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You are here: Home / Below Deck / Below Deck: The One Percenters

Below Deck: The One Percenters

September 5, 2017 by tamaratattles 38 Comments

I am so excited for another season of Below Deck. Right away, Captain Lee lets us know that this green crew is the biggest collection of fucking idiots he has ever seen. We are back on Valor in St. Martin. Kate is of course the first one on the boat so that the lovefest between Captain Lee and Kate can begin. Gag me. Matt is the new Canadian chef. How long until he and Kate start fighting? Brianna, a new stew, has sort of a Rocky new agey vibe. I love Rocky. I think I am the only one though. Bruno is a deckhand from Portugal. He has no experience. He doesn’t know forward from aft. Jen is a helpless idiot who asks Bruno to help her with her bag. She has no experience so I suppose she doesn’t know she will be the one helping the charter guests with their bags. I hate Jen instantly. I am looking forward to Kate giving her the mean girl treatment. Nico is back as lead deckhand. There is no bosun yet. I suppose he will be promoted to bosun before the season is over. We also have Chris Brown as a deckhand and the obligatory female deckhand this season is Baker. Chris Brown introducing himself as Chris Brown and talks about himself in the third person.

Captain Lee’s first quote of the season is about how nervous he is about the green crew, he’s clinching so hard that “The pucker effect is so strong, you could not drive a straight pin up his ass with a ten pound sledge hammer.” Alrighty then. The season has officially started.

The two stews change their roomates so they can room with a guy because both of the girls need a lot of bathroom time. At least that is the stated reason. 

The primary charter owns a trampoline park or two all the guests are adrenaline junkies.

Did Valor have a makeover? It’s really beautiful, I don’t remember it being this nice. Despite intensive instruction by Nico, the new deckhands failed to secure the deck cushions so they flew off into the ocean and Nico had to go retrieve them on the tinder. The green crew can’t even get the tinder back on the boat. The stews don’t know, despite Kate telling them, to serve the ladies first. It’s a shit show right out of the gate. Jen must be third stew, because she is in the hole ironing the whole time. Unlike Lauren on Below Deck Med I don’t feel bad for her at all.

The guests requested a fly board. I’ve never seen this before. I have no idea how to explain it. It’s like they stand in these booties and it’s like they are flying above the water. I have zero desire to do this. I’d be on the deck sunning my big fat drinking bloody marys until I passed out.

I love Bruno, but he doesn’t even know how to tie a single knot, even with lots of instruction from Nico. He’s adorable though.

Nico opens up about the unexpected death of his 21 year old brother who died after falling off a balcony. Captain Lee was extremely kind to Nico during that time. That happened in November. November just sucked all the way around last year.  Nico says he still calls his phone. At the time of filming it had only been three months since his brother died. It’s just heartbreaking.

There is a beach lunch on the first charter. What could possibly go wrong? For starters Kate, who hates beach meals, leaves Jen the third stew with no experience as the solo stew. Why not Brianna? At least she knows a thing or two.  Apparently, Jen has never opened a bottle of wine before. But, we won’t find out how badly she fails until next week.

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Filed Under: Below Deck, Entertainment News Tagged With: Baker Manning, Below Deck, Brianna Adekeye, Bruno Duarte, Captain Lee Rosbach, Chef Matt Burns, Chris Brown, Entertainment News, Jennifer Howell, Kate Chastain, Nico Scholly

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. belladonna says

    September 6, 2017 at 12:22 am

    Is so happy you are recapping the stud of the sea. Is ready for resting bitch face.

    Reply
  2. Erica says

    September 6, 2017 at 2:30 am

    I’m exhausted for Kate already. I didn’t pay that close of attention (I’ve had a rough two weeks – and I might be a teensy bit drunk right now) and didn’t even see the “gotta room with guys because of bathroom time” shit.

    But I assumed that Kate needed the slightly more experienced person for something else, and fuckballs, they are being paid to do shit like act as a beach waitress. How hard can it be? Who would even guess she couldn’t open a wine bottle.

