So I just watched what is probably the best episode of Vanderpump Rules, EVER. And now I have to recap this crap? Sigh, maybe it will be good. We will need to please hold comments on Vanderpump Rules until Lady C gets her recap up very late tonight or tomorrow. She’s west coast. I’m sure we will have plenty to discuss about this trainwreck in comments.
First of all the premise is unbelievable. Shep has no interest in settling down. He will be a bachelor at fifty if his liver holds out that long. Oh dear God. He is going to send them all back to Charleston to live together in a house. He’s totally going to be The Bachelor. Do you accept, Shep Rose? I can hear it now.
We start with a trip to Hilton Head (Hil*tin Hay*ed) to visit Shep’s parents. Both of his siblings are happily married with children to people who his parents love. So the bar is set high.
First stop, L.A. to meet a girl chosen by his friend Matt. Her name is Peyton and she is a dog groomer in Hollywood. Shep thinks he needs to get a dog to give him some responsibility. I say we stop this foolishness right here, save all of these girls some time and admit that a dog is probably the only sort of relationship Shep can handle. Actually, being responsible for a dog may be too much for him as well, but we need to start somewhere and I think starting with live females is a mistake.
Peyton and Shep go out for Mexican. She orders a fat margarita and queso and guacamole and Shep is already smitten. Peyton is from Georgia/Alabama. Things are going great. When they get to the bar, things start to go south after a few drinks too many. They get way drunk and Shep regales her with stories about actresses he has dated. Then he invites her to the whore house in Charleston and she drunkenly accepts.
We’re going all Teen Mom here with the producers as part of the show. Shep’s producer, Sarah is with him every step of the way so that he has someone to give feedback to. Shep thinks Peyton is amazing. At least from what he can remember about her.
It’s time for date two, which is set up by his friend Miriam. Liz is 24 and a film marketing manager. I missed how old Peyton was, but Shep is pushing forty and this girl is way too young for him. They are going to a party that the producers found where people will be performing Shakespeare. I’m bored already. Shep’s first date conversation includes things like, “Look at my socks! I feel like accessories make everything!” All his conversations are about him. When the producer commented on his eclectic attire with, “Well look at you!” he responded with “I know, right?” He’s such a self-centered douchebag. There is not enough alcohol at this party for this poor girl. The age difference comes up. Shep admits he is 37 and Liz is horrified.
The show i an hour and a half. Liz is eyeballing the exits. Shep thinks this is the best party ever. Shep goes to the bathroom. Liz leaves at intermission. Epic fail.
Enter the dolphin. The dolphin has two choices for him. Apparently he is going to go out with them both. AT THE SAME TIME. Or not. Girl #1 is named Adrhucia. She is really intellectual. Now, Shep thinks he is intellectual, he went to all the best schools and likely did well. But he is not really good at engaging in intellectual conversation. So Adrhucia is doing all the talking. Like a lot of talking. And Shep is ready to flee to Sarah and tell her to get the girl out of here. She dodged a bullet. Oh wait, he is changing things up and calls Landon to come in and entertain him on his date. As Sarah says, “You just don’t get it.” Landon ruins the date and Shep awkwardly ditches them both.
This is a PITA to recap. It’s taking ten forevers.
The next say Shep has two dates in one day. For the day date, he meets Marley, she’s 27 and a model. NO. Too young again. She is smoking hot. They have nothing in common. She thinks it is cute that Shep reads. She has some anger management issues. It’s a no for both of them.
Next up is Jessy, she’s the other Landon choice. She is 31 and is a clothing designer and stylist. She hates his wardrobe. It’s a tacky polo shirt and jeans. They eat weird ice cream and go to the bookstore. They decide to select books for each other. She picks Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and The Idiots Guide To Being Sexy. I love Jessy and so does Shep. He is afraid she will reject him if he invites her to Charleston, so he doesn’t. At least not yet. I really wanted an interview with Jessy, but alas, we did not get one.
