By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Well, here we are on the final night of RHOD season 2! When last we left the ladies, LeeAnne had stomped off the set because she found out that Dr. Mark Duber was going to be allowed to take the stage. The behind-the-scenes pre-show package shows LeeAnne in her dressing room asking why her man isn’t allowed to be on stage. Um, maybe because nobody attacked his career, family and accused him of getting his dick sucked at The Round Up? Just a thought. So, anyway LeeAnne grudgingly returns (she just needed some special attention and a touch up on her heaps of makeup) and they’re rolling again.
Andy welcomes Mark and asks how he feels about his portrayal this season. He says “not great.” Andy says they got a lot of questions about Mark being a control freak. They roll all the evidence of Mark’s character defects and then Cary makes a Stepford-esque speech about how Mark is a good husband. Every time Cary talks, Mark makes a weird, staring face with his eyes super wide.
She says he wants her to be “fur-filled” in her life and he understands that, for her, “fur-fillment” means splitting time between home and the office. There’s really nothing I love more than a housewife who can’t pronounce a certain word. I makes me almost pee my pants with glee every time. Like Teresa trying to say “cumin” and calling it “cummin” or NeNe saying “bride-maid” over and over instead of “bridesmaid.” It’s THE BEST, so thanks Cary.
Mark pretends that his asshole-ish behavior is just his cutting wit and sarcasm, which it plausible if not actually true. Everybody lets Mark off the hook for being a dick. Speaking of his dick, now we are finally going to talk about The Round Up! He categorically denies it and LeeAnne backs down immediately and apologizes. She denies that she meant it in an offensive way to the LGBT community and when Andy presses her about “knowing the boys who did it” she shuts down and pretends she doesn’t remember saying it. Andy says he’s headed for The Round Up and I believe him.
It goes on and on with the Mark and Cary stuff. They’re embarrassed that his older kids have to see the shenanigans from this season. His son’s frat brothers made him watch last season (you know they all drank every time Mark picked out an outfit for Cary). LeeAnne says doesn’t think about the implications of her nastiness on kids because she’s not a mom. I don’t think you have to have kids to not be a PSYCHO and realize talking that kind of shit can be harmful, but oh well. Stephanie makes a nice speech about what a great guy Mark is and how he got a bad edit.
Andy is determined to get some shit going. He asks what Mark thinks about being called a “chop shop” doctor. He seems more upset about this than the gay dick sucking allegations. That’s exactly what my PR team (in my head) would recommend. Getting too mad about The Round Up rumor would have made him look more guilty. Getting irate about somebody attacking his business makes him look conscientious and professional. Well played, playa.
Andy asks about Cary saying Rich has a small penis. Apparently, he was mad and sent nasty DMs to Cary on Twitter. She says she was just reacting to being called a homewrecker, chop shop beard. Andy turns into a therapist for a minute and says it sounds like all the problems between Cary and LeeAnne stem from them reacting to each others’ hurtful remarks. He asks if they can break this pattern. Cary says she can’t take much more. LeeAnne says she is sick of herself. I’m sick of her, too FYI.
Now we are talking about Brandi. Andy wants to address the allegation that Cary was Mark’s nanny because Brandi threw it out at the white party like it was some big revelation. Mark says they already covered this last reunion, but he does provide a very reasonable, concise explanation and timeline of his relationship with Cary. I believe him. It makes sense that he would have had her watch his kids if she worked with him and he trusted her.
Brandi just comes off looking like an insecure psycho who is desperate to get camera time and keep Stephanie all to herself. Brandi tearfully apologizes to Cary, who says she and Mark have accepted her apology, but they don’t trust her anymore. Brandi is still welcome in their home, though. Andy and D’Andra want to know if they can forgive LeeAnne the same way. The answer is no.
Brandi defends her flip-flopper behavior when it comes to LeeAnne. Stephanie says she thinks Brandi’s behavior was negatively influenced by hanging out with LeeAnne. Kameron defends LeeAnne’s threats, saying they’re just silly and of course she would never really cut somebody’s throat. Now I’m bored by this LeeAnne stuff. I like her hair, though. Andy asks if Brandi and LeeAnne can ever be friends and Brandi says no. LeeAnne makes a convoluted speech and quotes some scripture. Brandi stands firm and LeeAnne tries tears. They don’t work.
You can tell everybody is tired and they all need powder—like bad. Wrapping up, Andy does rose and thorn. Stephanie’s roses are getting back together with Brandi and her son thriving in school, her thorn is the destruction of friendships. Kameron’s rose is pink dog food. Just kidding—she says friendships and her thorn is (dildo) boundaries.
D’Andra’s rose is “pontificating” on her relationship with her mother. Stephanie stops her and asks what this means. D’Andra says it means “thinking” which is not accurate, but whatevs. Her thorn is seeing the way her relationship with her mom played out on TV. Cary’s rose is how Mark has supported her and her thorn is rumors. LeeAnne is not going to let one last chance to monopolize the show slip past. She says she’s an empty garden. Andy points out that she has a big engagement ring rose. She tearfully says she’s her own thorn. Give it a rest, lady. Nobody feels sorry for you.
Now we’re really at the end. Brandi’s thorn was hurting the Duber family and her rose is an actual rose for Stephanie a la The Bachelor. Cary sits awkwardly in the middle just like the whole Memphis trip. Andy lets D’Andra share a final thought. She pontificates about everybody not judging each other and learning to move forward after taking a few months to let the dust settle.
The end. I have to say I loved this season of Dallas and I think it’s a great franchise. I appreciate that TT lets me recap this show and I love you all for reading and commenting. I hope to see you all around this fabulous site in the future!