Are y’all watching this mess? I am recording the second run and getting to it when I can. I have more than two things in every time slot on Monday nights. I do have some thoughts though.
First of all the name is dumb. Floribama is not a thing when it comes to Panama City Beach. It’s not even the closest beach town to Alabama, Pensacola is. Secondly, no one uses the word ‘shore’ in the south. The word is ‘beach.’ Shore is a yankee word. New Jersey has shores, and shore houses. The south has beaches and beach houses. You will never hear the southern folks on this show say the word ‘shore.’ They should have named the show The Redneck Riveria. That is what the locals call it. Or simply PCB.
Now let’s talk about the eight idiots they moved into the house. The girls are plum awful.
Kortni Gilson is from Panama City. She is 21. I know it pisses people off when I point out that if your parents gave you a weird name or a normal name with some fucked up spelling then the idiots genes are passed down and the stupid is strong. But it’s true. Exhibit A, Kortni. Kortni likes to get drunk and fight people. Kortni sleeps in animal costumes (onsies).
Nilsa Prowant is also from Panama City, she is 23. Who came up with that name? Nilsa thinks she is the prettiest girl in the house and declares it to us out loud on the very first episode. She and Kortni claim to sort of know each other from before the house. They don’t seem particularly close though. Nilsa is rude and entitled. I’m on episode three right now and every episode she has declared that she has set her sites on Jeremiah and no one can hold a candle to her. Jeremiah on the other hand finds her desperate attempts to chase him to be a huge turnoff he prefers some girl named Karli Jo. Jeremiah and Gus both get laid in the house on the third episode with random girls from the bar. Also on episode three, Nilsa is rude to a guy who bought all eight idiots drinks. Her mama has taught her not to accept drinks from strange men. I’m down with that rule but there is a way follow it without insulting the guy who is just being nice. She’s kind of a cunt to everyone. Especially, when they don’t fall at her feet. She’s divorced but calls her ex when she gets drunk and has no one in her bed. The ex need to change his number, or block Nilsa.
Aimee Hall is 24 and from Alabama. Amy is another example of the misspelled name offspring theory. She is dumber than a box of hair. She mistakenly thinks she is pretty. She cleans up pretty well once goes to get her crusty feet scraped (not a big enough tip in the world for that salon lady) and puts on makeup and does her hair and covers her tattoos. But she’s not a looker without makeup. She is 24 and just ended a ten-year relationship because her man got her cousin pregnant. I suspect that he man is also her cousin but she has not admitted to that yet. Aimee has been dying to get on one of these shows. She tried to get on Party Down South but was not selected. That means this cast is even lower on the scale than Party Down South. Let that sink in for a minute.
Candace Rice is 24 and from Memphis. needs someone to go get her and rescue her from this show. She is the prettiest girl in the house. She’s also black. I have a feeling casting put in a black female and a black male hoping for racial tensions. Again, you can tell the production people are yankees. Everyone loves Candace but she tends to sort of stay to herself. Because she is normal and sane and smart and the other three girls are a bunch of drunken whores who like to fight and argue. Candace is my favorite, but it would not surprise me if she came up with an excuse to go back home.
Jeremiah Buoni is a 22-year-old gym rat. The girls all find him very attractive. He took Kortni on a date and then ended it asking her to split the bill because they are just friends. It was kind of awkward but he had to do something because he discovered at dinner that Kortni is insane and super redneck. Jeremiah isn’t southern. He’s from Amelia Island, Florida. It’s a very affluent place and gorgeous. Rich folks from the north east love to go there. It’s like the Protestant Boca Raton. Despite being one of the youngest in the house, he’s sort of the man of the house. He’s level-headed and clean. He’s always cleaning up behind the other seven in the kitchen.
Gus Smyrnios is 22 and from Tallahassee. Gus seems to look up to Jeremiah a bit. While the girls in the house were all angling for Jeremiah, I think Gus felt like he’s the number two guy. I think he is better looking than Jeremiah. However, I have a hard time with the current high hair look that the guys are wearing these days. Gus looks better before he puts ten bottles of product in his hair. I googled him and he is a model for book covers, mostly romance novels and has 25 thousand followers. He has not mentioned this to his housemates that I know of. I told you he was the cutest! He was also kicked out of his house at 17 and had to make it on his own so he is also, more mature than all of the girls. He would like to get married and have a family of his own.
Codi Butts is 25 and is a good ole boy from South Carolina. He is a home health aide for someone I think and he was also a bartender. He’s funny and very dramatic. He is in the middle of all of the action. When he is sober he is a calming force, but when he’s kicked back a few shots, he can be pot stirrer. Like the other three guys in the house, he seems to be good people.
Kirk Medas is 25 and from Atlanta. It would not surprise me to see him and Candace hook up, but Kirk told the AJC that he was very cautious about dating on camera because his mother would be watching and she raised him right. So far his is the guy who is always happy and smiling and living in the moment, but he says when he drinks too much he can be sensitive to smack talk and get into altercations.
I am just now watching the end of episode three. Remember when I told you that Nilsa was an ass to the local who was buying them drinks? He’s had a few drinks himself and while he is outside smoking and talking to Aimee about dogs, he makes it clear to Nilsa that if she didn’t try so hard to let everyone know how pretty she is and be a drama queen for attention, she might get some. He’s absolutely right, but as a man, he should probably not trash talk a young woman outside a bar. They yell at him to go away, and he shrugs and walks off. Aimee and Nilsa go inside and Nilsa has another dramatic meltdown about that guy and all the guys in the house being mean to her. Gee, I wonder why? Nilsa wants to go home because everyone is picking on her. Don’t get our hopes up Nilsa.
Remember when I said Kirk can get into altercations when he is drunk? Drunk Aimee goes to tell drunk Kirk and the other guys that “people are treating Nilsa bad. So Drunk Kirk goes to talk to the Nilsa, and the other boys go with him. Nilsa, thrilled that the attention is all on her tells them that people are mean to her. As if on cue, some drunk lady comes out and says to Nilsa, “Why don’t you just go home, princess. Just leave.” Clearly, the whole bar is over Nilsa. Kirk defends Nilsa to the drunk lady and starts smarting off telling her he will beat up her boyfriend. This will not end well. Codi actually knows this. This is a local bar. Security tries to usher the drunk lady away. The guys huddle protectively around the little princess.
Then the drunk lady’s husband shows up, Kirk threatens to beat his ass and keeps calling them old. The husband drags his drunk wife home. Around this time, Kortni realizes that there is drama and comes out dying to get in a fist fight without even knowing what is going on.
Then all hell breaks loose. The bouncer from Donovan’s gets into a fight with both the husband and the wife as he is trying to get them out of there. Everyone from the house was leaving but Kortni and Aimee both had to be restrained by Gus and production. The is a full out brawl in the parking lot. The show ends rather abruptly but it looks like all eight fools got into the van and out of there before the cops showed up.
I hate to say it, but I am in with this show. It comes on Mondays on MTV.