I am excited for tonight’s episode because the group is going to Saint Simon’s Island where Hannah’s daddy has a house. I lived on SSI for two years and have been looking at houses down there for a while. In my mind I am moving to either SSI or Charleston just as soon as I (insert a list of a million things here). But that Southern Charm episode was so good, it took me two hours just to pound out a messy version of events. So forgive me if I skim the surface of this one. I don’t have as much background knowledge about this crazy group that I do with the CHS crowd. Hell I can’t even tell them apart.
Catherine seems to have stolen Nelson’s narrator job right out from under them unless they are all testing for the part. I know Cameran gets a pretty penny for that job on Southern Charm.
OMG! OMG! It’s Georgia/Florida weekend. That is why they are going to stay at Hannah’s Dad’s house. I hope they have tickets and we get to see the game! Sorry. GO YOU HAIRY DAWGS! Not sorry. Louis is planning the party. Hannah seems to think that Louis is not going to go Full Lou and there will not be any drama. IT’S GEORGIA FLORIDA WEEKEND, Hannah! You know what that means. The world’s largest outdoor cocktail party! OMG ten frames later Nelson informs us of that. I don’t think he even went to Georgia. GO DAWGS! SIC EM WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF! Sorry. Not sorry. No matter how old you get you are always 21 (on paper) when it comes to this game. That said, I don’t remember who wins. Because, early onset dementia (alcohol related).
On the drive down, Ashley says her family has a beach house on Saint Simons in case things go bad. Spoiler! Things will go bad. In Catherine’s car on the ride down, we find out Ashley was drunk and disorderly in Savannah the night before.
Oh Hannah’s dad and his new wife are going to be at the house. Awkward. Hannah is close to her stepmom…in age only.
This is where I make another confession. I find my self saying “Who said that?” in my Porsha Williams voice often. So I am typing as fast as I can because I am already over an hour behind when some piece of shit says, “Cheers to Georgia losing today?” and I pause the tape and say rewind while saying, “Who said dat?” Louis is a piece of shit. Why are the doing shots out of airplane bottles? When I lived in South Carolina bars could only serve drinks from airplane bottles in bars. True story. Did someone rob a crate of Crown Royal from a Delta dock? If so, good for them. It’s the first decent drink these fools have had all season.
Hannah is mad at Louis, Hannah’s dad thinks Louis is an idiot. They don’t have tickets for the game that is literally two hours away. Or 12 on Georgia Florida day, but still. I wanted to go! This episode is starting to disappoint.
The girls talk about Ashley and her behavior which apparently includes punching out the window on some random person’s door. Sorry I got distracted. I’m simultaneously ushering people to the WLS to maintain your reading pleasure at TT. When Ashley shows up she has a bandaged hand.
How the hell does Hannah not know how to shotgun a beer. She even calls it chugging a beer. DEAR GOD WOMAN DID YOU GO TO GEORGIA OR NOT? And why is it that Hannah and Ashley are the only ones in red? I give a pass to the ones in black, but come on. Y’all are doing this all wrong!
Georgia lost 24-10. It was a shitty season anyway. Oh now I remember. I stop watching. At least we beat the fucking gamecocks.
(un)Happy wants to talk to Ashley about why she is always fighting with Hannah. Because is (un)Happy even on this show? We have reached the point where the girls have realized that filming with Ashley is the only way to get any camera time. Ashley may be a hot mess, but she is the Kathryn of Southern Charm Savannah. That said, if the winner of this fight is who has the best statement necklace? That coral necklace of (un)Happy’s takes the win! (un)Happy goes for some really low blows with Ashley, proving how unhappy she really is. She makes Ashley cry. It seems that the broken window incident was the result of one of her neighbors bullying Izzy, her son. She feels like despite marrying Dennis and trying to keep the family together, she still has to be both mom and dad when it comes to situations like this with Izzy. Now we’ve gone to a sad place.
Oh look! A pool! Time for Ashley to get nekkid. See, the problem is, it’s not really a pool, it’s a fountain. But that doesn’t stop the crazy. Everyone ends up getting thrown in. Even Nelson who “didn’t bring the appropriate apparel for the ‘pool’.” Nelson is straight by the way. I thought I would point that out since we are half way into the show and no one has mentioned it.
The boys walk to Rafters soaking wet. When I taught college in Brunswick and lived on SSI there were basically two bars. The one that was almost acceptable for me to go to which was kind of like a TGIF sort of place but not. And Rafters where the bad shit happened. Occasionally while at the grown up bar ( I was in my thirties) my students would show up in large groups and send me drinks. Even less occasionally, they would drag me to Rafters. I shall discontinue my stories at this point to say, he wasn’t one of MY students. This caused a lot of gossip. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Enough about my bad decisions at Rafters, let’s talk about the guys. They do card HARD at Rafters. Because, bad things. The first bad thing that happens is a very drunk Louis and a very drunk Hannah’s dad are bonding and Hannah’s daddy says (on national television!) that he was never in love with Hannah’s mother. He also tells Louis not to force it if his feelings are not there for Hannah. It’s better to just walk away. OMG. This is horrible. It’s bad enough to be on reality TV looking like a douche on your own. But having your DAD do it, is just fucking wrong. Wronger. The Wrongest.
Meanwhile back at the house the girls take care of a very drunk Ashley. This makes me happy. Even though she pukes on the couch.
The next morning, Louis, Catherine and Hannah wake up in the same bed trying to recall events of the prior evening. Then Daniel comes to get into bed next to Louis. How big is this bed? I need it! Daniel slept on the couch with Ashley making sure she didn’t die until she took off about 7 am for home.
Ashley and Nelson rode home together and she looks amazingly together.
Hannah tells Louis that her Dad said he had a great conversation with Louis. Apparently, he want Louis to tell her the situation. Louis says that the conversation was private between the two of them. He doesn’t want to be the one to tell her. Everyone leaves except Hannah and Louis.
Hannah and her dad have a talk on the porch. Hannah cries to her dad. She thinks the conversation was about how Louis needs to step up his role in their relationship and not expect her to pull all the weight. She cries. Hannah’s dad seems to be trying to sabotage her relationship with Louis.
Back in Savannah, Daniel has is own dramatic conversation with his father. His father did a year in prison for white collar crimes and Daniel was left to provide for the family and clean up the mess. Daniel doesn’t like living in Savannah because of his father’s reputation. He needs to go somewhere else. He wants to follow his own dreams.
Ashley goes to get a tattoo from her sister-in-law. Apparently her brother is just as out there as she is. This is all very Ashley. I judge people with tattoos. I do not like them. Then, I saw Ashley’s hand of Fatima tattoo, and my first thought was, I WANT THAT. Maybe… it is my birthday week…so..who know? It could happen!
But enough of my bad decisions. Ashley talks about her situation with Dennis. Ashley got a cartoon praying mantis. Perhaps I should not take my tattoo inspiration from her.
I do not believe anything about this relationship with Catherine and Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile.
Next week is the finale of this show too. I was just starting to like it. DAYUM. WWHL will have to happen in the morning. It’s already after midnight. I pray that if there is a season two they don’t have them both on the same damn night!