1) She is dying of two terminal diseases. She has been sick since she was 8 (or 15). One is Raven’s Disease, which is so rare only she and a family in Sweden have it. She is also dying of gastroparesis. Whichever one gets her first, I guess.
2) She, her brother and her mother need a new pacemaker every year. (Can’t they just replace the battery?)
3) She can’t have children because her uterus is too small and one of her ovaries is fucked. She needs a hysterectomy, in fact her doctor was insisting she have one before she entered the BB house. She wants $25,000 so she can freeze her eggs. (We need, nay must freeze her eggs, STAT! We can’t let this stellar bloodline of disease ridden, scamming, grifting hillbillies die out!)
4) She needs knee surgery.
5) She has arthritis.
6) She has endometriosis, which she says is a rash all over her organs. (I hate when my internal organs get all itchy! Next month is Endometriosis Organ Rash Awareness Month, please buy my plastic bracelets to help pay for my new car, I mean find a cure.)
7) She had to get four, I mean five stitches when she fell down the BB stairs. She was checked for a concussion, and hurt her elbow, butt, and head.
8) She has one, I mean two years to live.
9) Her mother’s gastro was activated when she gave birth to Raven, but her brother’s hasn’t been activivated yet he has it, and will need a new pacemaker every year. (I know, it’s confusing.)
10) She has a mutated chromosome 10. She also has the gene that will pass the disease on to her kids, but her brother doesn’t.
11) She had to get 11 stitches when a pair of scissors got stuck in her leg when she was taking out some trash. Her friend who is an RN stitched her up at her house.
12) She has had 8 surgeries.
13) She has died twice on the operating table.
14) When her pacemaker stops working she will starve to death.
15) She has had a concussion.
16) Every nerve in her body will die, and her organs will die.
17) Her leg muscles deteriorate every year, she can tell a difference in them just from last year. She hurts worse every day.
18) An iphone will turn off her pacemaker if placed on her stomach.
19) She (her pacemaker) will explode if she goes under 10 feet of water.
20) She was being scouted for the Olympics, but unfortunately around that time she shattered her growth plates.
21) She can’t eat steak or she will die. Well, she won’t die but she will scream for hours. But hamburger is okay. She can’t eat chicken. (Yet she does.) She doesn’t like milk. (Yet she drinks it all the time and eats ice cream like there is a famine.) She can’t eat hot dogs.
22) She has an inverted spine.
23) She cut her finger when frying pans were flying all around.
24) She says she broke her hand and walked around with it encased in a ziplock baggie for several hours, but then it was suddenly fine.
25) Her mother says her parents have sold their cars and boats and mortgaged everything they own to pay for their surgeries, but Raven and her brother are driving brand new cars. (Sucks for their grandparents who are traveling by Greyhound now!)
26) Tragic burn to her chest while cooking.
27) Coffee table knee injury, while nursing a hand injury. Yet managing to hold on to her feed bag.
28) Chipped tooth. Yet pushing through it by scarfing overcooked hard cookies.
29) Open, gaping holes left in her stomach after her surgery, in which she could see inside her stomach. There was blood and pus oozing out. After her scissor mishap, she could see the meat in her leg. (Girl is always having portals to her insides and organs. Maybe that’s how she discoverd her endometriosis organ rash.)
30) She is suffering through horrible cramps and pain from her period, hers is the worst because of her disease. (Yet even while enduring agonizing pain, she manages to make sure she has enough shoulder showing. Because she is a warrior. )
31) Her brother will pass away quicker from the disease, because it hits men harder than women, doctors don’t know why.
32) Her grandparents carry the gene. (If they get ill and need to go to the doctor they’ll need to call Raven for a ride, since they sold all their assets for her surgery.)
33) Her hair is going to fall out. (I bet Matt’s dick is hard now!)
34) Mama Munch’s kidneys are not where they are supposed to be. (Where the fuck are they? Are they inverted?)
THIS MAKES ME MISS DANIELLE MURPHREE’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY!
35) Her body doesn’t produce enough progesterone, and her nerves from her other disease are infecting it, so w/o the really expensive cream she uses she literally will be in the hospital every time she has her period, screaming.
