came together at the very last minute very late at night after like 16 hours of filming. That means that the Chinatown scene where the three cunts filmed the “plan” also had to be shot the next day making them late as hell to the wine country. It’s amazing what length the editors go to make an entirely fake episode.
Kenya doesn’t let them see her sweat on camera. The entire thing was awful. Then Porsha gives another shitty apology to Kandi who could care less.
On the train to wine country, Kenya and Kandi are stuck sitting across from Porsha. The train looks amazing. I want to go on a train trip. I thought that is what I was doing when I went to Romania. A nice romantic train ride for one (ha!) through the Carpathians. Doesn’t that sound lovely? I was on vacation for two weeks and even though I only brought one carry on and one oversized handbag, my luggage was super heavy. Let’s just say a train full of gypsies that invaded at ever single stop was not romantic at all. Plus they didn’t announce the stops so you didn’t know the stop until you passed it, so you just had to look at the map and count the stops and pray you got off at the wrong place. I made it as far as Brasov and just stayed there for most of the trip looking out my huge hotel windows at the mountains and going to bars watching the Soccer world cup and hitting some tourist sites. It was fun, but I have yet to take my romantic train ride.
Kenya is chatting up a storm about her new husband and how he likes her to be very fit and not wear makeup and she trying to be less alpha now that she is married. I love to hear newlyweds talk about their weddings and new marriages. I seem to be the only one because Kandi and Porsha seem beyond disinterested. Speaking of new men, Nene tells Sheree that her prison bae is going to come out the same old scammer as he went in as. Sheree didn’t want to hear.
Kenya runs to the ladies room leaving Kandi and Porsha alone. But not for long. The other foursome calls Kandi to ask about Porsha’s apology. Porsha talks to Kenya about her apology. It’s almost like someone is telling them what to talk about. LOL. So many scripted conversations.
The owner of the vineyard is an over the top gay buy who teaches the girls how to open a bottle of champagne with a sword. Then he feeds them grapes. None of this is seductive. But Porsha and Marlo both show of their special skills. Then they stomped some grapes. I think production and the ladies had a feud about having to film that scene. No one wanted to do it. Somehow in the end, Nene was not forced to participate.
Kenya had to leave Napa Valley early to go to her mother’s funeral. Kenya does a ridiculous talking head where she says she finally feels like the ladies all support her. And they say Kenya is not a great actress.
The remaining ladies have a final dinner. First they have some special wine that is dedicated to John Legend. Nene says that it is really good, but she won’t be going on social media anytime soon to ask who she can blow for a case of it. BLOOP!
Sheree toasts Kandi for her Essence cover shoot. If that is seems odd to you, it is because that is what the script calls for. Was it written to celebrate the success Kandi is currently having? Um, noe. Nothing in the script is about celebrating women, darlings. It is all about misogyny and disrespecting women at every turn. So Kandi’s line is to talk about how she and Todd drove by SoCoBrooklyn while she was in NYC filming the cover. Did I mention Flat Marc is sitting in Kenya’s seat at the dinner table? Marlo’s line is to bring up how many people believe that Kenya is married. This was at the end of yet another excruciating filming day. Again close to sixteen hours of filming. They couldn’t even sleep on the train! My sources tell me that they were all made to sit there until they all said something about Kenya’s marriage being “fake.” Why? Because that is Beck’s revenge because Kenya had the new to get married and fuck up Kim Biermann’s storyline for the season. He is the cause of everything we are about to witness.
Marlo is prodded to ask everyone who believes that Kenya is really married to raise their hands. Only Kandi raises hers. Cynthia gets up and storms off unwilling to participate. Marlo is drunk and is the one pressing things. Porsha trash talks Kenya in her talking head. Nene says that Cynthia is here for Kenya. If Kenya says jump, Kenya says how high. Once again, Kandi is the only one supporting Kenya. She says she likes the friendship between Cynthia and Kenya. That is because you are not a jealous bitch like Nene, Kandi. Your friends are allowed to be friends with people you don’t like and with people you do like.
Cynthia is crying in the other room because production is making her sit there and telling her she has to comment on Kenya’s wedding. Nene tries to get Cynthia to come back to the table. Cynthia says that Kenya is finally happy and they should just leave her alone. Nene tells her that she is not Kenya’s mom and she can’t tell the not to question the marriage. Cynthia says they can ask questions. She just doesn’t want to sit there while they make fun of her. Between production and Nene, Cynthia is hauled back in there to finally eek out that her feelings were hurt for not being at the wedding. After all the berating by production, even Marlo calms her ass down about the situation. This manufactured bullshit actually ends with Marlo uttering the words, “that’s real.” That’s some irony right there.
Next week: Cynthia tells Kenya she feels like she should have been able to meet Marc. Porsha’s mother and sister must have been busy that week so she instead meets with matchmakers. She thinks she wants to date a white guy
because the pay better. Allegedly. Kandi interrogates Will on a boat ride with Will and Cynthia where Kandi finds out that they are actually dating other people. Jack Daniels finds out that Sheree has a boyfriend that was never her boyfriend until he went to prison and she needed a fake boyfriend. But Kenya has to drag her actual husband on to this shit show or lose her job?