Tonight it is back to Orange County for another Saint Patrick’s Day! Let’s hope this one is not as dramatic as the one in Ireland. I hope Kelly doesn’t do the nose flicking game this time either.
Lydia, Tamra, Eddie, Doug and David are going to run a Spartan race. David seems to be training for it in preparation for running far, far away from Shannon. Shannon complains to her trainer that his training takes up too much of his time. Yes, Shannon. That is the point. He needs an excuse not to be around your menopausal meltdowns. Men do not know how to deal with them. Frankly, neither do we. Eddie looks like he has been ridden hard and put away wet. Has he lost a lot of weight or something?
Shannon meets Peggy for cake by the ocean. Or something. I do not understand why these two are meeting. Let’s watch. It’s about Vicki. Or maybe Tamra. Or maybe Tom. I am not really sure because suddenly we are talking about Peggy’s double mastectomy again. I think she had them to copy Angelina Jolie because she tells the story a bit differently each time. She told Shannon that she got tested for the Branca gene and she did not have it, but she did it anyway because her mom died of breast cancer. Do we REALLY need another cancer season? Do they not realize that we don’t want to think about all of this crap when we are watching mindless TV? Peggy is changing her story as she is telling it this time. Shannon is confused. Did she have cancer or not? Peggy is not a very good liar. Peggy says that Vicki is very compassionate about her probably not breast cancer.
So wait. They need to cast someone who will film with Vicki and be her friend so they cast Peggy with the questionable cancer story as her ride or die? WTF? Lydia the queen of prosperity religious beliefs is doing a much better job than Peggy.
Vicki’s segment began with her and Briana sitting by the pool while one of the boys is peeing in the pool that his swimming instructor is standing in. They both thought it was just fine.
I’m behind so I am going to zip through this segment with Meghan doing a modeling gig. The baby is four months old! I thought she would be more into the baby than this.
Diko and Peggy? NOE.
Vicki and Kelly get their auras read at a crystal shop. By a computer. I am not making this up. I suppose it is better than vaginal rejuvenation though. The machine tells Kelly she needs to work on communicating clearly from her heart. The machine tells Vicki she is happy and in a good place. I should point out here that Vicki is dressed up like a witch for some reason, replete with hat.
Shannon and Tamra go on a double date with their husbands. These four actually hang out a lot when it is not filming season so this won’t be as scripted. They order a giant seafood tower with dry ice. She fills Tamra in on Peggy’s unusual double mastectomy. Then she moves on to complain about David’s Spartan race obsession. In her talking head she cries and says that his training is his number one priority right now. Tamra says in her talking head that Shannon should not emasculate David in public. If even Tamra sees this, why doesn’t she tell Shannon to stop doing it?
Tamra and Peggy meet for lunch to try to clear the air between them. The problem is apparently Peggy’s constant efforts to shut down any negative conversations about Vicki like it’s her job. Because it is her job. That is what she was hired to do. And the other problem is Peggy’s resting bitch face. I think Peggy needs to stop speaking for all Armenians. I’m not Armenian and even I know she is full of misinformation.
Before they head off to the Spartan race, Doug and Lydia show their young boys a photo of someone jumping over fire to let them know what mommy is about to go do. Of course he is now convinced that they are headed off to die. Lydia is worried about the same thing. Sadly, no one died. But Tamra came close. Lydia did an amazing job.
It’s time to get to the Saint Patrick’s day event with Meghan, Shannon and Kelly. Shannon walks in the same green glitter shirt she wore in Ireland and belts out her annoying “Top of the Morning!” greeting. I’m already annoyed and just trying to make it through the last ten minutes of this crap. At the bar, they drink beer and shots of whiskey straight out of the bottle. It looks like we are going to rehash the last Saint Patrick’s Day. Why??? Shannon talks about David beating her on national TV again. She just loves to keep bringing it up. And now she is blaming Vicki for her weight gain again. Then comes the drunken apologies and the hugging it out between Shannon and Kelly.
Next week, it looks like more of the same hot mess express, only this time the ladies are cross-dressing. or something.