By Guest Contributor Becky J.
I’m late with this recap because there are so many better shows to watch. Can you believe there is only one episode of RHOP left this season? I CAN. To me, it feels like it’s been three years since season two started. But, I’m sticking with it until the bitter end (keyword bitter), so here we go.
This week, we pick up where we left off in Bermuda, with a sunset cruise that Charrisse planned after the two groups of women spent the day apart. The “elite” cruise seems to be just the Potomac women and every halfway decent male escort Charrisse could find on the island.
Robyn is awkward while pretending to be open-minded to finding a date, per her therapist’s assignment. Charrisse corners a guy, introduces herself as “Cha-Cha” (eye roll) and he immediately expresses interest in Robyn instead of her tired old ass. Cha-Cha calls Robyn over and the three engage in one of the most horrifying casual conversations ever. Robyn comments that it looks like the guy shaves his legs. He says go ahead and touch them, but instructs her specifically to use one finger, not two. Eeeeew! She bravely forges ahead and asks him politely about an apparent ankle injury. He replies that it is a “pretty crazy” sex injury involving a fan. Not sure what type of fan he’s talking about, but I’m going to guess he was doing some sort of creative masturbating with a ceiling fan based on the off-the-charts creep factor.
Monique and Gizelle make a big show of hugging and proving they are made up. Whatever. Some of the ladies are still pissed at Karen for taking Gizelle and Monique to sail with Team Japan without so much as a text message. I see both sides. Even though I don’t understand what the big deal about being a hostess on a group vacay is, it sucks that Charrisse was told she could “host” a day and then everybody took off without telling her. I definitely understand why Karen would want to take advantage of the opportunity to tour the America’s Cup boat, I guess but I think she should have communicated better with the women who weren’t invited. Charrisse confronts Karen and they have a trashy fight. Karen bashes the boat trip that she’s on and Charrisse calls Karen broke, saying she spent more on that boat trip than Karen’s net worth. Those male hookers are expensive! Gawd.
The next day, the women attend a cricket match. Once again, I’m disappointed in their lack of ability to simply Google unfamiliar places and situations. First, they didn’t understand horse races, then they didn’t know what ocean Bermuda was in, now they have no concept of cricket. Ashley thinks it might be croquet and Gizelle thought she was going to a polo match. They are so stupid it’s starting to physically hurt me to watch. They all wear white, drink beers and flirt with the guys, who try to explain the game. It looks hot as hell. A young polo player named Carl catches Gizelle’s eye because he looks exactly like her. She says she wants to “rub up” on him and dump Kevin. I honestly think he looks like he could be her son.
There is a Bermuda pajama party to celebrate Charrisse’s b-day and wrap up the trip. Karen and Cha-Cha meet up in advance and have a ridiculous conversation where they discuss making peace because the other women depend on them to be examples and leadership. WTF? I doubt it. The thing about being a grown-up is that you recognize that age really doesn’t equate wisdom. I wouldn’t want anything either of these ladies have. Ashley’s pajamas are mismatched workout clothes. Gizelle says no wonder Michael has “dried up pancake penis” which is gross and kinda funny, considering his clay penis from a couple weeks ago. Monique fronts/talks about how her rap career stalled out when she wouldn’t sleep with people to get ahead. She raps for the ladies and that begins an embarrassing rap around the world. They all sound stupid, but they’re not fighting and having fun.
Back at home, Robyn goes back to the therapist and reports that she has not gone on dates with other men because she still wants to be with Juan. It’s frustrating to watch and probably annoying for the therapist, too. Ashley attends a meeting with Michael and the Oz staff. Before the meeting, he pulls her aside and tell her he has basically removed her managerial responsibilities regarding the restaurant so she can go back to being a good little wife. She handles this news much more graciously than I would have, then makes a thinly veiled reference to fucking Michael on his desk. I wanted to pretend that didn’t happen, but I feel like everybody reading this should suffer with me.
Charrisse is preparing for her ridiculous champagne room unveiling party. It’s a big stupid event for her, complete with catering, white-glove servants and a caftan costume. Wait, are we at Pat’s house? The women act impressed. Charrisse found some of those giant scissors they use to do ribbon-cutting ceremonies and made a sign that said her name. I can’t. The champagne room is a small, pretty grey room with a full-wall fridge for champagne. I’m relieved when Monique starts joking around about the chairs being perfect for lap dances/sex because I was beginning to think all the women drank the Koolaid (champagne) and forgot what an actual champagne room was.
