Phaedra Parks is literally losing her mind over not being on the Real Housewives of Atlanta anymore. Recently, she sold a story to US Weekly claiming she is a Wilhelmina model. I am not making this up. And that was half of the insanity she spewed. If you missed that, read it here first.
Since that paid for that delusional story, she decided to squeeze a few more bucks out of them. The US Weekly headline is about her dating life, her divorce and how she is spending the holidays. It looks to me like Phaedra writes her own story and sells it to the site. The story has no true byline just a notation at the end stating, “With reporting by Travis Cronin.” And if you ask me, Travis is in on the joke. Let me pull out my purple pen. Edited Before Publishing: As I was reviewing the article, I did see the byline. The story is By Nicholas Hautman click the link for more stories by Nicholas. He seems to be covering all the sexual harassment stuff at the moment and may not have any idea who Phaedra is. I’m going to leave the US Weekly snark labeled as “Travis Shade.”
“I’m not dating anyone seriously. I’ve been on a few dates. I think I’m hot on the market,” the Real Housewives of Atlanta alum, 44, exclusively tells Us Weekly. “I’m looking for a lot of things. I love to be pampered, but also like to have a divorce conversation. I also love an attractive man, so there’s nksgt as well.”
What she means is she is not dating anyone at all. And yet she still thinks she’s hot on the market. Whatever that means. Is “I’m looking for a lot of things” a Freudian slip? Are the other two sentences in English? She likes to have a divorce conversation while dating? What the fuck is “nksgt”?
Travis Shade: Includes the fact she is no longer a RHOA, random inclusion of her age, absolutely no attempt to follow-up with her on WTF she was trying to say.
One of the lucky men who recently caught Parks’ eye was a sports agent she met via Instagram. “That was nice,” she muses of their date. “Of course, everyone is moving so fast. Social media is the dating game.”
Phaedra saw a guy on Instagram she thought was cute. He’s a sports agent. This is shades of the Shemar Moore debacle. So embarrassing.
Travis Shade: “lucky man” calls it a date.
“I wasn’t holding on to him,” Parks tells Us of her ex, who is currently serving an eight-year prison sentence for bank fraud and identity theft. “He kept appealing the divorce and finally it was granted. Apollo and I started dating in high school and now I’m in my early 40s, so it was time to go. That’s almost a lifetime. Thank God it’s over, but thank God it happened because we have two beautiful kids.”
This is complete horseshit. Every single word. Phaedra Parks graduated from Clarke Central in Athens, GA in 1990. Apollo was 12 in 1990 and lived in Atlanta. Phaedra fraudulently filed divorce papers under fake names to avoid Apollo being notified of the divorce. Once this was discovered, her divorce petition was thrown out and Apollo was allowed to file as the petitioner. He won a large settlement in the divorce. Something Phaedra was trying to avoid. One of the reasons she is selling off property is she has to pay out Apollo. She’s lying about her lies.
Travis Shade: Reminds us that Apollo is currently incarcerated.
The newly named Wilhelmina model and Nida are coparenting their boys “as much as I can with someone who is in prison,” she says. “I wish him the best and he wishes me the best. … We haven’t seen him in a while, but it’s OK. We are in very normal communication with him through third parties, so he knows what is going on in their life.”
“We don’t talk at all. We hate each other with a passion. I don’t encourage the boys to maintain contact. Not even the one I am sure is his. I’m sure his new fiancee brings him photos from my IG of the boys when she goes to visit.” This is what I hear when I read that. I’m not sure why she even brought it up.
Travis Shade: Maybe he asked her about co-parenting with someone who is incarcerated? This whole topic seems random.
“I can’t wait to decorate this year because I just moved into a country estate. It’s lovely,” the mortician tells Us. “We all decorate on Thanksgiving and make the place into a Winter Wonderland.”
BWAHAHAHAHAH! Phaedra’s new “country estate” is about a mile and a half from her old house. She finally got the old house cleaned and painted and staged and reduced the price trying to unload it. The neighbors from the old neighborhood and I still talk and they jog and drive by the “new house” all the time. By the way, it’s been over a year since she bought the new house. All I have ever heard is that there is trash all over the lawn near the street and a few months ago they put a big dumpster in the driveway. I’ve heard no signs of renovation beginning. I sent them emails earlier and if there is anything new to report I will add it when I hear back. Does her mama live out in the country? Perhaps she has moved in with her and she is decorating for Christmas. She has the kids most of the time anyway while Phaedra goes on her business trips and um, other stuff.
Travis Shade: “mortician” hahahahahahahah
My new theory is that the few hundred dollars they pay Phaedra for these ridiculous stories is worth it for the sheer hilarity of it all. I have a new found appreciation for US Weekly. Well played.
Do you guys think US Weekly is in on the joke?