We start off right away with Teresa getting the call that her mother was not going to make it. Then we get film from the funeral. And Gia’s eulogy. Then we skip a month ahead to Teresa adjusting to life with Joe in prison and her mother passing away. Joe has lost a lot of weight in prison and he is working on his GED. Recently, Joe found out that because he is not a citizen he doesn’t qualify for the alcohol program that would cut a year off his sentence. He is fighting that in court. ICE has already put a deportation hold on him.
Over at Melissa and Joe’s house, Joe is also super depressed over the passing of his mother. Melissa seems to be having some sort of learning experience seeing Joe’s mother die and his father broken-hearted. She thinks maybe they need less stuff and a simpler life. I was proud of her for this learning spurt but then I suddenly remembered an IG post someone sent me from Kim D. This week, or maybe last, week, I can’t keep track. Kim was arguing with an unnamed housewife and said something like, “I’m not the one who pled guilty this week.” I’ve never quite understood how Joe Gorga or Teresa can afford their lifestyles. So maybe they are also having financial problems?
At Dolores’ house she has a new room-mate, her ex-husband. I don’t quit get that family dynamic. Dolores’ son Frankie is about to leave for college. Siggy’s son is also about to leave for college and Siggy is not handling it well.
Back to the sad, sad, musical background I am already over tonight. Teresa and Joe are packing up their father’s belongings and he is going to move in with Teresa. They are also cleaning out their mother’s things. There is a lot of crying. I don’t need any more crying.
I think this season, Envy is actually Melissa’s store. There was a big blow up between the original owner and Melissa that blew up into a big mess. That happened in between seasons so click the link for all the details. Basically the owner shut down the store and took all of the merchandise over to Kim D. at Posche and solid everything at rock bottom prices. Melissa acts like she bought of the merchandise but I don’t think that is true. But now, Envy is back up and running and it belongs to Melissa.
In an attempt to cheer up Teresa and celebrate Melissa’s birthday, Siggy decides to take everyone to Boca Raton where Siggy used to live, for a little rest and relaxation. Siggy introduces the group to Margaret, her new friend who has been to 16 of her book signing events. Siggy will be going on the beach trip as well of course, because she is our new housewife. This show has made me even more depressed.
In Boca, they have three gorgeous suites. Except for Margaret who was already in Florida for another reason. Allegedly. She arrives in a bright yellow convertible. She told us in her talking head that she dumped her presumably wealthy husband for the contractor on their house. I instantly like Margaret and her signature pigtails and whacky clothes. Sadly, I don’t think the season went to well for her.
On the way to dinner in the van, Melissa shares that she sent her first naked photo ever to Joe to cheer him up while she was gone. Melissa says no one believes it but she is very shy. You know who is not shy? Siggy. When she gets to her favorite restaurant she makes a grand entrance and screams hello to everyone in the restaurant while Melissa and Teresa try to hide behind the plants near their booth. It was a spectacle that would put any Nene Leakes “I have arrived!” moment to shame. Even over the top Margaret found it to be too much. Teresa talks to the ladies about how angry she is with Joe. She’s lost her husband, she’s lost mother. She’s really going through a lot.
You know who else is going through a lot? Sixteen year old Gia whose father is in prison and will likely never be back in New Jersey. Her beloved grandmother has just passed away, and she is left to care for her three daughters and her grandfather while her mother is in Boca. She calls her mom to find out who is doing the pick up for dance lessons. This kids has been forced into adulthood for years.
Dolores’ hot son Frankie has failed to do what he needs to do to get his college applications in. She’s going to have to get Frank to handle the situation since she is out-of-town. Frank is hard on Frankie because he feels like Dolores and Frankie’s grandmother have spoiled him and made him soft. He maybe soft on the inside, but those abs are rock hard. His he old enough to legally be objectified by old women yet? I’m asking for a friend. And for my lecherous reader Mark from the UK.
The next morning at brunch, Danielle who know one except Teresa has really mentioned shows up in Boca and plops herself down for a bloody mary with the ladies. It’s not really a shocker though as they had all been to a party she threw the week before. Melissa and Teresa are team Danielle all season. I think Siggy and Dolores were sort of left in the dark.
Danielle starts off talking about the news with Kim D. Her son’s car was found burned to a crisp with two bodies in it and at first she was worried it was her son. It was not. One of his friends had driven him to the airport in his car, and then went on some sort of drug deal afterward in his car and the driver and his passenger were killed and the car was set on fire. The surviving family will be the focus of the Posche Fashion Show this season. And that is where the lunatics, Melissa, Teresa and Melissa go bat shit crazy and things get insane.
Siggy and Dolores are a bit upset that Danielle, Melissa and Teresa are trashing Kim D. Siggy has been friends with Kim D for years. This conversation is the basis for the entire season story arc. Siggy claims she was bullied by these three all season long. It is worth noting that Danielle rallied for a full-time slot on RHONJ this year and certainly filmed enough to be full-time, and clearly did enough to earn full-time and yet did not get full-time. I am still not sure why that happened and never bothered to ask anyone. But this scene here is the pivotal moment when lines were drawn.
Boca is gorgeous. I need to go back there I went there once for work when I had a temp job with a physicians wives association. I really didn’t see things like this beautiful boat ride they are all on for Melissa’s birthday. It’s really beautiful. On the boat, Audriana calls Teresa and she is crying because she misses her grandma. So sad. These girls have been through so much.
Why is my girl Margaret wearing her hair in a bun and dressed to the nines on the boat? If there was ever time for pigtails and a jaunty outfit, this is it. Maybe they are going to a fancy dinner? Yes, in fact they are. Margaret doesn’t drink because she takes migraine meds. The only other drug she does is some sort of spray for the lady garden that intensifies orgasms. Teresa blurts out, “Oh I need that!” and I presume that creepy attorney guy has just ordered a case.
, who was mortified when Siggy was loud and obnoxious the previous evening, got wasted at her birthday dinner and was loud and dancing and having a blast. It’s her birthday and she’s been through a lot too. She has kids whose grandma died too. She needs this. She tells the story of how Teresa ratted her out about dancing with some guy all night at her engagement party and Joe didn’t speak to her for three weeks. Margaret is already starting to realize that Siggy is a whack job. Siggy starts having a major meltdown about her husband wanting her to cut back on all the ridiculous book signing events she does three or four times a week. Then suddenly the birthday cake arrives. Siggy stops ranting to explain the very customized birthday cake she has had made for Melissa. It has the Envy wallpaper and her picture and some sort of shoe on top. It’s all very New Jersey. Or at least New Jersey Housewives. Everyone has some cake and another shot. Then Teresa does a toast to Melissa that ends with her Teresa clocking Melissa in the face with a handful of cake. Melissa yanks the top off the cake and throws it at Teresa, Then, Melissa runs away as Teresa throws the remainder of the cake and the silver tray it came in on at Melissa.
I feel the need to stress they are at a very nice waterfront restaurant. Siggy is PISSED. Siggy is humiliated. When Siggy gets up to start cleaning up the mess, and starts bitching, Margaret tells Siggy to take it down a notch. Really? Siggy tells Margaret to go fuck herself. Welcome to episode one.