After the unveiling, Karen “casually” mentions that she just came from a meeting with her interior designer because she moved to Great Falls. The women go nuts. Robyn says it sounds backwards to be decorating a rental. Karen says she doesn’t care what she thinks. Not nice, but fair enough. Ashley tells her she can’t be the Grand Dame of Potomac anymore and maybe maybe Monique deserves the title. That sends Karen over the edge! She can’t take the indignity! She says she will hang onto her title until she’s good and ready to hand it over and calls Ashley an idiot. I can’t believe they are fighting about this.
No new episode next week, then the finale. See you there!
I felt bad for the OZ employees who will never look at Michael’s desk ever the same again.
And a random plug for Asa Caftan too, ugh…
I’m just happy that the Grande Sham Karen is being exposed for the broke trick she is.
I don’t mind Housewives including poor women, even though it’s not exactly aspirational or in keeping with the concept (Robyn pulls it off by being endearingly honest), but I find it irritating when they’re pretending to be rich but can’t even afford a weave to cover their ginormous head. Her hair cost $19.99 from the back of a magazine, her Benz is a decade old, and she had to sell her busted house to move to a busted rental miles away from Potomac – and she tells everyone her husband is “the black Bill Gates”. I gave myself a headache watching this week because I rolled my eyes so many times.
It’s especially infuriating that this show is still on when they’ve axed Ladies of London! At least the women on that show were honest, genuinely classy, and mostly wealthy.
After 5 minutes of hysterical laughter at your comment all I can do is Amen what you said! You are 100% on point 🙂
They’ve axed Ladies of London?? I thought it was just off air between seasons. (Though I wondered what would happen with Caroline Stanbury moving to Dubai.)
I don’t know if Bravo have said so officially, but Julie Montagu mentioned it to someone on Instagram who told her to cry less next season – she replied “Canceled, so no Season 4 anyway”.
I don’t know if it’s a ratings thing, or if it’s the fact that Caroline now lives in Dubai and Marissa moved to California (although I think both were willing to travel back to film).
Ah. Thanks for the info, though I’m sad to hear.
That makes me sad too! It was one of my favorites
This show has a lot of potential and is a great addition to the franchise, Monique, Karen, Robyn, Ashley, and queen Gizelle make show worth watching. Charrisee is painfully boring ?
Lovher,
I agree. It gives us an opportunity to see ladies interact with each in a manner that is more like adults and less like people without any manners. It’s refreshing to me. They can argue but they also know how to apologize and move forward.
I definitely agree.
Thank you Becky J!! I feel very much like you regarding this show. I really appreciate you recapping it.
Lmnfaoo loved all the shade !
I like this show. The drama is on the lighter end, but I find that refreshing. The show is doing better in the ratings than NY is.
Thank you for the recap!
For me this episode was really rushed – from one group meeting to another. Like bravo ordered 17 episodes and then decided they want 13. I’m just sitting now and trying to remember what happened this season… and nothing comes to mind. And they make a 2-part reunion from THAT?
If this show makes so good ratings, and this is its second season, why so short?
Thanks for the great recap, Becky J! I’m sad their season is almost over. They are all bat-shit crazy.
I wish Karen’s hairdreser would switch to wigs instead of weaves. She has no edges left and when her hair was blowing on the boat, you could really see it.
Charisse goes over the top with all her events and I love it. The champagne room is very classy and beautiful!
I wish Robyn and Juan would just remarry and move forward. Robyn has no game when talking to men so if they don’t get back together, she’s going to be alone. It seems her self esteem really took a hit with his cheating, which is understandable.
I’m glad Ashley is going back to being a wife and get her groove back with Michael. You could tell she was sad over the situation. I can tell she and Michael really love each other. Good for them! Did anyone else think it was strange that Michael went to the beach without Ashley a couple episodes ago? Suspect…
Thanks Becky J!! Are you on instagram? I really enjoy Potomac. I mean it doesn’t have the crazy dramatic moments like ATL or Bev Hills but it’s a great summer series. Hurrah for Ashley and Michael working it out. MVP of the season is definitely Monique. She wasn’t afraid to be herself and speak her mind. Giselle was a little more spicy this season. I love Robin but I’m over people using divorce/breakups as a storyline. Especially if they aren’t getting their groove back. Charisse is on the way to a Ramona dating every older guy on Tinder moment. Karen….meh.
Karen needs to trash that curly wig. Reminded me of Bette Davis Baby Jane dress up scene. UGH!
Karen is pathetic. She is so pompous that it invites remarks like Ashley’s. For someone who supposedly has money and actually brings a hairdresser with her, her hair is the absolute worst. Get a wig!
What’s up with the bride of Frankenstein up do? Only things missing are the white thunderbolt temple highlights.