My cable company is saying this is the third episode, but it is only the second one, right? Did I miss something?
LOL at Sheree pretending to live in the Chateau with her son is sitting there at a counter with a pancake on a paper plate. I really needed a good laugh today and I have rewound this three times just to laugh some more. Ain’t nobody living in that concrete women’s prison, and production bitched about having to pretend like she was all season.
Cynthia on the other hand is living at Lake Bailey and that bathtub scene was steamy.
Porsha moving her sister into her house because she has to have someone to film with. So she has her whole famdamily there to talk about Cynthia’s birthday party. I can’t believe that they keep breaking the fourth wall by talking about WWHL.
Unfortunately, tonight we start the parade of fake dates for Cynthia. Tonight’s contribution from central casting, is Evan, the eccentric photographer. I like him. They did a great job with this one. But he is 29. Cynthia quickly friendzoned him.
Sheree is going to see a life coach. His name is Jack Daniels. Jack Daniel’s clearly does not watch Iyanla Fix My Life. Because Sheree’s previews attempt to accept guidance in her life did not go well. That was five years ago and her house is still incomplete just as Iylana predicted. She says she is there to deal with Bob’s “abuse.” She is wearing a bagel head for this session, that is her go to court look. At least now she has a little bit of real hair on her head and the bagel is in the right place. Anyway, Jack Daniels wants Sheree to tell the kids that she was abused.
Kenya and Cynthia and Kenya’s dogs go for a picnic. Kenya is so happy to get married and can’t wait to change her name. She plans to hyphenate. Cynthia is disappointed that as soon as she is officially single and ready to mingle, Kenya gets married on her. Oh look, more website stories that are not mine! And of course they are the ones claiming she is not married. Kenya says that all the public attention is something that her husband is very uncomfortable with. Cynthia says she wishes she would have done more to keep her marriage private. Oh honey, Peter was so thirsty for that peach there was nothing you could have done to slow that down.
We get to see Shamea and Kandi shopping for her wedding. They need African clothes for one of the dinner safaris. Kandi flew to Kenya to attend her wedding. Also tonight we get to see Shamea’s wedding shower. I actually think this was filmed BEFORE Cynthia’s birthday party. Kandi says she has become really close with Shemea. Mama Joyce’s streets agree that they were VERY close. Shamea travels on all of Kandi’s vacations with Todd and their little um, group of close friends. For some reason Sheree has wandered in despite the fact she can’t afford to go to Canton, let alone Kenya for a wedding. Porsha at least told Shamea that she can’t afford to go to Kenya.
Insert Porsha’s stupid vegan storyline here. Porsha’s sister thinks that women get new eggs somehow and suggests that Porsha not freeze her current eggs but to wait until she has been vegan for six months. Things like this make me infuriated that people keep paying these fools huge salaries to film their stupidity.
Kenya cries to her producer, Joi, about the online drama surrounding her wedding. She tells her that she and Marc were supposed to go to church the next day to have their wedding blessed by the preacher and he is just so stressed out that he is not eating or sleeping. His exes are sending him things about Kenya from 25 years ago and things are just really difficult. She says the pressure is too much (from production telling her that Marc must be on the damn show) and she doesn’t wanna get divorced. It’s just heartbreaking and makes me feel bad for even running the story in the first place. Although, it would have come out anyway.
Sheree has found three people, probably bloggers, to pretend to be her friends and film a scene with Kandi at Kandi’s house. Apparently, they are going to play the part of her kids to she can practice telling them that their father was physically abusive toward her. Correct me if I am wrong, but don’t kids generally already know this? Even Sheree admits that she knows the kids have heard about it on social media. Kandi gives Sheree the perfect script to introduce the topic. Kandi is great at this. Sheree not so much.
Noelle has a boyfriend in Charlotte. That explains why she went to prom in Charlotte. But the real reason Noelle wants to live there is because Peter is going to actually have his own spinoff there.
At Shamea’s bridal shower, when Porsha and her sister arrive and sit at the table with Kandi and Sheree. Kandi gets up and walks off. Porsha tells Sheree that she can’t fly coach to Kenya because she has vasovagal syncope. Sheree doesn’t believe her. I do believe her because vasovagal syncope is when your blood pressure drops really fast and you faint. It has happened to Porsha before at a mall. However, to my knowledge is has nothing to do with sitting for long periods of time. It’s more like when people are standing at attention for long periods of time. So she’s telling the truth about having it, but the long flight in coach would probably not trigger it.
I am not going to even recap the stupid bridal games. Shamea is pissed that Porsha is not coming to her wedding. Porsha is pissed it was bring brought up again in front of everyone. Shamea and Porsha get into a huge fight outside the venue when Porsha is getting ready to drive off. Shamea says Porsha put Phaedra in front of her during the last filming season and they never saw each other. Now she doesn’t want to be in her wedding. This relationship is broken.
Next week: Sheree throws a party for her mother (that was the worst thing for production to film and continue to hide the lack of basic things necessary to have a party in an unfinished house with no certificate of occupancy. Besides the fact that the city has strictly forbidden her from having parties in the house with no CoO. Gregg has his health scare (that I am told Nene really played up) Cynthia starts her fake relationship with Will. Porsha’s sister doesn’t want film with her anymore either.