By Guest Contributor Becky J.
I’m so into RHOD this season. I feel like it’s all the fabulous that Orange County is no longer. There are real fresh friendships, relationship and family issues and actual rich people! I love it!
The episode opens at Stephanie and Travis’ new house. They are meeting with the interior designer to discuss the renovations and redecorating. Stephanie says there is no budget, Travis disagrees. Her rationale is that Travis bought the house without her consent, so she can do whatever she wants. I actually think this seems fair, but she seems to always forget she’s married to an overbearing, controlling, egomaniacal bloated frat boy who thinks she is his Barbie doll. He scoffs at her ideas for the house and then plays the “I make the money” card. It’s embarrassing to watch.
Brandi and Bryan go to the doctor together because they have baby fever and want to try for a boy. Brandi talks about her tight “mommy makeover” tummy tuck and recent miscarriage. The doctor assures her that the two things are not related and they agree to move forward with some fertility tests.
LeeAnne and D’Andra (the two most annoying names ever to type) meet to rehash the Halloween party. D’Andra comes out guns blazing and suddenly she’s my new favorite! She calls LeeAnne out on 1. how tacky it was to wear a costume making fun of Stephanie in her own home, 2. what a hypocrite she is for pretending to be an inspirational speaker when she’s petty and insecure AF and 3. tells her she can’t keep using the abused carnie child excuse anymore. She breaks it off! I retract what I said about “poor D’Andra” a couple weeks ago. She can hold her own.
LeeAnne’s weak excuse is that Stephanie is a social climber. Her evidence of this is that Stephanie bought the new house (that she didn’t even want and hates) in the most exclusive neighborhood and awarded Kameron’s princess outfit first prize in her costume contest. She says Stephanie is angling to be Kameron’s BFF because it’s an elevator to the top of Dallas society. It’s pathetic how jealous LeeAnne is and still obsessed with this whole “Dallas society” thing.
Brandi is planning a trip to Tennessee and will be seeing her long-lost Grandfather, with whom she reunited last season on the show. I believe he was referred to as Estranged Grandfather AKA EGF. This season, EGF is recovering from a stroke, but still up for a visit.
So, now we are at the “PositiviTea” charity event for women with HIV again, just like last season. They have asked LeeAnne to do an encore keynote address this year. Most of ladies are there, minus Cary and Stephanie. LeeAnne’s speech is fine. It’s hard to take her seriously in a philanthropic setting when she acts like a vindictive psycho with the maturity level of a 14 year-old girl (I’m being generous) on the show.
Leathery attention seeker, Heidi Dillon, joins the group for some nonsensical conversation. I hope that poor editing was to blame for the disjointed chat. It started with LeeAnne pointing out Heidi’s shoes, then Kameron talking about how her dog has a Cavalli romper and then we cut to Brandi in her one-on-one bashing them for being materialistic. When LeeAnne talked about her matching hot dog costume with her own dog Brandi says she thought the dog should have been a can of beans so they could be “frank and beans” and Kameron shades Brandi for knowing what franks and beans are. I think. I guess the point of this scene is that these two don’t like each other.
Nasty Heidi brings up Travis and Stephanie’s new house cuz she lives across the way. LeeAnne, conniving bitch that she is, innocently says to Brandi, “She hasn’t mentioned this to you?” Brandi looks uncomfortable and shakes her head. I feel bad for her. They all chime in that the house is a money pit built on marshland. LeeAnne says Stephanie bought the house because she’s desperate to be part of Dallas society. Flash back to Brandi screaming at LeeAnne last year about being superficial too obsessed with Dallas society. Not much has changed. Except Brandi is keeping her mouth shut. For now.
Speaking of keeping her mouth shut, D’Andra has more awful, humiliating meetings on camera with her mom. She wants to move to a new office space, update the eye cream packaging and make the employees stop rolling their eyes at her. Her mom does the usual, shames her spending habits, lectures her like she’s 17 and that’s that. Later, D’Andra approaches her mom again (wearing a to-die-for Chanel outfit) and they have a more direct and heartfelt convo, but still nothing is really solved regarding her mom’s retirement.
Cary and Kameron meet for drinks on a rainy night wearing black. It’s a super big deal that Kameron is wearing black and not pink. Also they’re sitting on a patio and it’s slightly drizzly. Kameron has forgotten her umbrella, but don’t worry because her pink Birkin bag has it’s own little rain poncho. She needs to stop talking about the Birkin like now. It’s enough already. Cary is planning a big fourth birthday bash for Zuri. It’s official: Kameron hates Brandi. She calls her “simple” because she lives in the “outskirts” of Dallas. Oh for fucksakes.
Meanwhile across town, Brandi and Stephanie are meeting for their “first date” in awhile. They do not carry Birkins. I still like them. They start with shots—yeah buddy. Brandi brings up LeeAnne talking shit about Stephanie’s new house and calling her a society wannabe. Stephanie denies this and I believe it. Brandi then does a DEAD-on impression of Kameron that makes me laugh. Just like that, Brandi and Stephanie are back.
Brandi comes over to see Stephanie’s new house, which she immediately dubs “Chateau Shutthefuckup” which is my favorite line of the whole episode. Brandi loves the house, Stephanie loves that she loves it. Brandi confides that although she may be cordial with LeeAnne, she would never allow that crazy lady in her house. Stephanie says she is going to have that rule in this new house after the 2-face Halloween debacle. They are so back in love that they decide to prank call Heidi Dillon cuz they can see her home from the window. Also they are ridiculous.
At Zuri’s birthday, which is really cute and fancy, but not too over-the-top because it is just at Cary and Mark’s home and it’s not a huge group. It’s a Housewives party actually for the KIDS, which I love. So, Brandi brought pink metallic gift bags with bottles of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire for Cary and Stephanie. This is her way of inviting them on the girls’ trip to Memphis. The problem is that she chooses to present them while Kameron is standing right there—and Kameron is not invited. Not that she would want to go. She’s just a spoiled brat and mad that she didn’t get a pink present. I guess she owns all things pink the way Ramona owns royal blue. Puh-leeze.
Instead of doing the polite and socially appropriate thing (because Housewives) and excusing herself to check on her kid or drifting away to join another conversation, Kameron stands there with a shitty look on her face. After Cary and Stephanie calm down about the trip, she sarcastically addresses Brandi. She gives her a condescending lecture on etiquette IN FRONT OF HER KID. I’m fucking disgusted with Kameron. Sure, Brandi was a little overzealous. She should have taken Cary and Stephanie aside, but what the fuck? Shaming Brandi over something stupid in front of her kid while her own kid is off with the nanny at a fucking birthday party tells me exactly what this bitch is all about.
Brandi somehow manages to keep her cool. She tells Kameron she’s sorry she feels that way. Then she makes her own sarcastic/truthful crack about wanting to purposely exclude Kameron. Kameron is like a dog with a pink bone. She runs to tattle to her husband (he’s also there, but they still brought a nanny) and it seems like this is going to be the thing that she officially hates Brandi for forever. Awesome. Kameron’s a natural-born Housewife.
Next week: Memphis for half the group, Brandi deals with some heavy family stuff and the rest sit back in Dallas and talk shit. This is getting good!