    Reply
    • Sliceo'pie says

      September 6, 2017 at 11:27 am

      I hear you re’ Kate. Obviously they’ve hired a bunch of nincompoops to force some drama.

      Btw- Hope your month gets better!

      Reply
      • Erica says

        September 7, 2017 at 4:05 am

        Thanks, Slice!

        Nincompoop – that made me laugh. Caught snippets of a rerun tonight after getting home late. Who the fuck doesn’t know what ladies first means? Is she HIGH?

        Reply
  3. Sherri says

    September 6, 2017 at 4:31 am

    Captain Lee is a vile POS. I have never seen a person more nasty to people for no reason. He is miserable in his life and should quit the show.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      September 6, 2017 at 1:56 pm

      Captain Lee is one of the nicest people mixed up in this reality crap. He is far from miserable. You should check out his social media which brims with gratitude for the life and experiences he has includes multiple contributions of both time and money to charities.

      You on the other hand seem miserable. This is the third man you have called vile on your four am rants. And the last one on this site.

      Reply
      • KatCall says

        September 6, 2017 at 2:46 pm

        I soooooooooooooooo loves me some Tamara Tattles. Applause, applause!

        Reply
      • Jim says

        September 6, 2017 at 3:28 pm

        WAHAHAHA!

        Reply
      • Calipatti says

        September 6, 2017 at 3:59 pm

        I love that Captain Lee is back with Kate, fun times ahead with these two.
        The only reason I will watch this season.
        Nope you are not alone, It took me awhile but I like Rocky. A lot of stews have come and gone yet most of us remember Rocky, I miss her smile/laugh.

        Reply
      • Caryll says

        September 6, 2017 at 6:08 pm

        J’adore Captain Lee!

        Reply
      • Blondiemelinda says

        September 6, 2017 at 8:43 pm

        Bloop!

        Reply
      • BrowardMelanie says

        September 6, 2017 at 8:45 pm

        Longtime reader, first time posting. Love your site Tamara! I live right outside of Ft Lauderdale and have met Captain Lee several times at charity functions, he is a very sweet man and has a heart of gold! #dontmesswiththestudofthesea
        Please say prayers for us in FL please.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          September 6, 2017 at 9:23 pm

          Captain Lee has always been nice to me. He’s the best. I am not a Kate fan though. Perhaps I am just jealous of their friendship? 🙂 I hope that you will consider evacuating. Atlanta hotels are nearing full capacity. I think it would be smart for you to head north tomorrow.

          Reply
          • BrowardMelanie says

            September 6, 2017 at 9:41 pm

            My family lives about an hour north west of me and I will be heading there. It’s not as far north as I would like to be, but I will be with my loved ones.

            Reply
    • Brenda says

      September 6, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      I completely agree!!

      Reply
    • Jennifer says

      September 7, 2017 at 2:24 am

      Uh he’s one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever seen on a reality show. I love him for not putting up with this crap and taking his job seriously. I don’t know which captain Lee you are talking about but it’s not the one from the below deck show on bravo.

      Reply
    • BT Walker says

      September 10, 2017 at 6:29 pm

      If Captain Lee ever called an employee a “fucking idiot” in real life (i.e. a real job not a show job), like he does on the show, he would be slapped with a lawsuit. Nowhere else but reality t.v. would ever tolerate that. I find him to be slightly repulsive in his attitude towards his employees (except Kate who he is secretly in love with – poor Mrs. Lee).

      Reply
  4. Lyri says

    September 6, 2017 at 7:06 am

    I love Rocky, too. I’m glad I’m not the only one. This crew scares me. This level of inexperience just seems dangerous. I’m sure Captain Lee’s clinching is real.

    Reply
    • JB says

      September 6, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      Did anyone see that Rocky lost her sister in January in a car accident? I haven’t seen it mentioned on Bravo.

      Reply
  5. Radchick says

    September 6, 2017 at 8:05 am

    I liked Rocky too. Could production not find any real yachtie stews or deckhands who wanted to be on a TV show? Is being on the shows a kiss of death for the professional yachties? Or is production up to their evil ways throwing in green crew to see what fresh hell it brings? Just wondering!

