How in the name of all that’s holy did they make twenty-one episodes this season? There can’t possibly be an unseen footage episode because they kept playing so many scenes from previous seasons this year as filler, it’s clear that nothing was on the cutting room floor.
In other news, my head is so full of snot it may explode at any time during this recap. I gots the crud at Thanksgiving dinner and then today I went for cough syrup and there were a dozen other sick folks standing there looking at the 47 choices of poison for whatever ails us. I’m quite sure I picked up a few more bugs trying to treat the first one. I say this mostly because I am seeking attention, primarily sympathy, and also as a warning that I have zero tolerance for the spelling and grammar fucktards who can’t be bothered to read the mother fucking commenting rules. You’re welcome.
Also, in case you missed it, Meghan is knocked up again.
We are going to start with Shannon again. We get a montage of her screaming that she is done and throwing plates. Shannon says Lydia was purposefully poking at her all season because she knew she would get a reaction out of her. She was back on the show and needed to draw attention to herself. I can sort of see why Shannon would think that, but the reality is that everyone on that stage knows that Lydia and Peggy were specifically brought back to vigorously support Vicki. They did that a bit too well and now they are on the chopping block with no presidential pardon in sight. Lydia very calmly tells Shannon she feels like she is being crazy right now, and Shannon is left speechless.
Andy tries to see who Shannon owes an apology to she says she apologized to Lydia “about the birthday party” and to Kelly about the plate throwing. Peggy says she deserves an apology for Shannon’s constant dismissive behavior and referring to her as “that one.” They roll the clip of Shannon doing that. Meghan, who seems to be trying really hard to be relevant, says that Peggy owes her an apology for the Lip Clip incident. Peggy says, “You don’t think you lips needed to be clipped?” The entire right couch rightly goes bat shit and Peggy looks visibly shaken by the response. She asks Andy what he thinks. He says he would not like to have that done to him. She tries again to say Meghan deserved it. No apology for Meghan.
Next we move on to nosy Meghan. Meghan drops the bomb that she is one month pregnant and she seems really happy and cried. This seems to overshadow the fight between Kelly and Meghan over questioning the fidelity in each other’s marriages. Meghan says she had no ill intent when accusing Kelly of having a boyfriend. Kelly says they squashed the incident and Meghan kept bringing it back up. Kelly has been tweeting insults about Meghan’s marriage as well. No one cares.
Ugh. We have to talk to Peggy. Peggy says the reason the cancer thing was so confusing was because her father had just died and she was not in a good place. Peggy cries a lot. She then says that she was in denial that she had cancer. It makes even less sense now. Andy moves on.
TIme to discuss Vicki’s illness in Iceland. Vicki says she covered her head because Peggy kept pouring water over her head and it got all in her hair. Her hair got frizzy and she had no makeup on so she was hiding from the cameras. Then the truth comes out that Kelly had given her an Adderall earlier in the day and then that night she gave her a Xanax because her heart was racing from the Adderall still. Then someone gave her some Nyquil and that is what really happened in Iceland. Jesus, Vicki. I won’t even take an aspirin from someone without reading the tablet to see what it says.
You know what is not good for a head cold? As it turns out, recapping a housewives reunion is not helpful.
Kelly apologizes to Peggy again for making a comment about her father. Meghan and Peggy argue again about Peggy trash talking her parenting and talking about Aspen crying in her room. Meghan says she was two doors down from Peggy and there were housewives on either side of her room who never heard the baby cry once. Andy asks Peggy why she left Iceland early. Once again she cries and for the second time she mentions that she was wearing expanders (in her chest to make room for the implants) and she was in pain. She has the same tearless cry that Tamra has perfected over the years but with much more dramatic hand gestures. She says she had to carry her own luggage through Iceland and not once did anyone support her. Vicki and Kelly both jump in to say that being there with no breasts and being isolated was not good for her. Vicki goes on to say this is why they should not have the trips so early. WTF? There was only one regular episode after the Iceland trip! Why are they going out on a limb for Peggy when she is not returning? Kelly tells Peggy she is just looking at it wrong. She says she apologized at dinner because she wanted to make it right with her. But she feels like Peggy took the things she heard them saying the wrong way. Why are we spending so much time on this woman. Peggy works up a few tears.
