What happens when you take Vanderpump Rules’ biggest douche and drop him onto a farm in America’s heartland? Jax & Brittany Take Kentucky, of course. How will Jax survive so far away from his plastic surgeon and STD clinic? Does it even snow in Kentucky? And how will sweet little Brittany negotiate pleasing her man and her family at the same time? Will she continue to find Jax’s disgusting jokes charming when Grandma’s in earshot? Whether you’re watching out of boredom, because you lost or remote or just hate watching (like me), pull on your best pair of overalls and dig in to the premiere episode of Jax & Brittany Take Kentucky.
We start out at Sur because Lisa Vanderpump has lawyers bills to pay. Lisa isn’t convinced Jax can pull off two weeks in Kentucky. He’s good at stirring the shit, but shoveling it? Luckily, his Florida experience will come in handy when dealing with the chicken farm’s cocks. But her biggest concern is how he’s going to keep Brittany’s family from seeing the real Jax Taylor. Jax, being Jax, isn’t worried. His girlfriend’s parents always love him. Sigh.
Brittany’s orange lipstick wearing, homophobic mother picks them up at the airport. Sherri (or Tan Mom as I call her) loves Jax, even after watching all five seasons of Vanderpump Rules. That should tell you all you need to know about her. Brittany’s grandmother Mamaw greets them at the family farm. She’s going to be Jax’s taskmaster. Mamaw’s script calls for her to ask Jax to pray over their dinner, warn him they don’t allow alcohol on the farm and be the first to ask when he’s going to marry Brittany. Brittany’s family finds it the height of humor. Sigh. As soon as they’re alone, Jax tells Brittany the no alcohol rule isn’t going to fly with him. He should have brought some of Scheana’s tampon flasks with him.
The next morning Jax does farm chores with Mamaw. I guess it’s supposed to be funny watching Jax get scared by animals but, you know what? It’s not. Meanwhile Brittany and her mother cook breakfast and worry that Jax will never propose. I mean, in three years she’s going to be 30! Mamaw brings Jax home and they all laugh and laugh. Clearly I don’t find this show as funny as they do.
Then they head over to Brittany’s dad’s house. Jax is wearing ridiculous, clownish overalls and American flag boots while Brittany’s dad, Don, is dressed like a human being. Just saying. Jax’s next “funny” activity is cutting down a tree with a hatchet while Brit and her dad watch. I don’t know how much more of this hilarity I can take. Eventually, Brit’s dad gets sick of it too and pulls out the chainsaw. Timber! Over a dinner of frog legs, Brittany’s dad brings up marriage. Jax complains that it’s going to be a long two weeks if they bring up marriage at every meal. You’re telling me!
That night, they have a welcome home bonfire at Mamaw’s. Tan Mom reminds everyone there’s no drinking allowed so, surprise surprise, Jax, Brit and a gaggle of her friends immediately sneak away to spike their drinks. They set up camp and Jax easily falls into the role of bartender. The party is only busted up when Mamaw gets suspicious. By then, Jax is fairly liquored up so he lurches over to Tan Mom and Mamaw to show them a photo of the engagement ring he’s designing for Brittany. They’re overjoyed, especially Tan Mom. “Jax Taylor is going to be my son in law,” she coos in her best fame whore voice. Poor, poor Brittany.
Next week: The bonfire, and Brittany, get lit. Jax questions fatherhood. Mamaw confronts Jax and Brit about drinking at the bonfire. And Brittany’s dad questions Jax’s reliability. It’s sure to be a hoot.