By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Time for #RHOD! But, before I start, I want to be sure to mention that my thoughts and prayers go out to all the people in Texas who are impacted by Hurricane Harvey and the terrible flooding right now.
Whoever is writing the titles for these episodes is killing it this season with the puns!
It’s Halloween in Dallas tonight. It’s Stephanie’s favorite occasion and she’s throwing a party. In honor of this event, she is creating a signature cocktail, which has given her an excuse to day-drink. She’s super-defensive about this, which makes me think she actually does day-drink regularly. Stephanie’s party planner arrives and they throw around ideas. The budget is going to be around $20K, which is Stephanie’s way of getting back at Travis for spending millions of dollars on the bidet house.
Kameron’s daughter Hilton has a pink mini Birkin to match her mom’s larger, more expensive one. They take their Birkins to a Mexican restaurant where the waitstaff only speak Spanish so Hilton can ”translate” for her parents. I’m annoyed by this scene already. Now Kameron wants to talk to her husband about investing in the pink dog food company. He shuts it right down. Good for him.
Mark is being a dick to Cary because she took an afternoon off from working with him at the plastic surgery center to hang out with her kid, make cookies and a nice dinner. He’s full of complaints and I want to bash the plate of meatballs over his head. Cary says Mark is struggling with her decision to spend more time at home. Their daughter is only three! They will never get these years back and seriously fuck this guy for thinking Cary should be assisting him on boob jobs while a nanny raises their kid.
LeeAnne and Brandi meet for lunch. They discuss the e-vite they just received for Stephanie’s Halloween party. LeeAnne acts shocked that she was invited when Stephanie was just texting bad things about her. She says Stephanie is being two-faced. I’m so over this text message storyline! Also, I feel like Stephanie only has one face and it hates LeeAnne. So does mine. Brandi is nervous because she will be meeting with Stephanie the next day. LeeAnne, obviously worried that if Stephanie and Brandi make up she will lose her sidekick, makes sure to subtly plants seed of doubt and sabotage. She says even if they decide to rebuild their relationship, she still has issues with Stephanie.
D’Andra’s 21-year old stepson is staying with them. He’s taking a break from college and looking for a job. She thinks this is a perfect opportunity for him to develop some life skills by helping her sell her cast-off designer dresses and handbags on ebay. Ha-ha. Then she acts shocked when he’s not really into this project.
Stephanie and Brandi meet. It’s all fake calm breathy voices in the beginning. Brandi finally gets to the point that the blog post where Stephanie said her marriage was like “watching a slow motion car crash” has been eating at her. Side note: I’m actually impressed that Stephanie came up with this creative imagery in her blog. Brandi is reduced to tears by the fact Stephanie called Cary her “ride or die” on Instagram and we are really back in high school. At least they are using normal voices now.
Turns out Stephanie also confirmed to a local reporter that Brandi’s kids got kicked out of their private school. Ugh, that’s shady. But, Stephanie kept trying to call Brandi to talk about everything and Brandi blocked her and refused to communicate. Now they are hugging and saying they love each other. Good. Brandi shares that she had a miscarriage during their breakup. This is really sad and now everybody’s crying. Including me. I know many people don’t think this fight was real, but I honestly do.
LeeAnne goes to her therapist and tells her that she’s going to Stephanie’s Halloween party dressed as “Two Face” and it’s a completely ridiculous scene. Of course, the therapist tells her this is an awful idea. Obviously, this makes LeeAnne want to do it more.
Cary and Mark are shooting some online videos about working together. It’s uncomfortable. They really seem to hate each other. Mark makes a dig that Cary really just wants to stay home and do yoga instead of working with him. She responds that she actually wants to see her daughter grow up. I take back the nice things I said last week and officially hate Mark again.
Now it’s time for the Halloween party. All the costumes are cute except crazy LeeAnne. She has to explain her “Two Face” costume over and over because nobody understands. It’s so idiotic. Finally, she finds the right drama queen to tell: Cary’s husband Mark. He probably runs straight to Travis because, as the host, he immediately threatens to kick LeeAnne out. Stephanie doesn’t want to make a scene. LeeAnne does.
So now it’s the LeeAnne show again. She explains again how Stephanie really hurt her feelings by trashing her “through Dallas” behind her back last season. Stephanie calmly replies that LeeAnne acted crazy and obviously it’s true (um, look at her). Bottom line: LeeAnne is butt-hurt that Brandi and Stephanie have made up and she’s acting out. It’s typical LeeAnne behavior and I’m be-yonddd over it.
I’m not the only one. The new ladies step aside and complain about how the other girls are consumed by drama. Uh, duh.
Next week, D’Andra’s fabulous mom threatens to fire her, Stephanie wants to cover up the living room pool in her new mansion and despicable meathead Travis pulls the “I make the money” card. Also, some random lady talks shit about Stephanie in front of Brandi. Oh, and Brandi invites the women to go home with her to Tennessee. Yippee yee-haw!