36) They keep her for hours at airports, she was crying because they thought she was a terrorist, no lie.
37) She had chicken quesadillas at Outback Steakhouse and spent two days in the hospital with food poisoning. (Mama must have been a little heavy handed with the Ipecac syrup that day. Allegedly.)
38) She was awake during a surgery because the epidural was in backwards. (This one really cracks me up. How did they put it in backwards, was the doctor standing on his head? Epidurals aren’t meant to put you sleep. If she was supposed to be asleep, why didn’t she just say “Hey doctor, I’m awake!”)
39) Random head injury.
40) She almost didn’t come on the show because her mother was at the end of her life, she was so sick and facing multiple surgeries. (Her mother is all over the Internet threatening people who point out any discrepancies in Raven’s stories)
41) She stopped growing at age 13. Her disease stunted her growth. (Nothing at all to do with having short parents!)
42) There is only one doctor who specializes in Raven’s Disease and he is about to retire, other doctors say it’s all in her head.
43) She was told she could no longer dance but she ignored doctors and went ahead and danced. (She still can’t dance. Heh.)
44) The FDA (although she said earlier that the device wasn’t FDA approved) had a bad batch of pacemakers and hers shorted out.
45) She signed her life away to live. Her doctor can do whatever he wants to her, he can cut her open for shits and giggles.
46) When she was 8 a serial killer knocked on her door, but she didn’t answer it. (Shucks.) The previous night a neighbor claimed to have seen a masked man peeping through her bedroom window, but neglected to call the police (probably thought it was one of her brothers), and didn’t tell Mama Munch about it for several days.
47) She has thyroid problems. (What kind of problems, underactive, overactive? Inverted? The world wants to know!)
48) She was dropped during a ballroom dance and hit her chin, which resulted in a concussion (I believe this concussion is referring to #15, but I will add it again just in case), a brain bleed, and seven stitches. And another scar. (We need an entirely different list for all of her scars!)
49) She has now self-diagnosed salmonella in her finger.
50) She tells Paul her wrists are fucked. Paul says, “Welcome to my world.” One-upper completely ignores him, saying, “This knee needs surgery, so…”
51)Her bones are disintegrating as well as her cartilage. She needs surgery on everything.
52) One of her ovaries is smaller than the other.
53) She has Rough Kneecap Syndrome. She has to get them surgically shaved down. (I’m really trying to be professional in the name of historical science list-making, but this shit is side-splitting! Oh no, Raven’s sides have probably already been split, they are probably donor sides.)
54) Christmas mentioned her problem going up and down the stairs and suddenly one-upper gets anxiety when she is on the stairs. (Although she courageously faces her fears multiple times a day, dashing up the stairs to plow through everyone’s HOH basket, shower, dance, make out with Matt, etc.)
55) She already gets mammograms because her mom had a cancer cell removed from her breast.
56) Raven (the virgin) lived with a guy who also has a rare disease and could have died any moment. (They sound like a blast at a party! Calling Hollywood, I spit on the tragic love story, ‘The Fault in our Stars’. How about ‘The Fault in our Scars’?)
57) Raven’s Mama almost graduated law school.
58) Raven’s Mama Munch the college record in the entire state of Arkansas for the mile at 5:50.
59) She played softball, but when asked what position she mysteriously said, “I was on the team, let’s just say that.”
60) If she touches an electronic rat trap her pacemaker will go zap and turn off.
61) If she goes through a metal detector her pacemaker will turn off.
62) Her mom has been struck by lightning.
63) Her doctor in Sweden diagnosed Raven’s “Raven Disease”, although they have only communicated through email. (When you receive and accept confirmation of a terminal disease by an email doctor in let’s say, Kyrgzstan, you may be gullible. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to a rich Nigerian prince in need of my assistance.)
64) Raven and her mom are in Mensa. When Paul asked what her GPA was she said “dance”.
65) In three years her hair will be completely white. (I thought it was going to fall out?!)
66) She has lost weight in the house. She’s wasting away!
