By Guest Contributor Becky J.
I’m so excited to be back! I think I’m one of the few people in the world who was genuinely excited about RHOD getting a second season. I just find it SO entertaining! Anytime a show features something as majestic as a psycho carnie punching a trolley, I’m basically gonna be hooked for life.
Cary and Stephanie have gotten really close (everybody knows this is because Stephanie and Brandi aren’t talking right now, but we’ll get there). They are having a play date with their dogs at Cary’s house and Stephanie’s hyper dog is giving me anxiety. One of the new girls, Kameron Westcott, joins them. Kameron likes to wear pink and has a tiny yorkie named Louis Vuitton that rides in an actual Louis purse.
Cary is planning a party for her husband, Mark. Remember, the plastic surgeon with a borderline creepy fetish for women’s clothes? Yeah, him. Cary announces she is going to invite LeeAnne despite the fact she spent most of last season calling Cary a homewrecker. The women discuss a police report from 2008 that LeeAnne’s ex-friend Marie posted online. The report says LeeAnne pulled a knife on an ex-boyfriend and scratched him in the face with sandpaper. Sounds about right.
Surprise! Brandi and LeeAnne are friends. Barf. I hate it when new housewives abandon their actual meaningful friendships in favor of show alliances. Classic second season move. I don’t really know what happened between Brandi and Stephanie yet, but this combo makes my skin crawl. LeeAnne is in anger management. This is Bravo code for “we want you on the show because people love to hate you, but our legal team told us we can’t appear to condone your violence.” Just ask Porsha.
So now we get the scoop on the former BFFs Brandi and Stephanie. They have not spoken in four months. Brandi’s feelings got hurt because Stephanie publicly called her marriage “a slow motion car crash” which is exactly what we were all thinking, but yeah. Stephanie doesn’t actually seem to realize that this is why Brandi is mad at her. Brandi just stopped taking her calls. They are both crying while they talk about each other and this is not good.
We get to see Kameron’s kids, housekeeper, nanny, husband, 7,500 square foot mansion in Highland Park. She loves pink, is proud to live in a fantasy world and calls her husband a “hobbit.” She’s pretending to cook, but didn’t roll up her silk sleeves or take off her giant diamond ring. Mmmmkay.
Now we get to meet the other new housewife, D’Andra Simmons. She’s the rich pal LeeAnne was bragging about last season when she tried to shame Cary for only being invited to the reception, not the wedding—that was D’Andra’s wedding. It’s worth noting at this point that I’m always really careful about spelling the housewives names correctly, but FUCK LeeAnne and D’Andra for making me type all these miscellaneous capital letters, extra vowels and punctuation marks. Seriously.
LeeAnne likes D’Andra because she’s rich and ballsy. Not sure yet why D’Andra likes LeeAnne. D’Andra seems terrified of her mother. She’s also married to a hot photojournalist who is a retired Master Sergeant in the Air Force. He has kids from a previous relationship. D’Andra’s mom is absolutely terrifying and treats her like a child over breakfast, lecturing her about budgets and raising her voice. Maybe D’Andra is so “ballsy” around LeeAnne because she lets her mom treat her like absolute shit.
LeeAnne is going to therapy on camera to refute the police report from 2008 in front of the world. She says the boyfriend made the whole thing up. We all know, after watching her volatile behavior last season, that it probably happened. There is one outstanding line that the therapist says: “I find it’s best if you have some coping skills before you get to, I’m gonna kill you.” Wow, I wonder how long she went to school to figure that out.
Brandi and Stephanie’s husbands are still best friends even though the wives aren’t speaking. Both women seem really sad and hurt, but also say their marriages are better because they are focusing more on their husbands than smelling each other’s farts. It’s a weird situation. The not speaking, not the farts. LeAnne and Cary meet before Mark’s party to make sure they are cool. They are, but LeeAnne tries to recruit Cary to jump in the middle of the Brandi/Stephanie mess. Cary is like, hell no.
On the way to the party, Brandi and LeeAnne are riding in the same car, drinking out of plastic sippy cups. Brandi tells LeeAnne that Stephanie texted her out of the blue after Cary and LeeAnne’s walk. Stephanie’s text warned Brandi that Cary said LeeAnne was up to her old tricks again. Which she is. Leenne’s response is to say that she has a “real problem” with Stephanie. They pray in the car before entering the party. It’s completely ridiculous.
Stephanie tries to talk to Brandi. LeeAnne jumps in the middle of it, acting like an overprotective CRAZY person. Brandi leaves in tears, but LeeAnne can’t resist running back into the party to confront Cary about the “old tricks” text message. Cary denies ever saying anything. And so it begins…
Next week, more with Brandi and Stephanie. LeeAnne is wearing a hot dog costume for some reason. I can’t wait!