By Guest Contributor Becky J.
It’s finally reunion night for RHOP! And it’s a two-parter—I somehow had it wrong and thought it was just one episode (wishful thinking). Since the news of Karen and Ray Huger’s huge IRS lien broke this week, I’ve been extra excited for the reunion. It will be fun to sit back and watch Karen lie.
The theme is “high tea” which, from what I can tell, means everybody wears whatever they want with no attempt to coordinate. The room is eclectic chic, with lots of pink. Andy does his usual reunion open where he goes around the room greeting each woman. He calls Charrisse “Cha-Cha” and jokes about sex in the champagne room. Karen is brimming with fake smiles and bullshit about how much she loves Great Falls. Also her dress really doesn’t fit right up top and it’s making her cleavage look like a toddler’s ass is perched in the middle of her chest. Gizelle has a new man and Ashley says the restaurant is going well, but alludes to some big news about her and Michael.
Oh goody. The first package is about Karen and her house. She tries to turn it into a public service announcement about the “Grand Dame” title. Ashley brings it back to the house, asking her if she sold her house because the kitchen was outdated. Gizelle says she’s hurt that Karen seemed to be hiding the details of her move, especially since they’ve been friends forever. Karen starts spinning lies as fast as she can. She says she decided to move to Great Falls so that her aging parents could have the option of moving in with her since they wouldn’t want to live in Maryland. I guess Great Falls is in Virginia even though it’s only 10 minutes away from Potomac and that would be much more appealing to Karen’s dad, since he’s a farmer. It makes zero sense and we all know why. Because it’s BULLSHIT.
Andy asks Karen if she got a breast reduction. Obviously it’s because he has noticed her boobs look so weird. She has names for her boobs, Tiff and Fifi. Ridiculous. Regarding the rumors about her financial trouble, Karen says that of all the shit-talk and speculation about her situation, she’s most mad about Charrisse bashing her Ray and calling him “The Broke Bill Gates.” She tries to pretend “The Black Bill Gates” was something the ladies in “the hair salon” made up. What?
Andy brings up a Facebook question about how Charrisse slut-shamed Gizelle, calling her a “Monica” not a First Lady. Charrisse says it was a pun. Clearly she is the first lady on earth to have made it through her entire life not understanding the definition of pun. I’m DYING. The conversation devolves into Gizelle and Charrisse accusing each other of being slutty dirty tramps with millions of boyfriends while they were both married. Charrisse is still mad about Gizelle calling her out for having a fireman boyfriend on WWHL, (which she calls “Watch What’s Happenin’ Live” because she’s a fucking moron). This reminds me that we never found out who the man was with Charrisse in the very first scene of the first episode of the season. Hmm…We are introduced to Gizelle’s boyfriend, Sherman, who is in the wings. Charrisse is a hater, so she makes a point to say that she’s friends with his ex-wife. She’s poison.
Now we’re talking about Robyn and Juan. Andy asks for a six month update since filming and if they are more together now. She says they sleep together “occasionally” and are on the same page. They roll the footage of Juan saying he would leave her if it weren’t for the boys. She’s super uncomfortable and makes excuses for Juan. She says he just hates filming. Robyn is mad at everybody for talking about Juan having a girlfriend. Ashley reveals that she heard the rumor from a friend of a friend and really believes it. Robyn is looking pathetic, defending Juan and her relationship. After a well-timed viewer comment courtesy of Andy, Robyn yells that she’s FINE.
Andy tries to give Monique some air time but she’s pretty boring. They roll the clip of Gizelle that started the whole feud between them. Gizelle said, “You don’t have a home?” and Monique replied “I have four homes.” Gizelle has hated her ever since. Gizelle pretends she was being nice and had no problem with Monique—as if. Monique makes sure to call Robyn out for being two-faced with her and Gizelle. Good for her.
Andy asks how you outgrow a 9,000 square foot house and Monique defends herself. She also says she hasn’t spoken to her mother-in-law since they bought her a car a year ago. Can’t say I blame her on that one. She also reminds the women that she only raps upon request, then she raps. Karen is mad that Monique’s rhyme calls her out for living so far away, Robyn is mad because the last line is “Robyn’s still talkin’ about Juan.” It’s true! Monique gets a high five from me for reminding Gizelle that trick is a 5 letter word.
We end with Ashley defending her meddling in Robyn’s relationship. A viewer calls out Robyn and Gizelle for coming to Ashley’s restaurant to start shit. They act innocent, but when they break and aren’t officially rolling, Robyn gets all threatening. She says Ashley is lucky the cameras have been around or she would have beaten her ass several times. Yikes. I actually believe her. The misplaced aggression is A LOT. Andy asks the status of Ashley’s relationship and she gives a weird mixed up answer that makes me think maybe she and Michael have been separated. Next week, the husbands come out. The only one who has no role in the stupid drama is Chris. This should be fun!