Did we have the hug it out moment on the show last week or was that a teaser for this week? Because as soon as Andy wades ankle deep into Vicki and Tamra’s relationship, Tamra is screaming at Vicki for attacking her marriage and Vicki responds with a firm denial and says that Tamra accused her about lying about cancer when she was the one that got conned. Annnnd… we are off to the races. Shannon and Tamra both blame Vicki for leaking the stories about Eddie being gay to the tabloids. I hate to break it to Tamra but the rumors about Eddie have been out there since the moment he appeared on the show. Tamra was outraged by the staged behavior by Gretchen and the gay guy whose name escapes me at the moment to bring up the gay rumors on camera again. Vicki says she didn’t know that was going to happen and the scenes were not staged by her. As Vicki subtlety blames production, Andy jumps in. but they keep on screaming and Tamra’s high-pitched voice is making my ears bleed. Andy gives up and moves on.
Tamra’s upper arms are really bad. Has she stopped working out?
For a moment there Shannon, Vicki and Tamra talk about having fun in Iceland and hoping to get back to that. Then less than a minute later Tamra is calling Vicki homophobic, she denies it and they call each other liars. Tamra literally sticks her fingers in her ears and screams “la la la la la la la!” I am not making this up. Vicki tells Tamra that is not a good look for her. Tamra snaps back with, “Nothing looks good on you, Vicki!” And it’s time for break. That last jab by Tamra really hurt Vicki. She is extremely sensitive about her appearance. She goes to her dressing room. Steve and Diko are hanging out back there and Vicki says she is done. She is not going back out there. They close the dressing room door.
It is interesting that Vicki is being called homophobic when that shoe fits someone else on her couch so much better.
After the break Lydia goes to check on Vicki and tries to mediate the situation. She tells Vicki that she hurt Tamra and Tamra is trying to hurt her back. Everyone goes back out. The official filming has not started yet. Tamra is drinking. Shannon and Meghan are both on their phones probably asking for their get away cars to be pulled around. Tamra asks Vicki for an apology and Vicki says no. But as soon as the real cameras are back on Vicki tells Tamra she is sorry and she means it. Tamra wants to know what she is sorry for exactly. Vicki says she is sorry and she will never talk about it ever again. Vicki apologies to Eddie as well (he is not there). Vicki asks Tamra to say that she will stop bringing up Brooks and the cancer scam. She agrees she will not say another word about it.
Andy asks if they would hug it out. Vicki and Tamra hug and cry and Vicki keeps apologizing. Then she remembers that Shannon will be back next season so she asks her to hug it out as well. Shannon does but she is not feeling it and doesn’t say a work. Then they move into the three-way hug, with Vicki and Tamra still sobbing and Shannon comforting Tamra. Shannon eventually says, “thank you” to Vicki for apologizing to her. Shannon asks if they can go somewhere and have “like ten shots.” Tamra says can we do that right now? It seems to be the plan. Then they laugh and Tamra and Shannon both fall backwards on to their couch.
Tamra asks Andy if she can change her couch now. But she doesn’t.
Andy says to Shannon that she is the only new housewife that Vicki has ever liked. Shady cameraman goes to Peggy who is sitting there stoic and miserable. Shannon tries to dig Andy out of the hole but he just keep digging it. Crying Tamra makes Vicki come sit in between her and Shannon. Vicki promises to be there for Shannon during her divorce. She even offers Shannon a job at Coto.
The reunion ends with everyone doing a shot of Black Death which is some sort of Icelandic vodka that no one likes except for Lydia. Meghan of course had a non alcoholic shot of something.
Backstage, Kelly suggests they go to The Quiet Woman. Tamra finds random cake decided it is friendship cake for her to eat with Vicki. Then she says she brought their friendship bracelets. See? I would find Tamra’s behavior kind of freaky.