Next, Shep is off to Dallas. The recap may be moving slow, but that is because the show is moving fast. I like that. There are no filler scenes. Each scene has a purpose. Is Haymaker producing this, because it seems better than them. After Jessy told him he looked like a slob on her date, he decides to pick up some cowboy clothes in Dallas. He spends all of 15 minutes in the shop and comes out with a cowboy hat. And not a good one.
Kylie is 22 and lives on a ranch. She is a student. IS SHEP AFRAID TO DATE REAL WOMEN? This is just ridiculous. Apparently he also bought a shirt at the cowboy store that he will reveal to her later. The date is running barrels on horseback. Shep’s childhood horse bucked him off and he has not been a fan of horses since. Is it too much to hope for a repeat of the bucking on this date? She is a world champion barrels runner. Somebody is rich as fuck because these are the most beautiful horses I’ve ever seen. Shep can’t ride a horse. Kylie is gorgeous and her daddy would never let her date him. As I am typing this she is talking about her dad vetoing her last pick, a professional dancer. Shep’s shirt was a big improvement to his wardrobe. At least in Texas. Shep invites her to Charleston. And they kiss. Oh Shep, you are such a loser.
Despite all of my bitching and complaining, I admit I am all in on this show. I’m sort of looking at it like a travel show for now, with the unfortunate inclusion of Shep as the travel guide. What did y’all think?
I was pleasantly surprised that I liked it and Shep was kind of charming. I’m afraid it will go downhill when the girls are living together in Charleston but we can be optimistic.
BTW, I’m no longer getting pop-ups on my iPhone. I feel like something is missing.
I did not want to like it but I did – in spite of Shep. The different locales, women and the theme set-ups for each date make it interesting. Still – the premise that some woman has to reach a sratospheric bar to be worrhy of this snobby frat boy – is annoying. He says he wants a party girl – but I think he really wants a preppy like mommy (not a diss on mommy, although preppies are not my faves). And yeah, it does not seem that Shep really wants to settle down.
I liked it, fast quirky and Shep must be gaining a modicum of self awareness right??? Then he came on WWHL and I saw my hopes dashed on the floor as he compared himself with Andy.,.,
The show wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it’ll just be on in the background for me since we all know the premise is bullshit and won’t work anyway. How long are they dragging this “docuseries”? LOL
I think there is a part of Shep that wants to settle down and then there is the part that knows when he does that is admitting his frat boy party days are over. He can be a total ass but he can also be very sweet. I think he loves to love women, I can’t quit put it into to words or figure out how to say what I am thinking. Shit I may be channeling Shep right now.
Prediction: somewhere down the road, Shep will get engaged to a seemingly “suitable” woman, but the wedding will get called off. Then, one of his casual encounters will get pregnant and he will marry her, but it won’t last.
I enjoyed the show way more than l expected to. I hate the idea of the Bachelor-like plan to have all the women stay together in Charleston. That isn’t fair to any of them. Too bad the producers decided to go that way.
Agree this is a recipe for Shep not to end up with any of them. Probably a good idea for all of them!
My DVR did NOT record Vanderpump, so I’m catching up on Shep now. (I’m still on the Voice high, so finally having a glass of wine to wind down.)
OK, maybe I see why all these women are Shep’s friends. The producer, Cameron, etc. I still think he’s a shitty friend to his guy friends, and when drunk he gets aggressive which is not ok.
HOWEVER, I got to admire a guy who doesn’t talk badly about any of the women he’s dated. I LIKED that they are all “lovely”. I think Peyton is probably an epic form of a stuck up cunt with her reactions to his talk.
Although it is a Patti Stanger no-no to talk former relationships (and have more than 2 drinks), it was REFRESHING not to hear the guy who clearly has commitment issues blame all the “crazy bitches” or variations thereof for the relationship breaking up.
OK. Now I’m in the Shakespeare part. I’m not quite sure what that was, but that is the kind of shit I would LOVE and I now like Shep a teensy bit more for liking it.
Can we find me a PNW dude who likes fat women and doesn’t drink as much as Shep but has a similar personality and likes for me? He can’t drink as much because I need a designated driver.
