Last night on Big Brother, Julie Chen announced that this winter, CBS will air Celebrity Big Brother! This will be fabulous. Even if you can’t get into my favorite summer show with random fools locked into a house, I think you will love to hate Celebrity Big Brother. The UK version has been a big success and I have never understood why we don’t do it here. The UK version has OUTRAGEOUS paychecks for the obnoxious D-listers they shove in the house. Ray J had the biggest contract ever at a million dollars plus travel. I am not sure he even made it into the house.
In the UK the public votes houseguests out like we did for the first few seasons of Big Brother in the US. I really think we need to go back to that next season as we have been show that people are becoming increasingly too stupid to play the game.
So I have been doing some thinking about who I want to see in the US version of Celebrity Big Brother. I’m going to assume a cast of 8 men and 8 women. Here is my plan for casting.
1)Kathy Griffin. She has absolutely no career left in the US. She is currently on a tour to obscure countries like Australia (JK Aussies, JK) trying to rehab her career. I think she would be FABULOUS. Also a very likely first to be voted out.
2) Cher. Shut up, it’s a fantasy list. Plus she is good friends with Kathy Griffin and Kathy might be able to get her to agree to it as part of a package deal to save Kathy’s career. I LOVE Cher. And Cher is batshit crazy these days. She spends all her time on Twitter tweeting far left whackadoodle shit. Currently she want to fling her doors open as a shelter for the “Poor DACA children” who she doesn’t seem to understand are grown adults with jobs and families. Plus she could sing her own songs without worries about royalties.
3) Nene Leakes. Big Brother loves a loud obnoxious stereotypical black woman. I would love to see Nene on live feeds for a couple of weeks with no place to hide.
4) Demi Lavato. She’s a thirsty bitch lately and I can’t stand her.
5) Taylor Armstrong. She is a cheap get and I think I may be going over budget.
6) Bella Hadid. Because I want to hear her admit when she doesn’t think the live feed cameras are on her that her mother is a fucking fraud.
7) Kate Gosslin. Because someone needs to be the maid.
8) Black Chyna. Because we need sex on the live feeds.
1) Anderson Cooper. I love me some Anderson and I think CNN could let him go for a couple of weeks. It’s not a very long stay on CBB. Also, he and Kathy Griffin have ended their friendship after Kathy’s horrific “joke” photo shoot where she was holding the bloody head of Trump. Anderson clearly could not maintain that friendship considering he is one of the few decent journalist left on TV.
2) Paul Kemsley from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Since the house and cars he rented for last season have been sold by their owners…he needs a paycheck. I’d love to see him open his mouth about Cher not wearing panties.
3)Taye Diggs. Taye used to follow me on Twitter. I didn’t follow him back. Now he doesn’t follow me anymore. He’s hot, but his WWHL episode made me wonder about him. Apparently I didn’t recap that which is weird because I think he was on with Kenya.
4) Titus Burgess because I love him and we need a black funny gay guy.
5) Gage from Flipping Out. Because I think he could win the whole thing and teach Jeff Lewis a lesson at the same time and maybe save that marriage. But he would never do it. He hates being on camera.
6) Ken Jennings from Jeopardy. He could hook up with Anderson and win the house.
7) Toby Keith. Because he was on The View today and I realized I made a mistake by shunning country music growing up. With all the attacks on the south lately. I may even buy some red solo cups.
8) Peter Thomas. Because he is SOFA KING THIRSTY. And he may admit to some illegal shit on the live feeds.
Okay, your turn. Who is your ideal cast to be thrown in a house and live together on Big Brother?