By CJ BOMB
Hello everyone and welcome to Project Runway Week 2! The lovely Leslie and I have been separated AGAIN by school events so we are arriving home to pour a glass or two of vino and communicate via text our opinions and views….which are always right. As I am leaving to come home, Leslie starts sending me previews and my poor husband says, “Oh shit, it’s Thursday.” I’m just warning you, I will probably swear a bit more than usual tonight. I still have PTSD from last season. Tonight it came back to haunt me.
Deyonte is happy he won, but it just means he has to push through and work harder. Batani realizes she has to show “me”. Considering how fabulous she always looks, I would say this is a good strategy. Just make it work for your MODEL sweetie. Hard hats and safety vests show up at the hotel. I have to confess. Les texted me about this before I got home to prepare. I typed back: FUCK….unconventional challenge???? As the contestants arrive at a recycling plant, I then text Leslie: MOTHERFUCKER. Again, sorry for the language, not ready quite yet for the unconventional challenge.
Tim and Anne Fulenwider (Editor in Chief Of Marie Claire) stroll in also wearing vests and hardhats. Tim still looks elegant. They tell the designers that not ONLY is this an unconventional challenge using recycled materials…..it is also a…TEAM CHALLENGE!!! The winner will be featured in MARIE CLAIRE!! I text Leslie: MOTHERFUCKING MOTHERFUCKER. I am sorry for those of you offended by this. I’m not proud. The theme is a high fashion look with a RECYCLE, REUSE, RESTYLE vibe. Now, much like the various size models I’m down with this. The textile industry is one of the worst polluters of the planet. There are so many wonderful fabrics being made with recycled materials. Les adores her Rothy shoes (check them out) and my kids have jackets made with fabric from plastic bottles. It’s just the team/unconventional combo that’s making me ampy. Or memories of Erin. Or the 3rd glass of wine.
Tim brings out the dreaded button bag and there is thankfully no schoolyard show of picking people to work with where someone is last. The first team is Kudzanai, Kentaro, Margarita, Michael and Deyonte. I immediately pick them for the win. The second team is Aaron (who has grown on me a LOT), Batani, Ayana, Brandon and our girl Kenya. Ayana is worried about the grouping. I think that these are such different designers and people that it will either work fabulously, or be a total disaster. Leslie did point out that Tim emphasized cohesion and wondered if that was foreshadowing for disaster. Speaking of disaster, there is team 3. Amy, Sentell, Samantha and Claire and Dawn, the two-headed enunciating beast. The other three look like they are screaming: MOTHERFUCKER!!! in their heads. I text Les that I pick this team to lose. Of course they have only one day to finish and five minutes to grab all the crap they can. Chaos ensues and Claire manages to cut herself. Samantha is sucking on an inhaler by then end.
Back at the workroom, Tim reminds them to be cohesive and that they will be switching up models. Everyone is sorting out materials and checking out who their model will be. Shawn is freaked out because she has never worked for a “larger girl.” Samantha calms her down by saying that she IS a larger girl and will happily give her feedback. Team 2 has decided to go with the theme of a woman who is an “upscale cheapskate” or as Aaron puts it: ballin’ on a budget. I actually love this. When I was a young lass in NYC, I had champagne tastes and a beer budget. I went to consignment stores, sample sales and thrift stores and at 46 STILL have some of my awesome finds and wear them to this day. Team one has decided that they are going with a modern Japanese theme influenced by structure and origami. When in doubt, Rei Kawakubo is always a good way to go. Team 3 has chosen the theme of water, flowiness (it’s a real word) and sea glass.
I send Les a text: WTF? Shawn is NOT happy. She wants drama and movement and feels like she just has to do what everyone else wants her to, including Claire. SHE IS BEING HELD BACK! How can someone sound pretentious about the designing of garbage bag dresses?
Over on Team 2, or BOAB (ballin’ on a budget) Ayana is worried about the sheerness of the fabrics not working with her modest design aesthetic. Kenya is full-blown freaking out. She is worried she is too outside her comfort zone. I don’t know why; she made an insane red carpet look in less than 24 hours. Kentaro has given Team 1 a name: Team Wabi-Sabi, which I looked up: a worldview centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. So, not to sound like a twin, but whimsical, if you will. He asks who picked Japan as an influence. Kudzanai is like, um you? Team three decides to call themselves team Tsunami. Because cruisewear and a huge tidal wave disaster are things that should go together.
Over at team “someone is going to go home, please make it a twin” Tsunami, Tim is having a hard time. Amy’s raincoat reminds him of something tourists wear on the top of double-decker buses when it pours, and while he loves Samantha’s braided garbage bag top he’s worried that all the looks with it are too different. Sentell’s garbage bag dress looks like a garbage bag. Shawn does a whole monologue about how she is overwhelmed and she has never designed for a “curvy woman” and says “INDEED” and everyone else looks annoyed. Her dress is in pieces. What there is of it, because she keeps changing it. Claire managed to become part of her mass hysteria and in the end everyone is just trying to help them, Tim is concerned.
Over at team Wabi-Sabi, Tim loves their ideas of a Japanese garden being taken over by Samurai (um, ok?) but worried about the C word. Cohesion. He tells them to tie it together. They vow to make it work.
