By Kimberly, Our New Zealand Correspondent
We are at Michelle’s house with Gilda for a catch up. Gilda missed out on the drama at her book launch being a good hostess. They discuss Angela coming through the curtain right after Gilda’s speech and stealing the limelight. Gilda says her guests remarked on it. Michelle tells Gilda she launched into Angela for it right away. Gilda has no sympathy for Angela. Apparently she wasn’t only a limelight stealer but two hours late. Oh, the horror!
Angela and Julia go shopping for Michelle’s birthday as they’ve been invited to her surprise party by David. They go to an antique store and purchase two large gold candelabras. Over the purchase of the gift they talk about how Louise had bagged out Angela’s book launch. Julia tells Angela what Louise said about Michelle. They decide they’re going to use Michelle’s birthday party to give it to Louise and call her out. Julia crawls up Angela’s backside saying ‘Louise’s star is falling while your [Angela] star is rising’. Wouldn’t go that far. Nope.
Gilda meets Michelle’s husband David to help plan the party. David doesn’t even know what cake Michelle likes. When Gilda asks him from his heart as a romantic gesture what does he think he should do for Michelle’s party. David suggests naked girl jumping out of a cake. Then he suggests himself to which Gilda shuts him down. Thankfully.
Louise has taken on a gig as a late night talk show host. No one is calling in to talk to her because it’s like 1am. She’s sitting sweating bullets. Anne comes by which is good because Anne could talk a leg off a chair. They discuss Anne’s passions. Cats and champagne. A caller calls in and says ‘you’re both very removed from the mass of New Zealand’. They both decide he was a champagne socialist.
Off to Michelle’s birthday party. David helicopters Michele, Crystalle and himself to the venue. Where is the son? Gilda and Louise arrive being driven in Gilda’s Rolls. Anne and Cuddly Bear show up. Anne looks like she pulled one of her costumes from her ballroom dancing days out of the back of the closet. Angela and Julia show up with Lea’ in tow. That poor PA she rode in the backseat (and I use that term loosely) of Julia’s Porche. Poor girl. No wonder she didn’t last long. Angela these last two episodes has put on weight or forgot to put on her spanx as she’s living up to the plus sized comment. For those of you who are sensitive about this its JUST an observation. Point being she looks more like a plus sizes model than she did earlier in season.
They yell surprise and Michelle is startled. Michelle greets everyone thanking them for being there but her husband. She finally gets around to it some time later during the toast. Michelle can’t fathom why Michelle did more than say hi to her. Further she can’t fathom why Lea’ is there. Julia, Anne and Angela are discussing Louise when Louise walks up. Angela then goes on to tell Louise she’s two faced. Louise deflects and gets defensive at Julia asking ‘why, when you can’t keep your self out of the shit you insist on spreading it on me’. Louise says to Julia ‘you’ve got no fucking brain’. Louise walks off. She immediately goes and vents to Gilda and Michelle.
Gilda goes over to Angela tells her Michelle is a bit offended Angela hadn’t gone over and expressly spoken to Michelle at her party. Julia starts telling Gilda about how two faced Louise is. Gilda goes for the juggler and basically tells her she’s a nobody and a ‘fucking idiot’. Julia is visibly shocked and says, ‘you think I’m a fucking idiot?’ To which Gilda replies, ‘Absolutely!’ Julia runs off crying. As Angela moves to follow Julia outside Gilda hollers ‘and you can go too!’ Outside the two of them decide Louise is the root of the problems. Julia thinks Louise is ‘a jealous has been’. Jealous of what? Julia’s many vapid beauty treatments? Julia and Angela go back in with guns blazing to ruin Louise.
The take down takes place when Michelle opens her birthday gifts. Michelle is gob smacked by the candelabras………with burnt candles in them from Julia and Angela. Michelle isn’t too impressed. Anne gives her an expensive bottle of champagne which impresses her greatly. Gilda gives her a Gucci lion ring. Michelle was impressed with the dollar value. Louise didn’t bring a gift so she says to Michelle she will take Michelle to any restaurant of her choice.
Angela tells Michelle (in a weird way) Louise said she would leave her husband once she bled him dry. Louise announces Angela was never her friend and she just faked it. Louise admits she said Michelle would bleed David dry. Michelle is pissed and leaves going to another room pacing like a brat with her arms crossed and a petulant look on her face. Why is she so upset if it’s not true? People always say stupid shit. So unless it’s true and she’s afraid David will by a vowel and get a clue, why get this upset? Louise and Anne tell Michelle it was all an expression. Gilda, Anne and Michelle are on team Louise. Gilda tells Angela she’s an idiot. Angela claims Gilda is out of control. Louise and Anne pipe up and say no ‘she’s just being real!’ Get it? Being Real………Angela’s book title. Angela says Gilda is judgmental but Gilda calls it opinionated. Then Gilda calls Angela a ‘drunken Chardonnay whore’. Gilda must’ve been saving all this up for the end finale. She goes on to call her a ‘stupid beast’. Louise goes on to deflect and tells Angela and Julia they had an agenda for this party. Angela is ‘like, yeah, right’. How soon they forgot the antique store convo. Gilda is coming across very nasty.
ANGELA: Continues to work hard growing her brand. She hopes one day it will be plus sized.
LOUISE: Continues to talk her way out of anything…. Including reading Angela’s book.
MICHELLE: After the worst birthday party ever, Michelle has decided to spend time with her REAL best friend…….Marley.
ANNE: Still insists on manners and decorum in all situations. But refuses to give up using the word ‘pussy’.
JULIA: Continues to wear the pants in her relationship. While Michael still wears the ring.
GILDA: Her social media continues to grow. What does she know about her followers? Not a fucking thing.
Note From TT: Huge shout out to Kimberly who wrote all of these recaps when the first show aired in New Zealand. We didn’t even know at the time if we would get the shows at all. It was a full year later that the episodes aired here!
Also, thanks to the faithful few viewers who are willing to watch some foreign franchises with me. I really find it quite odd that the entire rest of the world gets all the American shows but we get very few foreign shows here. There doesn’t seem to be much interest, so thanks for watching this season with me!