Oh and UGH…. the dolphin.
Love Jessy. Shep is a HORRIBLE DRESSER but I guess he thinks his “intellect” makes up for it. I thought the Rose’s were also scions of Charleston/Hilton Head but they are from Montgomery????? Shep’s daddy was the hot one back in the day!
I got really confused as to which show I was watching when I saw Peyton works at Vanderpump Dogs. Does Lisa control everything?
Ah, yes. Lisa Vanderpump controls everything.
Shep always says his parents are amused at his lifestyle. I think they are embarassed, but resigned.
Forget Shep never wanting to marry. Why would anyone want to marry a 37-year-old guy who doesn’t have a job?
I liked this show! I think Shep has set impossible standards for his perfect woman…a well-bred, Ivy League educated woman with model looks who can get down and dirty. I don’t think he’ll find anyone like that but it’s sure fun to watch.
The irony is any well-adjusted, well-bred young lady won’t be looking at Shep. If I were a young girl in Charleston, I wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot pole.
And — we don’t believe he’s looking for someone permanent . . . this is reality tv, they had to find a story line, as weak as it is.
When I was a hot 22 year old, I would not give Shep a second chance or date a 38 year old man! If you are 38 and still doing the college bar scene every night you are SO NOT A CATCH.
Shep should have gotten married when he was still attractive.
Amen
I’m finally watching this, and to see him get wasted on the first date, umm, thought he was looking for a relationship. Getting drunk to me was usually a hook up. Lol.
They made out drunk at the bar. Don’t need Los Angeles for that, Shep.
I can’t believe she “got a rose” and agreed to come back to the house of whores. When she told Shep his teeth were green. I thought she would just leave.
Shep was so cute when Southern Charm first aired. But in just a few years, his skin has turned grey, his eyes have lost their twinkle, and he’s looking paunchy.
Loved this show….there I said it!
I love Sheps parents! The Dad’s name alone….
There are a lot of Sheps in South Carolina (independently rich guys from old moneyed families) and I’ve dated a bunch of them in my age range. Not T-Rav.
They either are serial marryers or never get married.
I could not get through the first 30 minutes. Shep will not marry.
I watched the show. It was speed dating. Shep has no game on this show. I will not watch again.
After he was going to have his dates to a house in Charleston, thought bachelor.rip off.
When Landon showed up! Enough. I’ll watch another channel. We all know he will never find the one woman he will be his soul and or sole mate!
I thought it was one of the most worthless, stupid shows I’ve ever watched, and I’ll probably keep watching because it is so bad! I hated seeing the dolphin and she couldn’t help but throw in a last desperate plug for herself to Step. I think she was begging to be asked to go to the Shep House ‘o Love.
Dear TT:
I’m this close to leaving your site altogether because it’s no fun to read your complaints. “And now I have to recap this crap.” You’re change in attitude has made me cut back on visits to your site. This is supposed to be a place for clever snark and creative writing. If you don’t like the show, then don’t watch it. Get someone else to recap or move on to something else. Seriously, let’s get back to fun.
Please read the commenting rules. Pay particular attention to the part where I decided what and how I recap. Or simply move along and find a site you like.
Sorry that I didn’t see in the commenting rules that commenting on your attitude was restricted. I was honestly trying to point out something that you might not be aware we’re picking up.
Got it loud and clear. Leaving now. Good luck paying the bills you’re always complaining about.
So quick of you to pick up on my attitude. I’m sure in the past seven years we have been waiting on you to explain this site to us.
Now fuck off.
I’ll give it a few more episodes. I kind of find it ridiculous, but all options are okay. May be surprised, who knows.
I’m so disappointed to learn that all the women will be back in Charleston at the same time! That never works. It’s just too strained and awkward and jealousy-inducing.
His first date, Peyton, seemed great until they were drunk at the bar.
To me, Shep does have a cheerful, likeable quality to him. He’s willing to laugh at himself, and I like that.