Le sigh. Well at least this week, this shit show will be on the road in Iceland. Iceland sure is pushing the tourist thing lately if you fly Iceland Air to say, Paris. You can fly to Iceland for and take a three day layover and then continue on to Paris. If you just go to Iceland the flights are super cheap. I should probably go ahead and just get a passport with a fat fucking photo and get back on the plane.
I love Lydia. I know you mean old bitches do not, and that she is probably not coming back next season, but she’s just the right level of hot mess to me. She HUGGED the driver who picked them up at the airport like they were long lost friends. Who does that? Was that Meghan who said her girlfriend told her that guys from Iceland have “big weiners”? Let the girls’ trip begin.
Oh forget about going to Iceland, it’s almost a ten hour flight from Atlanta. I do not want to go that badly. Tamra is disturbed that there is 20 hours of sunlight because she thinks she looks better at night. One of the first things I observe is that Lydia took a seat in the very back of the van and Vicki is in the next row. Vicki is prone to throwing up in the back of vans, I wonder why she didn’t sit up front. Not long into the trip Kelly who was also in the back, gets a wave of claustrophobia and has to get up and move to the front where the nanny, the baby, Meghan and Tamra have set up camp.
The gang stops to pick up a few things in Reykjavik before heading out to the frozen tundra. Everyone is buying parkas and winter wear since they don’t experience winter in the OC. Shannon is irked that Tamra and Vicki are getting along. The exchange rate seems to be 100 to 1. This explains the huge push for tourism to the country.
Back in the van, Kelly is asking the driver all sorts of questions about Iceland. I think it is great but everyone else is annoyed and wants to sleep. Didn’t they just spend 14+ hours on an airplane sleeping? Open your eyes and have a look around!
They arrive at Hotel Ranga and it looks really cool. The rooms are amazing. Every room is a special theme. Tamra’s Asian room is hysterical and not my favorite. Tamra and Vicki are just like old times. Shannon goes to bed.
Everyone except for Tamra and Shannon meet with the owner to try gross foods and beverages. I hate gross food challenges. I need to fast forward.
Lydia is upset that Shannon sent a group text about missing the gross food challenge and she was not on the group text. Everyone goes to bed except for VIcki and Kelly who went into town to find a place to Whoop It Up! They ended up crashing a class reunion party for some high school grads from 1987 and they had a blast.
The next morning, Shannon and Tamra join the group wearing viking hats and fake braids. Tamra is a bit sad that she was not with Vicki on the crazy night out on the town.
First stop is ATV riding. Um, have these fools learned nothing? Vicki almost died the last time they went on ATVs! Vicki says that she’s not worried about a repeat because she is driving and she’s a great driver. They ride them around a black beach on the ocean. It’s nothing but black beach and whale bones. It’s rather fascinating. Next up is lunch at the foot of a huge waterfall. At lunch, Shannon tells Tamra that she is the one who started the group text and Lydia thinks it was her. She wants Tamra to fess up. Shannon seems to genuinely feel badly that Lydia’s feelings were hurt and says so to Lydia. Then Tamra is all like “really your feelings were hurt because you weren’t in a group text?” I imagine if I had feelings then mine would be hurt as well if I were on a trip with a bunch of women (/shudder) and everyone one else was texting and leaving me out of he conversation. Then again I don’t have a cell phone so I really would not care. Lydia does care. She cares so very much. So much in fact that tosses her menus at Shannon and Ramra and then she storms away from the table. Oh Lydia, sometimes life is not all about you and having everything your way. I know it usually is all about you but you are not at home with your family and your endless resources and your ability to only do fun things that you like your way. This is why I don’t go on girls’ trips anymore. You have to go along with the group. Then Lydia explains that she felt their Jesus vibe makes them very close and now she is discredited her feelings.
Lydia has locked herself in the bathroom and Vicki and Peggy go to talk to her but she doesn’t let them in. Lydia comes back to the table and says it is not a big deal and she doesn’t care. But she does care. She cares so much.
Despite having a full time nanny for Aspen, Meghan really doesn’t seem to understand motherhood. It’s weird that she went through IVF to have a kid and seems very, detached from the baby.
Vicki and Lydia take a walk to the waterfall and Vicki very sweetly tells Lydia that she needs to apologize to Tamra and Vicki for throwing the menus. I don’t think that really warrants an apology she was simply expressing her feelings. But Vicki seem to think it would stop it from turning into a thing, so maybe she is right. Lydia agrees. So after an awkward apology they hug it out.
Next up, they hike on a glacier. Kelly Dodd is freaking hysterical telling Olaf, the guide that she needs help tightening up her hiking gear because she just had a boob job and cracking inappropriate sex jokes. If I HAD to go on a trip with one of these women, I’d choose Kelly. Who would you choose? And none of them in not an acceptable answer. Off they go hiking with cleats and ice picks. Shannon, bless her heart is winded before they even start, just like I would be. I get winded shopping for groceries.
After what looked to me like a pretty serious hike for these old ladies, Vicki is not feeling very well. Remember, she was just diagnosed with atrial fib and perhaps some blockage of an artery. I really don’t think she shared that with the other women, or possibly production at the time. In fact the scene in the doctor’s office totally seemed like a recreation when I watched it.
As Vicki is preparing for dinner she starts to vomit, her heart is pounding out of her chest she complains of a numb arm and idiot Peggy is telling her she is having a panic attack. What she is having is a heart attack or possibly a stroke. Kelly tells Peggy that she has a heart condition and they need to call an ambulance. See? This is why Kelly is my girl to go on a trip with.
The show ends with the police arriving before the ambulance. This happens a lot in foreign countries. I was at a cafe in Paris once and a guy fell over and went into a seizure. It was astounding to me that I had to render aid. I have a relative with a major seizure disorder and the waiter, and later the police were doing all the wrong things. I literally had to tell the waiter not to put a spoon in his mouth and not to hold him down. I rolled him on to his side and put my hands under his head to keep it from banging on the concrete. The seizure was VERY long. I was quite worried about him. When I asked the waiter the next night ( I was a regular at the cafe and went there every night at some point) if they had any word on the guy they said he was fine and just faking it. But they took him out with a sheet over his head after moving him inside (while still seizing and against my medical advice). I’ve always wondered about that guy. The next day my hand was black and blue and three times its normal size from being beaten on the concrete over and over. I was drunk, so I didn’t feel a thing at the time.
I just don’t understand why the cops come before the ambulance in some places. Like the police come and THEN decide if an ambulance is needed.
So tonight, on the sixteenth episode, we finally have an interesting show.