By Guest Contributor Becky J.
We’re finally back in Dallas this week! D’Andra is having coffee with her hot husband, looking great without all that crazy makeup. Stephanie is collecting all her online shopping that was delivered while she was away and hiding it from her husband. Kameron is talking to her dogs because she is alone while other people raise her kids. Brandi is trying to keep her daughter from eating candy for breakfast. And then we’re are Cary’s house…
Mark asks about the trip. Cary replies that she had a great time with Kameron and D’Andra but Brandi and Stephanie didn’t have her back. The body language speaks volumes in this scene. Mark is sitting stone faced with his arms crossed. Cary is curled up on the bed, trying to physically disappear. She tells him LeeAnne said he goes to “bars” and has “guys hit on him.” Wait—what? We all know the story is Mark allegedly gets his dick sucked at the Round Up, so why is she sugar-coating it?
Brandi is planning a holiday white party while one of her daughters writhes on the floor of the event space. Everyone has RSVP’d yes except D’Andra, who will be out of the country. Speaking of D’Andra, she’s pitching her mom a new anti-aging serum. For once, her ball-buster mother doesn’t immediately shut her down. Then she hears the budget—$100K. There’s a tense moment, but D’Andra’s research is solid and her mom agrees!
LeeAnne is getting an IV treatment in her home. She’s not feeling well since Mexico, but hell-bent on making it to Brandi’s party. Brandi calls on FaceTime and LeeAnne tells her that Cary said she can’t be friends with them. I feel like this is taken out of context because it was the night of the boat ride when Brandi and Stephanie were being silly with the dildo. I don’t think Cary seriously meant to tell LeeAnne that she was done with them (even if it’s kinda true) she was just done with them on the trip. LeeAnne says she’s coming to the party specifically to confront Cary. Great.
Kameron and her purse doggie are visiting a dog food factory. She’s wearing a giant fluffy pink fur vest. You can tell the guys she’s meeting with are just seeing dollar signs and rolling their eyes behind her back. Ugh. No more Kameron!
This is fun: LeeAnne’s surgical site has developed necrosis! Maybe it’s cuz her insides are just so rotten. Okay, that was mean (#sorrynotsorry). But really what did she expect, traveling to Mexico with open wounds? I smell a great excuse for a violent outburst.
D’Andra and Jeremy are going to Croatia for the holidays. It sounds great. Jeremy’s son, Keatin, FaceTimes them. He’s doing fine back home, working and being a fucking 20 year old. D’Andra apologizes for her overbearing behavior while he was staying with them. She also connects the way she acted with Keatin with the way her mom tries to control her. This scene confirms my opinion that D’Andra is one of the very few housewives who is rich, smart, successful and self-aware in any city.
Everybody is getting ready for Brandi’s party, except Mark. He’s going to a “plastic surgery dinner” instead. This seems like a big pussy move to me. It definitely makes him seem guilty that he won’t even face LeeAnne when she’s spreading this rumor about him. If it’s just a stupid lie, then why is he hiding?
At the party, Brandi takes Stephanie aside and tells her what Cary said to LeeAnne the night of the yacht party. Stephanie looks at the situation with her “smart glasses” recognizing that LeeAnne is not a reliable source and that she and Cary have a different kind of relationship than the one Cary has with Brandi. I like Stephanie. Then Brandi drops a bomb. She says she has been protecting Cary when people talk shit about her but the truth is she was Mark’s nanny when they met. She took care of his kids—the ones who are 16 and 20ish. UGH!
This adds a whole new dimension to the creep factor between Cary and Mark. She made it sound like she was a nurse who worked with him last season when she was explaining how they met. Being his nanny who took care of the children he had with his ex-wife is a different story entirely. You gotta hand it to Brandi, she’s got a flair for the dramatic reveal.
Cary arrives at the party with Kameron, who brings batteries as a hostess gift. Kameron wants us to think she doesn’t know the difference between a vibrator and a dildo. LeeAnne wants sympathy from everyone except Cary about her flesh-eating bacteria. She forbids Brandi to mention it to Cary. Brandi asks Cary why she said she can’t be friends with Brandi and Stephanie. Cary looks blank. Probably because they were all drunk and LeeAnne took it totally out of context. LeeAnne is gonna prove it and has a stack of notecards, for fucksakes.
The party is too loud for a proper argument, so the ladies adjourn to a VIP room downstairs to fight. It becomes another fight about the dildo. Cary admits that she was embarrassed by the encore appearance of the dildo and Brandi seems too offended. LeeAnne jumps in and makes it all about herself (as usual). Stephanie and Cary have a genuine moment and you can tell that Brandi is still threatened by Cary’s relationship with Stephanie and bothered the fact that Cary is friends with Kameron, who she hates.
Let me clarify my position: I do think Cary is two-faced and shady. I just don’t think it’s any worse than the way Brandi or LeeAnne act on a regular basis. At least Cary can control her temper and has some redeeming qualities like a career, a drive to be healthy and a good mom. Unlike LeeAnne. The fact that Stephanie is thawing toward Cary and that Cary is keeping her cool is driving LeeAnne nuts. She tries getting in Cary’s face, Cary says her breath smells. LeeAnne replies that she hopes it smells like dog shit, then throws a glass votive candle holder from the table on the ground and it shatters. Kameron leans over to Brandi and says, “Is this why you only have plastic cups?” Which is actually pretty funny.
Everybody takes the broken glass in stride, because LeeAnne. Brandi then launches into Cary, apparently unwilling to let go of the whole “doctor killed people on the operating table” thing. Sure, Cary probably told Brandi that, but she far too smart to have done it one camera and of course she can’t admit it now. Why can’t Brandi let it go? I’ll tell you why. Because she’s harboring a secret grudge against Cary for being Stephanie’s BFF during their break. That’s the truth.
It’s pretty low that Brandi would rather see her “friend” Cary sued for slander than just let go of something that was said off-camera that obviously didn’t impact her experience with the doctor in the end. So, Brandi dramatically outs Cary for being “the nanny” in front of all the women. Cary still keeps her cool (miraculously) saying sure, she babysat the kids from time to time when she worked as Mark’s nurse.
Then she excuses herself. She seems more hurt than angry. I don’t really blame her. She’s already died on the cross over this at last year’s reunion, crying and claiming they did not have an affair and Mark was separated before they got together. Now Stephanie is caught in the middle and Brandi is looking like a big(er) asshole.
Next week: Dogfood, D’Andra’s face serum and Stephanie sits down with Cary. Then Mark confronts LeeAnne about spreading the Round Up rumor and Cary rips Brandi a new one.
I can’t wait!