This is episode fifteen, y’all. FIFTEEN! Fifteen boring episodes robbing us of fifteen hours of your lives that we will never, ever get back. All season, even the housewives have been admitting that the show was “off to a slow start” and promised things would get good once they got to Iceland. Guess what? I doesn’t look like we actually get to Iceland until next week. Tonight we have packing and a dinner party with the requisite psychic at Meghan’s where the conflict for the trip can all be scripted out. Oh and for some reason the trip to Iceland was scripted as a Noblemen event. I am gonna say that was one of Lydia’s demands as part of her agreement to come on the show to play the BFF of Vicki.
So without further ado, welcome to episode fucking fifteen.
Shannon called Tamra to talk about Diko confronting her over David’s questions about Peggy’s cancer. Then Shannon starts screaming at Tamra when Tamra says to just not give any life to the situation. That is something she should also tell her about the David’s cheating and the abuse rumors. Shannon flips out on Tamra and accuses her of being the one who always brings it up. Shannon’s crazy is getting to be too much for Tamra who mutters fuck you after hanging up.
Vicki goes to get a checkup at her cardiologist. We get multiple montages of previous seasons of Vicki screaming and going nuts in stressful situations. The doctor tells her she has a blockage and her right upper chamber is slightly enlarged likely due to atrial fibrillation. So I guess the rumors that Vicki has a heart attack in Iceland are true.
Mystic Michaela is the first guest to arrive at Meghan’s dinner party. When Peggy arrives she wants no part of the aura reading. Vicki stayed home due to her heart problems, and because she was afraid of the psychic. Kelly didn’t want to do the psychic dinner either so she hangs out with Vicki.
Lydia shows up really late to the dinner party to invite everyone to Iceland. Peggy is nervous about traveling without her husband. She’s never been on a girls trip before. I’ve been on a couple. I strongly prefer solo travel.
Peggy is a big Negative Nelly at dinner and finally Meghan asks what her problem is. It’s time to have the conversation between Peggy and Shannon over a conversation neither one of them heard. She starts by saying that Shannon has not returned her calls in three days. Shannon does a fairly reasonable job at giving Peggy a rational summary of David’s part in the conversation. When she is finished Peggy is super condescending asking, ” Are you done?” Then she randomly asks Shannon if she trusts her husband and if he has every lied to her about anything before.
Then Lydia jumps in to defend Peggy, because that is what it says in her contract. The editing is so bad for this fight that nothing is making sense to me. Peggy keeps trying to tell everyone to shut up so she can talk, and then she doesn’t say anything at all about the topic at hand. Instead she says something about the most important person in the room and how she is lucky not to be going through chemo right now. Shannon walks off forgetting to mutter her line of “I’m done!”
Tamra goes to the bathroom where Shannon is crying and having a meltdown. Lydia is pissed that they are hiding in the bathroom like seventh graders and tries to get Meghan to make them come back out to the table. When she refuses Lydia goes to knock on the door and tell them that she and Peggy are leaving. I suspect that production would not let Lydia and Peggy leave until Tamra and Shannon came out of the bathroom.
Peggy and Shannon got to talk one on one and Peggy just starts crying about the cancer she doesn’t have. Peggy leaves in tears and feeling like she is owed a casserole.
Shannon is pissed and crying now because she feels like Peggy made her look like the asshole. I sort of agree with Shannon on this one.
Peggy is crying in the Bravo car in the driveway. Lydia has joined her to console her. Do all of these women have menopause? Tamra screams at the crying Shannon and Meghan threatens to kill them all if they wake up the baby. Is there a Groupon for hormonal testing? Because I’d like to get in on it myself. Lydia is already wanting to disinvite Shannon from the Iceland trip.
We get lots of crying the next day when Shannon goes to visit Tamra. Tamra’s estranged daughter invited her to her high school graduation. Tamra can’t stop crying. She is so happy to be reuniting with her daughter. Of course they are estranged again now because despite specifically telling Tamra not to post photos from the graduation on her Instagram she did anyway. And here she is talking about her again on the show when she has begged her mom not to.
We get a flashback to Shannon three years earlier before the big crazy came she’s like fifty or sixty pounds lighter and looks ten years younger. Shannon told Tamra that things with her and David are really, really bad. There were so many montages from previous seasons on this episode. Why didn’t they just cut the number of episodes?
Finally, we get the packing for Iceland scene, right at the very end. Diko is so pissed that Bravo will not let him go.
OMG we’ve made it to LAX! Meghan is taking the baby and the nanny and they are all in matching Adidas outfits. Icelandair first class cabin looks very cramped.
Next week looks like the first interesting episode of the season.