What the Phuck is going on with Phaedra Parks? I watched a really good episode of Anthony Bourdain’s CNN show Parts Unknown the other night where he went to Lagos, Nigeria. It wasn’t focused on the wealthy Nigerians, but the hundreds of thousands who struggle every day to survive. Anthony said to one of his local guides, “They say that here everyone needs three hustles.”
Well, Miss Phaedra Parks needs to pick a lane or three. According to her Instagram, Phaedra lists her current hustles thusly, “Southern belle, mommy, mortician, mediator, attorney, housewife & Secrets of the Southern Belle author.” Let’s pause a moment to go through these. I’ve already told you how ignorant it is for a black woman to call herself a southern bell. It shows a lack of historical knowledge. Amid all of the current brouhaha over the statues of Confederate heroes, The Orpheum Theater in Memphis cancelled the 35th annual screening of Gone With The Wind, because of fears that Scarlett O’Hara’s racist attitudes would be too offensive and controversial. Despite the movie receiving ten Oscars, including one for Hattie McDaniel as best supporting actress for her portrayal of a slave named Mammy making her the first black actress (or actor) to win an Oscar. In the current climate, Gone With The Wind and and Southern Belle stereotype was considered too racially provocative. I’ve been less hard on Kenya Moore, because she’s from Detroit. But Phaedra’s lack of historical background is shocking. It’s clear she secretly has a bit of a “Bluest Eye” thing going on. She lists her fake facade just before, “mommy.” I am not going to mock her parenting here, because no one I know who knows her has ever seen her parenting.
Mortician is next. Oh yes, I remember that scam. Before it was a sure thing that Apollo was going back to the prison where Phaedra found him, the word on the street was that somebody needed to launder some money. Once he went off to prison, we never heard another thing about embalming people.
Mediator? Does she know what that means? When has she ever mediated anything? Ditto the next one, attorney. Since when? The last case that I know of was a few years ago when a little black child was dropped off at the wrong bus stop, or left or a bus or something. There was Phaedra on TV being “an attorney.” I don’t think there was ever any litigation. But Phaedra got her camera time. Phaedra Parks is the biggest attention whore ever to be on reality TV.
Housewife? Is she married on RHOA? She did get her name on a ghostwritten book though so I guess that last one is a half truth. Which is all you can expect from Phaedra.
It’s really interesting to me that Phaedra left out any sort of religious moniker in that list. There is not reference to child of god, or spiritual gangsta, or my favorite “blessed and highly favored” in the mix at all.
Like the people of Makoko, Phaedra Parks has three hustles. First she wants to do whatever she can do to get attention. The plan she has always had to keep things going after RHOA was some sort of political office. So she hangs out with the dregs of politics. If politics does pan out for her, she wants to use the church to get her more fame. So she hangs out with pastors with criminal records. Her third hustle is her kids, which are her props to get her more attention. Don’t believe me? Check out her Instagram. It’s her with politicians, it’s her preaching to her fans, it’s her dressing up her boys in staged photos.
These are her three plans. This past week or so, she posted photos of her glad handing with the likes of Fredrica Wilson, publicizing a religious film she had nothing to do with, and pimping out her kids. She’s working her three hustles.
AND THEN TONIGHT!
She’s gone way out in left field. She’s clearly in the red financially. The three hustles are not working. So she has taken a booking in Las Vegas! Sin City! Just like any upstanding politician, religious leader, mother would do. She’s going to be at Charlies in Las Vegas this Sunday night! I guess she will have to cancel the solo of His Eye Is On The Sparrow she was planning to sing at her local church this week. Thankfully, she got her interview in with HLN this week to talk about how great Fredrica Wilson is. The boys rarely see her anyway so they will not notice she is gone.
Now, I know you are wondering, what is Charlie’s? Well Charlie’s is a gay bar in Vegas that describes itself as, ” A little bitty pissant country place.” Apparently it is Pride weekend in Vegas. On Saturday night four of RuPaul’s drag queens will be there. On Sunday night, it’s three for one drinks, and a drag queen, two youtubers, some go-go dancers and Phaedra Parks. Please, Imma need Jim to go to Charlies on Sunday. It’s also very interesting to me that the clientele appears to be mostly white, while the performers are generally people of color. You think someone so concerned about the plight of young black men would notice these things.