I can already tell this episode is going to be a ratchet mess. Since Teresa had to bail on this episode, Danielle has stepped in. The other guest is Robert Lord Taylor, who I had to Google to find out he is a supporting actor on scripted TV shows that Andy describes as a “superfan” of
misogyny housewives. I’ve lost track of how many days I have had this head cold from hell and been alcohol-free, but I assure you neither situation has done anything to improve my already unpleasant personality. Nonetheless, if a girl wants to buy chicken soup, recapping this drivel is a must.
Once again, the hair stylist has lobbed several inches off of a housewives head and it looks fabulous. Andy wants to add Danielle’s hair cuttings to his macabre collection of women’s body parts and such. Soon Danielle’s hair will join the ranks of Tamra’s implants, Lady Gaga’s piss, and Lord knows what else he has back there.
Julie and Brandi, from The People’s Couch are the bartenders. They have a new podcast called Dumb Gay Politics.
RLT gets to rapid fire questions to Danielle
Was it your idea to come back to the show? She says it was Andy’s but Andy mouths to the camera NO IT WAS NOT.
How do your kids feel about it? Not good.
What’s your favorite franchise and housewife? RHOA, Nene
The poll, whose side are you on Teresa or Siggy and Dolores was split 50/50.
Andy shows a sneak peek and nearly pees himself he is so happy that “old Teresa” is back. As if there was ever a change in Teresa. Danielle is thrilled to be on the same side of the fight as Teresa this season and actually says that out loud.
Right after that discussion, Danielle says that her daughters needed an apology from Teresa so they could see that Teresa has changed. I thought the prior discussion made it pretty clear that Teresa has not changed a bit. Do these people think they are making sense tonight? Because I’ll have whatever they’re having.
After some discussion about The Penguin on Gotham’s ambiguous sexuality, Andy brings up Danielle’s “lesbian love anthem” that she sang on the show. He says it is his favorite WWHL performance of all time. Danielle doesn’t get that he is mocking her and somehow this leads to Danielle volunteering to sing a bit of it after the break. I need to speak to my boss about getting a raise for this.
The ring leader of Danielle’s fan club calls in. I am not making this up. She asks about Kim G attacking Danielle on Twitter all the time. I am thankful I have no idea what this is about. Danielle says Kim G is ready for the retirement home. So am I, girl, so am I. Alexa, please remind me to sign up for long-term health care insurance. Also get me a list of assisted living facilities on the beach.
Andy makes an off-color joke with RLT and the says, “Am I allowed to say that anymore?” and then rolls his eyes. Clearly, he is not happy with the current climate that frowns on unwanted sexual advances.
Danielle sang her lesbian song. I am feeling traumatized. RLT is stifling a laugh.
Even worse, Danielle dared to speak the name Caroline Manzo. A name too good to ever come out of that mouth considering all the places it has been.
That was not worth watching.