Sorry to disappoint you, gentle readers, but you are stuck with my recap of Jax & Britanny as The Fabulous Lady C, is unavailable for this recap. In fact, I’ll probably be doing the rest of them. She isn’t really filming the season.
I on the other hand, love this show. I did just realize I really haven’t really eaten today and need to scrounge something up before Big Brother tonight. I’m rather grouchy today. Jax is sweating like a whore in church. That’s because he is a whore getting ready to go to a Pentecostal church with Britanny and her mother. This is going to blow Jax mind. And probably blow some of your minds too. It is quite the experience. I have a lot of family on my mamas side that go to churches just like this. It is interesting that Britanny is putting on makeup. I can’t wait to see if her mother wears any. This religious group does not believe in women wearing makeup or jewelry. At least that is what Church of God of Prophecy believes. Tan Mom is wearing a ton of makeup. A shit ton of makeup.
The church isn’t very full. It seems as though the interracial couple did not sign the release which only served to draw more attention to them by blurring out their faces. Jax survived the service and the talking in tongues and the dreaded turning to your neighbors and greeting them. Then he and Britanny hightailed it right out of there. Jax tells Mamaw that the Pentecostal church just isn’t his thing. She says it doesn’t matter to her what type of church they go to, as long as the go.
The next thing on Jax’s list of southern activities to look silly doing is hunting. They have decked him out in head to toe camouflage.
While the boys were away, the ladies went out to lunch. I have never had beer cheese before or even heard of it, but it is apparently all the rage in Kentucky. I love beer, and I love cheese, so I definitely need to check that out. It is there that we are reminded that Jax is on probation from the sunglasses he shoplifted in Hawaii. So he can’t shoot guns. That happened two years ago so it seems like an awfully long time. Was he convicted of a felony? He didn’t have to do any jail time. Britanny is upset that Jax is telling everyone that she is depressed.
So Jax has to tell Britanny’s dad that he actually can’t shoot firearms. In fact, when Thomas Ravenel went on the hunting trip on Southern Charm, he couldn’t be around the guns at all. Jax may be walking a fine line here. He did come clean to Britanny’s dad about the theft charge though. They claim they are hunting coyotes. I have never heard of this. They claimed they didn’t see any because of all of Jax talking. However, there were some convenient targets set up for them to shoot at.
Britanny takes Jax a couple of her friends to the local bar where they order a fishbowl. In South Carolina where I used to drink these, they were called mind erasers. It’s a giant container, in this case, and actual fishbowl, that comes with a straw for everyone and you drink the entire thing together until it is all gone. That is, you don’t stop sucking until the entire gigantic drink is gone. It is a terrible idea and Jax is way too old for this. Oh they are just going to sip it. That kind of defeats the entire purpose and puts everyone’s spit in the drink. Jax is talking about the church service quite negatively in front of Britanny’s sister and her friends. Britanny is trying to reel him in and help him out but he just keeps going.
I am tired of the whole “Britanny is losing her spark” storyline. Why the hell is he telling everyone on earth that Britanny is depressed, but not talking to her about it?
Then Britanny’s ex-boyfriend, who she was living with when she met Jax, walks into the bar. Now I see why Tan Mom and Mamaw are so ready to marry Britanny off. The ex, Aaron, is black. I can guarantee you Mamaw was not happy about that. Jax is freaking out. He has no playbook for how to act when an ex boyfriend shows up and starts talking to your girlfriend. So he goes to the bar to get another shot while Aaron and Britanny catch up on old times.
Jax decides to just buy shots for the three of them. He doesn’t need anymore shots. He seems intimidated by Aaron who is a super chill guy. Jax asks Britanny more than once if she if okay if he buys them all a shot. She’s fine. Aaron is fine. Jax is freaking out. In her confessional, Britanny reminds of that in LA all they do is hang out with Jax’s exes.
Later, Jax and Britanny talk privately and Jax asks her if she is sure she is not unhappy because she’s not with Aaron anymore. Britanny says she wouldn’t trade Jax for the world. But while we are on the subject of Britanny’s happiness, she asks him why he keeps telling everyone she has lost her spark, or spunk, as she puts it. Britanny says she is happy being with him in LA. And because Jax is drunk, he doesn’t drop it but instead, tells her he doesn’t think she is happy.
Next week, Jax’s stupid human tricks include, muddin’ on ATVs, telling Mamaw that Britanny has gained a lot of weight and making Britanny cry. And Daddy ain’t having that.