I’m hoping for some funny from this show tonight. We’ve had a local shooting that shut down neighboring schools today. There were shootings out west that had me nervous for one of my favorite people on the planet. Our government is incomplete disarray. It’s just hard to find anything fun going on in the world. I feel like housewives arguing is the central focus of a lot of us because we are just angry at the universe. So I’m counting on Kate to do something silly. I need an easy episode to recap.
Ah, Bruno. That is what I need tonight. And EJ gone. I am feeling better already. Poor EJ just doesn’t know how to make a move on Baker. After a near miss they both go to bed frustrated.
The guests are actually going to get a short cruise around the island before they have to depart. So there is that. Jen is a hot mess because she actually had to stay up late and, you know, do some work. It’s like torture! Getting 2K for two or three days work is just unfair and should be reported to the Labor Law folks. She probably doesn’t even have to pay taxes on it. She is not feeling well this morning because she didn’t get her beauty sleep. I really will take pleasure in seeing Kate torture her.
I’m disappointed that the title of the show was uttered by Captain Lee as he takes the guests on their first cruise of the trip the morning of their departure. What happened to not wanting to be mediocre and doing the best job possible for the guests at all times? These people have been exceedingly patient with the fact that their entire cruise was basically cancelled. I’d probably be a total bitch the entire time.
The cruise was not even a three hour tour.
The guests were thankful that the crew did their laundry. That would be an excellent little benefit, coming home with a suitcase full of clean laundry. Especially for me as I don’t have washer and dryer hookups in this house. But when the guests leave they complain about the food even more than missing the entire yachting experience. The primaries bailed early without even saying goodbye. The crew gets $1,363 each for two days. I wish I made $700 a day.
EJ leaves. Nico could not be happier. I just this week saw a photo of Captain Lee sharing a meal with EJ. It’s clear his affections for him are real. Maybe he can be his dating coach.
It’s time for some new charter guests. It’s eight women on a girls trip. That will be a PITA for the crew. And Captain Lee is not pleased that two previous charters were unhappy with the food. Matt is on the hot seat.
Captain Lee’s wife is there for a visit. She is even more amazing than Captain Lee. I love her. We finally get to see the Captain’s quarters! It’s very nice! I just love this relationship.
Nico and Brianna are planning to use their shore leave to spend the night at a hotel. Captain Lee says after his second date with Mary Anne he knew she was the one. He’s been married to his best friend for 42 years. They have five kids. I can’t even imagine how lovely that must be. He says he cares more about making her happy than anything else. I am not crying, you bunch of assholes.
Kyle is back for the last two charters! How did he get a visa with his new arrest record? I dunno. But here his sexually ambiguous ass is anyway. In pink flamingo shorts. Did Brandon provide them to him?
Captain Lee is crabby. He says he was embarrassed on the last charter and if they don’t get their shit together this time, “They better give their souls to Jesus because their ass belongs to me.”
The eight ladies arrive. They pray for a great cruise and then drink. A lot. Kyle is hot for Jen. This is a couple made in… well it’s a good couple. The drunken older ladies are already sexually harassing the the (older) ladies.
BREAKING NEWS! BRUNO IS NOT GAY! HE’S BI! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I say that like there is hope for me, but I still think George Clooney might still want me. You know. IT’S POSSIBLE.
Clearly Kyle and Bruno hit it off based on both of them being bi. But they are MILES apart when it comes to ….so many things.
Then in a very odd scene, Kate and Jen are trying to cool down champagne. Jen says something like, “I haven’t been whoring around as long as you have.” Kate shoots back, “How old is your daughter?” Wow. Jen let’s us know she was married when she had her child. Wrong on so many counts there Kate.
Somehow, when Jen brings the comment up to Kate later, she feels like Jen is being mean to her for saying she seems miserable. She is miserable. She is facing felony charges for abusing her girlfriend. I’ve never heard how that ended.
The food is amazing. But Bruno is basically coming up with all the ideas. This pisses Captain Lee off.
Captain Lee is pissed about Matt. Are we going to get Ben back? We’ve never had a cruise without him. This feel like that season where they fired Leon to bring back Ben. Matt has been fine all season. Now that Bruno is helping Captain Lee wants to yank Bruno?
I really hope there is a reunion this season.
Next week: I don’t even understand the part I saw before my DVR shut off.