67) She had to turn down Cody’s aggressive advances, but he told her it was for the best anyway because she couldn’t have children. She has also had other guys tell her they didn’t want to be with her because she couldn’t bear their children from her prodigious bloodline! So then Cody had to satisfy his lustful urges by just staring at her breasts and making her uncomfortable.
68) She has broken every single bone in her foot during gymnastics.
69) She has trained for the olympics. (Translation: taken a couple of tumbling classes.)
70) When the Big Brother doctor saw Raven’s cut foot, he didn’t even know how he was going to stitch it up! (Of course! Her cut foot was so unique and special, it will henceforth be referred to as “Raven’s Foot” in future medical journals.)
71) In the house she burned her neck with a curling iron (Daddy Tanktop said, “This is a joke now, right?”).
72) Also in the house she has shut her arm in the aquarium, coughed many times, broken her wrist (but not really), hit her knee on a coffee table, got a scar on her chest from cooking, cut her toe, hit her chin, got a scar on her face, hurt her wrist again, in fact all she has won are scars! (The only thing she hasn’t had is sickness from gastroparesis…)
73) Some people with gastroparesis can cure it with the right diet, but hers is so severe, the “highest”, and hasn’t been named yet. (May I be so bold as to suggest a name, Raven’s Gastroparesis?)
74) She has vertigo.
75) If she didn’t have a pacemaker, food would just rot in her stomach until she threw it up. She can go a week eating spaghetti, then wake up and suddenly hate spaghetti! (Oh no, I think I have Raven’s Disease too! I also tire of eating the same food after a week! Hello, Sweden?)
76) If she won $25,000 she said she would pay off her car. Matt had to remind her that replacing her pacemaker is more important.
77) She made a will at 14. (I leave you my mix tapes, hair extensions, clown makeup (Faces of Death Palette), and my coffee cup that says Queen of Awesomeness. It will probably wind up in probate court with the family fighting tooth and nail.)
78) Whenever she cleans her ear with a q-tip, she coughs. There is a name for it and (please prepare to retire to your fainting couch!) it is very rare.
79)When she hit her head and got a concussion, she was temporarily blinded in her right eye.
80) Her veins are soooo tiny, (HOW TINY ARE THEY?!) they are so teeny tiiny that nurses leave her IVs in until they blow the vein. She has scars from the infections in all the blown veins. One time the nurses couldn’t find a single teensy tiny vein, so they had to take her to an ER doctor to get an IV in her.
81) If she does have children she will have to watch them die at a young age.
82) She has seizures. One recently was brought on by Matt’s tickles.
83) She has had her colon removed.
84) Her mama has also had her colon removed.
85) She’s a model. When asked the name of her agency, she replied, “Agency.”
86) Side-eye disease. (This came up when others said she is always giving them the side eye. She cain’t halp it, it’s a disease!)
87) Her “hair follicles” don’t grow because of her Raven’s disease.
Updates will start here in bold. Updating as new items arise.
88) Raven has lost the over the top southern accent since Matt left the house.
89) Raven just told Christmas that her mom has epilepsy.
90) One of her relatives died on the Titantic.
91) Raven was born vomiting which is a sign of gastroparesis. (ROFLMAO)
92) Raven has no cartilage in her knees.
93) She was brought home from the hospital in cabbage path clothes.
94) She has hyperthyroidism but she can’t take medication for it or it will kill her.
95) Perhaps that is because of her incurable autoimmune connective tissue disease.
96) She and her grandpappy work every day to make sure her mom gets the medicine she needs. (putting up Go Fund Me requests is really hard work.)
97) Her grandpappy is in his 80s and works as a jet mechanic. (Should she know how old grandpappy is if they work together every day? Still working as a jet mechanic at 85. Sounds totally reasonable to me.)
98) Raven wants to move her mom to Cali to get her medical marijuana. (Oh we saw that coming after Paul kept talking about pot. ) Raven talked about smoking pot a lot when Paul was giving the captive audience a lecture on the varietals of pot and how to mail pot through the USPS undectected.
99) Raven’s Mama was getting “full knee surgery”while she’s in the Big Brother house. (She must have Rough Knee Syndrome too.)