Ballin’ on a Budget is a bit all over the place too. Batani is trying to make a dress and Tim is worried that the materials are controlling her vs the other way around. He is not sure about Ayana’s long dress and after Brandon shows him his jumpsuit idea, Tim says that these five looks look like they came out of five different closets. Kenya still looks like she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They realize they have the fabulous print Brandon created and that they should use it throughout. Tim leaves everyone in the room saying he’s worried, but has confidence. He also tells them he loves them. Because he does. Except maybe the twins.
Margarita points out that Sentell’s outfit still looks like an actual trash bag. He call his husband and cries at the stress of everything. Dude got married the day before the show!! Les calls him “sweet Sentell”. Amy looks at Samatha as they twins keep running around and freaking out like they are on a reality show where that HELPS and asks: we are in trouble, aren’t we? Shawn keeps saying that she was on the bottom and she is designing for a plus size model and this is different from what she normally does and WAAAAAAAAAH!!! Hey Shawn? You know who designed for a plus size model for the first time ever? Or an actual WOMAN ever? Brandon. And he did it again this week. And he rocked it. Without being a whiny bitch. So STFU. INDEED.
Heidi comes out wearing a tiger print jumpsuit that would rock in Palm Springs circa 1969. At least her boobs look better. She goes on to talk about how much she LOVES the unconventional challenge. Which explains a lot. Zac and Nina are there. The guest judges are actress Maggie Q and Anne Fulenwider. I’m cool with Maggie as she has had good stuff to say before on this show.
Margarita’s kimono-romper was cute, and Les and I agree very safe. Led thinks Kentaro’s dress is beautiful, but I have to say, I expected more. From Les: Deyonte who is safe from elimination killed it with a samurai weapon. Predicting a top choice already. Even though it is intricate, I keep thinking eighties Edward Scissorhands. I like cuts on Kudzanai’s jumpsuit MUCH more. I think Michael’s was ok, but again, wanted more. Les summed it up perfectly with this text: Overall, I think they relied too much on the lace effect of the can bottle holders and could have been a bit more creative with it. I expected so much from this team and it was merely ok. Thank you Les. Much better than me screaming MOTHERFUCKER! (again, I’m sorry)
BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET
Ok, I love the front of Batani’s dress. Thank God (or St. Tim) she scrapped her original design. Not as crazy about the back. Aaron’s shredded romper worked and Kenya’s dress, even though it’s not a silhouette I love, looked stunning on her model. Brandon’s outfit looked very cool even though there were crotch issues. Ayana did a gown that Les loved. I admired it, but I have issues with fringe. I’m seeing a therapist to work through them. Les wrote, “Best collection that was cohesive. Ballin on whatever”. I wrote back that I loved her.
Me: I hate 99% of it. The braided concept of Samantha’s top works. I’m ok with Amy’s paillette skirt. What is sad is how this might have been better had the other three not had to deal with the twins hysteria.
My top three: Kudzanai, Kenya, Brandon Les: Ayana and Batani (she doesn’t have a fringe issue) My bottom three: Shawn, Claire and Sentell Les: also Claire, Shawn and Sentell.
Ballin’ on a Budget for the WIN!! Aaron needs to copyright that shit NOW. They love Batani and Anne says it’s “fashion, not just a dress.” Nina is obsessed with Ayana’s dress. She loves the drama of the fringe and the details, like the bottle caps for buttons. Zac says she’s modest but ferocious. They ask each of the designers who they think should win. Batani says Ayana, Aaron says Brandon, because it was his print that tied everything together, Brandon says Aaron, perhaps as a thank you. Ayana says Kenya and Kenya says Ayana. I think we know which way the fringe is blowing.
Amy asks what the hell resort team Tsunami is representing. They love Samantha’s woven top and mention it should have been the theme throughout. They ask Sentell how long he worked on his outfit and are amazed when he explained how long it took him. Heidi thinks it looks like it took 10 minutes and Zac tries to channel Michael Kors by saying it looks like a leprechaun went dumpster diving. So close Zac, yet no Michael. And then…….
FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHAWN. (sorry) She starts yammering about how hard this was and how she has never designed for a “curvy” model at which point you hear Maggie Q whispering to Anne F., “That model’s not curvy.” And Anne F responding, “She’s smaller than I am.” I love them both at this moment. Then Shawn says it must have been FEAR that caused her issues and please someone, ANYONE, send me a gif of Nina’s reaction to that. They tell the judges they design for pop stars and celebrities. I hate them in this moment with the heat of a thousand suns. It’s now the twins vs everyone else. The question is asked who should go home and the other three basically say either one or both of these idiots. Shawn says herself because of time management, but stylistically Amy. Claire says Sentell.
Ayana wins. Sentell is auf’ed. I am numb. Sometimes an “on trend” gimmicky casting works. Ayana did well today (despite my personal fringe issue) and Sentell, while lovely, was not the strongest of the bunch and would have eventually gone home early. However, we are left with these gimmicky twin fuck-tards who belong on a different reality show where they can be as ridiculous as they want to be. If one of them makes it to the finale, NO, if one of them makes them to the top 5 I don’t know how I can ever take this show remotely seriously again. I’m going to pour another glass of wine and have Les talk me off a ledge via text. What do u guys think?