    Reply
    • Jim says

      September 6, 2017 at 3:34 pm

      Captain Lee explained the lack of experienced crew at the beginning of the episode. He claimed that there was a lot of competition from new yacht owners to attract experienced yachties.

      That may be true but I tend to think that this is just manipulative plotting by the producers. More likely, real yachties don’t want their reputations besmirched by appearing on the show.

      Reply
      • Jim says

        September 6, 2017 at 3:38 pm

        Oh sorry Radchick! I guess I didn’t read your entire post before commenting. I essentially just repeated exactly what you wrote.

        Reply
    • Jennifer says

      September 7, 2017 at 2:28 am

      I think bravo would rather have “attractive people” that will hook up with each other after some drinks than people with actual yacht experience. They asked that Lauren chick to ed on the show just for drama with Bobby.

      Reply
  6. Brenda says

    September 6, 2017 at 8:53 am

    I love Rocky as well. I won’t be watching this season. Just can’t stomach “The Non Stud of the Sea.” (in my opinion) Nor can I stomach Kate. Adding them to the list of Bravo shows I can’t handle.

    Reply
  7. FranklySpeaking says

    September 6, 2017 at 9:09 am

    I don’t care how boring this show is, I’ll watch specifically because I am hella in love with the chef… this meat and potatoes girl was smitten the second he started talking.., so I’ll be watching to see if I continue to be attracted or if he blows it for me…

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      September 6, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      I prefer the completely inept Portuguese kid for some reason. But that might change.

      Reply
    • Jim says

      September 6, 2017 at 3:40 pm

      The chef rings my bell too. BOING!

      Reply
  8. Peachy Keen says

    September 6, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    Have a feeling midway through the season, Captain Lee will be dispensing more than one plane ticket home. We will see. With that said, I am hooked on Captain Lee and this version of Below Deck.

    Reply
  9. tobaccorhoda says

    September 6, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    Which one of the girls is Thomas Ravenel’s cousin? Their fraternal grandmother is married to Thomas’ father, but I forget her name. She’s from SC though, so her accent should be easily identifiable. (I haven’t watched yet)

    BTW, from my vast and storied knowledge of all things nautical, the small boat that tends a larger vessel is called a “tender”.

    Reply
    • Mel says

      September 6, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      Baker, the female deckhand

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        September 6, 2017 at 6:37 pm

        Her grandmother is married to Arthur.

        Reply
    • JB says

      September 6, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      What is a fraternal grandmother and how would being married to Thomas’ father make this girl his cousin?

      Reply
      • tobaccorhoda says

        September 7, 2017 at 2:19 am

        A fraternal grandmother is your father’s mother. And Ravenel and this girl call each other cousin rather than unravel the intricate relationship. It’s simpler.

        Reply
        • JB says

          September 7, 2017 at 1:15 pm

          Your father’s mother is a paternal grandmother. Pater means father and frater means brother.

          Reply
    • Angeline says

      September 6, 2017 at 6:07 pm

      I don’t know about any of those other descriptors, but Baker is from SC.

      Reply
    • conveidt says

      September 6, 2017 at 11:36 pm

      Thomas’ father, Arthur Jr. is married to his second wife, the former Jean Rickenbaker. Thomas’ mother was Louise Rodgers, Arthur Jr.’s first wife so Thomas is only related to a granddaughter of Jean Rickenbaker by marriage.

      Reply
      • conveidt says

        September 6, 2017 at 11:41 pm

        I forgot to add that Arthur Jr. and Jean Rickenbaker have no biological children together. She has 4 from her previous marriage and Arthur has 6 from his previous marriage.

        Reply
  10. KAM511 says

    September 12, 2017 at 4:39 am

    At one point I turned to my husband and said “He knows everyon hates Chris Brown right???” Ugh. That guy is the biggest douche! This season looks like it’ll be a disaster and I can’t wait!

    Reply

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