100) When Raven was born, (Vomiting, see also #91) she was in ICU for 7 days, weighed four pounds when she came home from the hospital. Wouldn’t Cabbage Patch Doll clothes (#93) be way too big?
101) Raven says she had to be catheterized for her kidney problems as a young child.
102) She said she had a seven inch needle shoved up her rectum. It’s unclear if that was part of the kidney problem treatment of it that was the treatment for another malady.
103) Her mother sold everything she had for Raven to be on Big Brother. How much does it cost to be on Big Brother? Is she talking about the white face makeup she wears to look sick?
(104) Raven got anthrax in the mail when she was little It was wrapped up in a letter she inhaled it all. A Doctor saved her in 5 minutes.
(105) From age six to eight, or maybe nine she was always going back and for the to doctor to get catheters for her kidney problems.
(106) When she was “like thirteen or fourteen” she had a full colectomy and that surgery was covered by CNN.
(107) Her Mama’s pet hedgehog had to have his leg amputated. Even their pets are dying! Can’t stop laughing.
(108) Raven told Xmas she got the money to open her dance studio because her dad was killed in a drunk driving accident and she got $6,000 in insurance money that was put in a trust. She had to petition the court to get it early because she was only 16.
(109) Raven just announced she has fibroid cysts in her breasts. She said if she needs a breast reduction or if she has the BRAC gene it will it very hard to remove her breasts. I was expecting to hear her mama has it too, but she changed things up and said she got them from her Grandma.
110) Raven’s brother used to take a sugar glider to school with him in his pocket.
111) Raven has taught her dog 24 tricks. When Paul asks her to name all the tricks, she could only come up with sit, shake and roll over. She also talked about a ton of other random animals she has, like possums. I presume the possums name is dinner.
112) Raven, who could die at any minute from any number of rare diseases, can run a mile in six minutes and twenty seconds. She came in 7th in a local marathon. I bet her mama came in first (number 58). Christmas is literally calling her out on her bullshit today.
113) Raven says her family has been keeping a death book since the 1800s. They take pictures of their family members after they die. Raven had an aunt who didn’t want taken of her when she died and told people if they did she would make sure the photos would not come out. When she died, several photos were taken but her face was blurred out out with some sort of white blur over her face.
114) Raven has told two versions of her mother having breast cancer. First she said her mom felt a pea in her boob and they removed precancerous tissue. She did not have cancer. She seems to have forgotten that story because now she had breast cancer two years ago. Coincidentally, the same time that Christmas’s mother did.
115) Lies about her education are getting bigger. I believe the real story is that she was home schooled. That is why she answered “dance” when Paul asked about her GPA after she told him she was in Mensa. Then she said she took dance for two summer at Belhaven University @BelhavenU In Mississippi. However someone on Twitter got a response from the University saying that Raven has never been a student there, Our records do not indicate that Ms. Walton attended or graduated from Belhaven University.
116) There are numerous people who claim raven’s mama was involved with multiple frauds including disability scams, fundraising scams, begging for help and getting a job at a non-profit organization, where her mama treated the people helping them like shit and made many racist and homophobic remarks.
Let’s all hope we get this scene soon.
117) When we finally go the Raven exit interview with Julie, Julie looked her dead in the face and said it didn’t seem like she was playing the game. Raven insisted she played a great game by throwing comps for Paul. Then in jury she told the other jurors that she and Paul were “the puppet masters…well maybe not Paul” but she certainly knew everything that was going on and she knew he had alliances with the other couples but she and Matt were Paul’s one true alliance. Jason asks why they are both in the jury house then. Priceless.
I’m starting to think the object in Raven’s abdomen is a toy cellphone she accidentally swallowed when wolfing down a happy meal.
P.S. When Mell from Big Brother Junkies stole Snoods story, they forgot to take out a few bits of her color commentary OOOOOPS! Tacky. Always ask permission from an the person who spent all the time putting the evidence together and provide a link or bad things will happen. Very bad things…
OTOH, Raven is mentally ill and CBS needs to do a better job. She just danced her second or third choice off to the bedroom to suck cock while we all watched.