By Guest Contributor Becky J.
It’s season two finale night in Dallas! I’m excited for the show, but sad that the season is over. Plus (after not watching OC for weeks and catching up on 4 episodes over the weekend) I’ve been watching those idiots argue in circles over Vicki’s latest tired-ass vacation hospitalization so I need a real Real Housewives fix.
This week, we start with D’Andra and LeeAnne planning the engagement party. The theme is carnival—but D’Andra implores LeeAnne to make it more “Cirque du Soleil” than “Iowa State Fair.” D’Andra goes into a little aside in her private interview about how she’s throwing an engagement brunch for LeeAnne, who has been a true friend to her and helped her with her own wedding to Jeremy. All I know is that I paused the TV on D’Andra’s wedding picture and her whole look is ba-nanas.
Surprise! LeeAnne has a difficult relationship with her mother. You would never guess that, right? She gets along so well with other women. Anyway, her mom is coming to town for the engagement party even though they haven’t seen each other in two years.
Stephanie and Travis are discussing the big renovation, which is already underway. And it’s big. To the tune of $3.5 mil. I say, good for her. He was a dick for buying that house without asking for her input and if she’s gonna live there and raise her kids there, she needs to like it and feel comfortable. The living room pool is being covered.
Here comes LeeAnne’s mom. I guess she’s staying with LeeAnne and Rich, which seems odd if they don’t get along and haven’t seen each other in years. Why not put her up at a hotel and meet on neutral turf? Is LeeAnne being overly dramatic about the rift?
Now we’re at Brandi’s. Why does she always let her kids sit on the kitchen counter? Like butts and dirty little feet on cooking/eating surfaces. Not mention the danger of falling. They are planning Brinkley’s birthday party and there is a bunch of nonsense about Elf on the Shelf, then they destroy the kitchen with confetti canons and silly string for some reason. Brandi just tries too hard. It makes me tired to watch her. Speaking of trying, she and her husband are trying to have baby. Great, more kids to set on the counter.
LeeAnne’s mom sent a bunch of boxes ahead with old stuff from the past, pictures of them on the carnival circuit and LeeAnne’s old pageant sashes. They have a nice conversation while looking at the memorabilia and LeeAnne invites her mom to go to therapy with her. So far, LeeAnne’s mom seems pretty normal and reasonable.
Stephanie has planned a lunch with Cary and Brandi to intervene over the whole “slutty homewrecking nanny” thing that Brandi threw in Cary’s face at the white party. Brandi’s hair really needs to be brushed out, the curls are sprayed and tight. Brandi apologizes right off the bat for the nanny dig, Cary apologizes for saying she wouldn’t be friends with them during dildo-gate and they both say the word “ownership” a whole bunch.
Cary and Stephanie present a solid case against LeeAnne, citing evidence of her various manipulations. The problem with this is that they are just as bad a LeeAnne for having this big meeting to turn Brandi against her right before the engagement party. Brandi starts crying and flips right over to their side, then spills a bunch of stuff LeeAnne said about them during the Stephanie/Brandi breakup.
Remember D’Andra and the L22 saga? It’s the magical anti-aging ingredient for the new product she had to beg her mom for permission to create. So, the L22 is delayed and that throws off the product launch timeline by a couple weeks. Money has been wasted. D’Andra’s mom rips her a new one (and also says she doesn’t understand the word “snafu” which is funny) but she ends up forgiving her and lecturing her about turning lemons into lemonade. They have a tearful(?) moment, except neither of their faces move much. Then D’Andra’s mom ceremonially presents her with the key to the office.
Cary has been staying home with Zuri and enjoying it. It’s her and Mark’s seventh wedding anniversary. Mark has Zuri “help” present Cary with $20K worth of Birkin and wallet from Hermes. Mark is a showoff and it’s all coming off as a very phony happy family scene to me.
LeeAnne and her mom are at therapy. I have already had eee-nough of LeeAnne. The therapist helps them communicate and clear the air. It’s all very touching they say love each other. But wait, how will LeeAnne blame her bad behavior on the fact she was “abandoned” as a child now?
It’s finally the engagement party night. It looks cool. The classy carnival theme came together. LeeAnne is super high on the good feels of the night and makes a nice speech, then she has a private convo with Brandi about what a wonderful friend she is. She says Brandi has her heart and if ever she does something to hurt Brandi, she want Brandi to call her and tell her right away. Then there’s a bad edit to LeeAnne saying “Don’t ever fuck me over or I will slit your little throat.” and laughing maniacally.
I’ve been trying to keep the style commentary to a minimum since this is already a long recap because the episode was jumbo sized, BUT it must be said that I think everybody looked nice at the engagement party except LeeAnne’s dress didn’t fit quite right in the ass and Brandi was wearing an ice skating dress from the children’s department.
Now it’s time for the brunch. It’s at D’Andra’s house, which is in a seperate zip code from her earrings because they are so gigantic. Also, for some nonsensical reason, Stephanie is wearing a Christmas sparkle bow tie. D’Andra asks Cary and LeeAnne if they are going to be able to get along long enough to make it through the wedding festivities. What a dumb question! They have never gotten along. And here we go, they start to have yet another conversation about how Cary said Rich has a small dick. Cary says what about how LeeAnne called Mark a chop-shop doc who gets his dick sucked at the Round Up? LeeAnne really steps in it when she says that she never “thinks or talks” about Cary when she’s not around.
That’s when Brandi does the final flip-flop. She gets loud with LeeAnne, telling her that’s total bullshit and then spilling everything she talked to Cary and Stephanie about at lunch. LeeAnne denies saying the dildo thing will ruin everybody’s reputations, even though she said it on camera. Cary and LeeAnne argue about that scream the word “verbatim” back and forth five or six times.
Brandi screams at LeeAnne and stomps out of the brunch, with Stephanie trailing behind. D’Andra follows them and Cary exits shortly after. This leaves LeeAnne to cry (with no tears) to Kameron, who I successfully managed to not recap at all this episode until now because she’s so insignificant. Dammit!
In the final moments, we learn that D’Andra’s mom decided to stay on at the company to supervise the L22 launch and still comes to the office overy day. Cary is back at work with Mark two days a week and he took her to Zurich and bought her another Birkin. Kameron’s stupid Sparkle Dog dog food is available in some stores. Stephanie is still working hard with Cruz on his school work, remodeling her new house and spending her husband’s money. Brandi is not talking to LeeAnne right now. She’s back together with Stephanie and still trying for baby number three. LeeAnne is doing more therapy and planning her wedding for next summer. Brandi is not invited. Hope we are…
Next week, part one of the reunion. I’ll be there!