By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Gary is mowing his new lawn with a tractor in preparation to host an Easter egg hunt for all the kids. I think this is a nice idea. They are apparently having some sort of big mid-week Easter celebration together since Amber doesn’t have Leah that weekend. Amber and Matt seem tense on the drive over. It looks like Big Lots exploded at Gary’s house. Amber pushes for more time with Leah and Gary shuts her down. They kids have an egg hunt in the yard. Matt acts like a dickhole.
Later, Gary reconsiders letting Amber have Leah more often. Meanwhile at Amber’s house, a new cheating scandal involving Matt breaks. I think this is the text message thing that I reported on a few weeks ago that ultimately results in Matt having to take a lie-detector. Seriously, how many red flags does Amber need?
Catelynn and Tyler are driving together in her car. She sits really far forward, hugging the wheel while she drives, like it looks uncomfortable. They are talking about moving to LA. Tyler recalls his teenage ambition (that is not the right word) to drop out of high school, buy an old farm in California and “live off the land.” Oh gawd. Farms are cheaper in the midwest, Tyler. They leave Nova (again) to travel to LA and look at ultra-modern townhomes that they can’t afford.
They are so ridiculous lately. What happened to starting an exclusively “Michigan-based” clothing line because you’re so into supporting your local economy and home-state fashion designers?
They fly back from LA and start looking to buy a historic farmhouse in Michigan. They drive by and decided to put in an offer without seeing the inside. I thought they just spent a year remodeling a new old house? I can’t with this avoidance behavior. I feel like all this house-hunting is designed to keep their minds off the fact they are miserable people who have run out of aspirations.
Maci needs to talk to Ryan. She’s is agonizing over it and dreading the confrontation. She’s worried about Ryan’s fiance Mackenzie leaving him because she thinks he will never stay sober without a mommy to take care of him. Unfortunately, probably right.
There’s a quick scene of Ryan’s parents, Jen and Larry, having lunch with Mackenzie and her mom. They’re all excited, talking about the wedding plans. If things are so bad with Ryan’s addiction, why are they all acting like everything is fine? Is he just off shooting up in the bathroom while they plan this wedding and nobody cares? This situation is confusing to me.
Maci is talking to a substance abuse counselor for tips about dealing with Ryan. She admits she is considering legal action to prevent Bentley from seeing Ryan, Jen and Larry until Ryan gets help. This seems rash when she hasn’t even had a conversation with any of them. What am I missing here? The counselor is helpful, explaining that Maci is not the right person to act as Ryan’s support system for recovery. She needs to be willing to hold him accountable and withdraw her support if necessary.
Mackenzie picks out her wedding dress. It’s really pretty. Later, she goes home to Ryan, who seems really spacy and his voice is scratchy. I feel like I’m being hyper-critical of him now that we know he’s on drugs.
Farrah is visiting her mom in her hoarder den Iowa. Debra’s weird fiance, David, is there. I wonder if he lives with her amongst all the knick-knacks now? The group is planning a family vacation to Key West. They share a prayer before dinner and Farrah even looks like an asshole while she’s praying. I guess she’s in good company cuz David’s prayer seems a little passive aggressive to me. Something about not having enough time together, so he’s thankful they get to see each other. Excuse me—FUCK ALL THESE PEOPLE. Okay, I’m back. Debra shows off her engagement ring and asks Farrah to be her maid of honor. She doesn’t actually accept, just repeats “This is a big deal.” several times.
They go Go Karting before the trip. David doesn’t participate in the race and that makes Farrah mad. She sits down with Debra and grills her about the wedding and whether David is going to be freeloading off her (meaning Farrah will have to pay his bills, too).
Later, they are all in Key West and Farrah rented a house. She is having a full-on anxiety attack about David. He didn’t help put away groceries, he didn’t go swimming, he doesn’t respond when she screams and yells at him (I wouldn’t either). He had the NERVE to take the top off the guacamole and then just put it back in the fridge without finding a piece of plastic wrap to seal it! Obviously, this is a criminal offense. He should be dragged out to the beach, shot and fed to the sharks. David gives up on life and just sits staring blankly a the TV.
Surprise, now Simon is coming to Key West. This fucking guy. He makes everything worse. He tells Farrah David hates her and gets her all worked up. He is a sociopath and she is completely out of touch with reality. It is clear at this point that Farrah will do everything she can to prevent David from marrying Debra. I suspect this David guy has problems, but why would he stick around for this? He needs to pack his bags and never come back.
Next week, is the season finale! How did that happen? Oh well, Teen Mom is one of those weird shows that seems to always be filming, so we can have a few months of Chelsea, Leah and Kailyn, then these girls will be back.