By Guest Contributor Becky J.
It’s reunion time in Dallas! Andy greets all the ladies with his signature personal shady comment. He asks Cary about yoga, LeeAnne about her engagement, D’Andra about her mom (he’s obsessed, too) Stephanie about her house, Kameron about pink and Brandi about her baby making. Apparently she’s pre menopausal and she uses this as an opportunity for an out-of-the-gate dig at LeeAnne. And we’re off.
After a phallic-themed feel-good highlight reel featuring LeeAnne in the hot dog costume, the tequila worm shot in Mexico and the dildo, the first topic is Brandi and Stephanie’s relationship. Brandi admits to being jealous of Stephanie’s relationship with Cary and acting immature when she just stopped talking to Stephanie.
Somehow it turns into a conversation about LeeAnne (surprise). LeeAnne tries to make Stephie seem like the asshole for the “Two Face” Halloween costume. When that fails, she points out that Stephanie said she didn’t care about her flesh-eating bacteria. Stephanie apologizes, but I wish she would have stood her ground.
D’Andra says she would have kicked LeeAnne out for dressing up like Two Face. Andy asks LeeAnne what she would have done had it been her home. She says she would have tried to talk because she’s a problem solver. This is hilarious. Everyone seems to agree that LeeAnne is a problem maker. Then she plays the PTSD from childhood card. I can’t with this again.
D’Andra says lots of people have fucked-up childhoods and they don’t go around acting like LeeAnne. Stephanie says LeeAnne uses her “story” as an excuse. Duh. The true star of this scene is Kameron sitting next to LeeAnne, smiling smugly and nodding in support of her. She finally found her niche—as LeeAnne’s prop. What an idiot. Brandi asks why LeeAnne never brought up PTSD when her brother was struggling with it last season. LeeAnne tells Brandi to, “be careful.” in a low voice. Brandi accuses her of bullying again.
Andy switches gears, asking Kameron why she’s such a fake bubblehead. She says why would anybody want to pay attention to what is really happening in the world when they can pretend everything is wonderful. They discuss the pink dog food and she reveals that the reason they changed the formula to include brown kibble mixed with pink was because pink dog poop was alarming. Next.
There’s a moment of ridiculousness when Brandi calls Kameron Big Bird and Kameron calls Brandi Oscar the Grouch who lives in a garbage can. Kameron defends her judgemental attitude about Brandi’s zip code. Brandi maintains the fact that the dildo thing was funny. Kameron says she was bullied with the dildo. (Yep, I just typed that.) I hope somebody brought the dildo to the reunion.
Why is Kameron still talking? There’s no point to this discussion of “Dallas high society.” Oh, turns out Brandi left the dildo at home out of respect for Kameron.
Andy talks to D’Andra. They discuss how hot her husband is, how much money she has and how poorly she treated her stepson. I guess that wasn’t the first time he tried to live with them. Not much drama here, moving right along.
Now we’re addressing LeeAnne’s anger problem. They roll the clip of her getting in Cary’s face and smashing the glass. Andy asks about the old police report from the ex-boyfriend and she denies its existence. Most of the women think LeeAnne’s therapy isn’t working.
Brandi talks about the “they’re just hands” scene. Andy points out that LeeAnne has threatened three people on the show. LeeAnne downplays this. Stephanie points out that LeeAnne’s nastiest threats always happen off camera. LeeAnne talks about some therapist mumbo-jumbo again. Just avoiding responsibility for her actions as an adult.
Now we’re on plastic surgery. This should be good. Andy tries to get to the bottom of it, but LeeAnne won’t let him get a word in. Finally it’s Cary’s turn. She points out that much of Mark’s practice is fixing other surgeons’ botched jobs. And that’s it. Brandi talks about how uncomfortable she was the morning of LeeAnne’s surgery when she went off behind the closed door. LeeAnne blames the pills.
LeeAnne says Cary, Brandi and Stephanie want her “not to be a part of this group” AKA kicked off the show. They deny this, they probably realize the show would be boring without LeeAnne. D’Andra wins the day by saying she doesn’t really understand how Cary can hate LeeAnne so much after only knowing her for a year. The obvious implication is that when you know LeeAnne longer than a year, you have so many more reasons to hate her.
LeeAnne defends herself, saying she never actually hurts anyone, she just has a problem with words. D’Andra points out that LeeAnne gets off on making people unsafe and that’s the problem. Then Andy says it’s time to bring Mark out. LeeAnne loses her shit, saying she thought it was a closed set. Shady Andy says Mark is a guest, which is a surprise. LeeAnne gets up and walks off, making mean comments about the fact that security guards are tailing her.
To be continued…