It’s time for the hysterical, hormonal, housewives of New Jersey to brawl again. And we are going on one of Siggy’s stupid retreats. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Margaret and her hubby go shopping for wallpaper and she cries over not seeing her stepkids. Apparently they are kids from her first husband’s previous marriage. They haven’t spoken to her in years because she cheated on their dad. Sounds reasonable to me.
Dolores and Teresa go for um… coffee and calamari? Gross. Teresa tells Dolores that she hasn’t been sticking up for her lately. WTF? When this season has Teresa needed sticking up for? Teresa says she should have had her back at the restaurant when Siggy went off over #CakeGate. Dolores points out she is believing her former nemesis and fellow felon, Danielle over her, a loyal and longtime friend. Teresa responds with, “Why would she lie?” Really? That should tell Dolores everything she needs to know about Teresa. Dolores says she thinks Danielle is on something. Teresa says Danielle does yoga and is so spiritual. Is Teresa really this dumb or is this storyline? Dolores says that she was making fun of her for letting Frank move back in
to film her house. Then Dolores says that 20 years ago Teresa put up with things she would never put up with and she said nothing. Teresa asks if she is saying that Joe cheated on her. It’s quite clear that is exactly what she is saying.
Dolores backs off the accusation and just says that she put up with a lot from Joe. And suddenly, Teresa says she probably believes Dolores over Danielle. WTF just happened there? Weird editing?
Dolores heads over to Siggy’s house to catch up. Dolores and Siggy stuff their faces with a huge desert. The point of the scene is for Siggy to invite everyone to an overnight retreat. UGH.
Next Margaret meets Melissa for squash salad and water. It is better than coffee and calamari I suppose. Apparently, the point is for Margaret to help Melissa with ideas for Envy. But really they want to talk about Siggy’s behavior toward them and the upcoming retreat.
Just before the retreat, Siggy posted some sort of trash talking post on Instagram with her holding a bow and arrow and making some random threats about people who come for her. Margaret wonders if she is talking about her. Who knows. Siggy has been off the rails on Twitter for ages.
This retreat has a whole ton of people there for the large group address. Did these people actually sign up and pay for this nonsense or were they hired as extras by Bravo? When the RHONJ arrive, Siggy hugs everyone including Margaret. Siggy and Vikki the divorce attorney spout a bunch of ridiculous clichés for God knows how long. Then they take a Q & A and all the answers are bumper stickers. At one point Siggy starts talking to the large crowd about Margaret without naming her name. Melissa says that Siggy is about to publicly shame Margaret the way she did her. She’s right, after going on and on about the person she can’t get along with she says you have a right to tell that person, “Fuck you!” and then she points at Margaret and says, “Am I right?” Siggy is just a supreme cunt. That is all. What’s hilarious is that before the season began Siggy was posting everywhere that she was bullied all season long. Really? She is clearly the bully. I wish Margaret would have stood up and said, “Yes, you are right, and Fuck You Siggy Flicker!”
But Margaret chooses not to make a scene and just sits there. So Siggy, not getting the reaction she desired takes it even further. She tells the entire group that Margaret was the person she was talking about. She says that Margaret called her Soggy and that made her remember being bullied in school about her name. I don’t think Siggy understands what being bullied means. Margaret feels bad about Siggy’s horrible childhood now. Oh Margaret you are playing right into her hand. Then Siggy thanks Margaret for coming and then says Margaret is rooming with her. I’ve never understood why these shows have them share rooms. I’d buy my own room down the hall if necessary. I need my private time. Margaret says that she is down with that.
In the Zone room where Siggy has booths for photography, makeup and plastic surgery, because, “keeping it real” is her thing, Teresa runs to Danielle and tells her everything that she talked to Dolores about. Including the fact that Dolores told her she thinks Danielle is on drugs. Teresa is such a bad friend. She’s just fundamentally a bad person.
At dinner, of course Danielle confronts Dolores about saying she was on something. Dolores responds with, “Well are you?” and Danielle denies it. Dolores said she was just trying to figure out why she was making up stuff that she said. Melissa is defending Danielle Staub. Seriously! Actually, everyone is team Danielle except for Siggy and even she is saying that Dolores should make amends with Danielle. WTF is wrong with these women?
Danielle, Teresa and Melissa are having breakfast in their suite and Danielle starts planting seeds of doubt that the truce between Margaret and Siggy is authentic. Danielle’s hole playbook this season is to alienate Siggy and Delores from the rest of the cast. So far, it is working like a charm.
After breakfast, it is just the housewives left on the retreat, plus Siggy’s speaking partner Vikki the divorce lawyer. Vikki will be leading the first activity so that Siggy can participate. Siggy and Margaret have to role play each other. This should be fun. Margaret does a full on impression of Siggy having a meltdown about the cake. It’s hysterical and highly accurate, but Siggy is clearly pissed. And that is where we end.
The rest of the season looks fantastic. Teresa apologizes to Danielle’s daughters. Margaret has an over the top birthday. Teresa takes the girls to visit Joe in prison, Kim D. says that Teresa is “revisiting old flames,” Teresa and Dolores have a huge blow up and the Posche Fashion Show goes off the rails in spectacular fashion!