By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Cate and Tyler are researching daycare/preschools for Nova in preparation for Catelynn’s trip to New York to do press for the show. They take Nova to visit their top choice facility and it’s super cute. Nova seems to like it, too. The lady seems very knowledgeable, throwing around preschool buzzwords like cognitive development, problem solving and language skills. Then she blows it when Tyler asks if they do time out. She says they don’t believe in time out because it’s “annodated” which I can only assume is some sort of cross between antiquated and outdated. But, I’m probably just being a snob because I went to, like, a bunch of college. Also, I love Michigander accents.
Cate is kinda sad that she’s gonna miss Nova’s first day of preschool. When the day comes, it goes really well. Nova is happy and in good hands. Tyler calls Cate to report and all is well. Not much news with them this week, but Cate has drama ahead in NYC.
Maci is planning a golf date/surprise birthday for Taylor. When Bentley has bad manners and a crappy look on his face, She calls him “Ryan” which even I (giant bitchface) think is a bit fucked. Speaking of Ryan and fucked up, the latest real-time/not filming-time scoop is that Ryan and Mackenzie got married recently and then he headed off to rehab, hooray! I just hope he is motivated by a sincere desire to get sober (not Maci blowing up his spot on camera) and he finds the help he needs. I want him to get better and use this forum for something other than disappointing his family. For reals. See? I’m not always a giant bitch, just usually.
Did you know Maci and Tyler’s company name, TTM, stands for “ Things that Matter”? Also, it makes golf apparel Tyler is modeling in this episode. Bentley, Keelie and Tyler’s beard bros are at the house setting up the surprise party. They are the only people there, but Tyler loves it, so I guess that’s all that matters (TTM). In other news, I’m jealous of how easy Maci is making it look to potty-train her daughter.
Farrah is in LA and takes Sophia to an acting lesson, later she will meet Simon for (cough) hypnotherapy. The acting coach asks who Soph will miss the most when she leaves Austin and she acts shy. Farrah pipes up that it’s her boyfriend, like as in SOPHIA’S boyfriend. Look, I know young kids have crushes and pretend boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but to have your mom glorify it on TV seems just wrong and gross. Maybe I’m just hyper-sensitive because I’m certain everything Farrah does is fucking her daughter up.
Farrah proves me right by telling the cameras she’s going to give notice to the tenants in her LA townhouse since she’s moving back. Then she visits the property with Sophia and verbally agrees to extend their lease instead of telling them to find a new place because she’s moving back in. What? Shady business. On top of that, she gets mad at Sophia for talking about moving back to the townhouse in front of the renters. Because everybody knows an eight year old is supposed to understand and support their mom’s lies and crazy nutbag behavior.
Later, she takes Simon to the same used car salesman hypnotherapist she visited with Deb a couple episodes ago. The guy is pretty intuitive. He explains to Simon that he needs to let go of Farrah emotionally, although he may have already accepted the breakup intellectually. DUH! This is so stupid because they were only ever in a fake relationship for the cameras, but whatever, that summarizes Simon’s role. Then he hypnotizes them and Simon is slumped over like a junkie nodding on a bus bench for full dramatic effect. It’s amazing. When the therapist wakes them up, he immediately removes his mic and leaves. Bye gurl.
Amber and Matt are planning their wedding. I can’t even. In another real-time tidbit: If you follow Amber on Instagram, it’s pretty clear that she has finally broken up with Matt. Or maybe she’s making not-very vague references about standing up for herself and changing her life about something else. In show land, they go look at wedding venues with Amber’s mom, grandma and Leah. They are planning to get married Friday, October 13th, an idea the family clearly hates. Amber’s grandma asks about Matt’s mom and he says she won’t be coming to the wedding because they don’t speak anymore. Grandma looks horrified and Amber scrambles to try to explain it, but then realizes she can’t. Matt gets really quiet and has a murderous look on his face.
Gary and Kristina’s daughter, Emilee is getting so big! She’s adorable and eerily looks just like Amber and Leah. Is it possible that Gary, Kristina and Amber are some sort of clones? Maybe I’m just binging too much Orphan Black on the side.
Amber talks about her five medications. She asks Matt to go to therapy with her before the wedding. He pretends to be “so confused” about why she wants to do this. He says they’re planning a wedding and everything is good. He’s such a sleaze, plus he has like four Gatorade bottles of pee next to his bed. I hope he gets “confused” and accidentally drinks one.
Later, while they are in NYC for press. Why did Matt go? None of the other guys are there. Oh, that’s right FREELOADER! Plus, he’s probably afraid to let Amber out of his sight in case the spell is broken and she finally sees what an evil troll he really is. Well, on the trip, Amber finds out that Matt gave Catelynn a Xanax when she was complaining of anxiety. Amber is furious because Matt is supposed to be off the pills and “recovering” from his addiction, so WTF is he doing with a pocket full of Xanax? Cate says she never even took the pill, Matt says he brought it for Amber in case she needed it on the plane. He corners her, pretends he doesn’t realize she’s mic’d and asks if she will “forgive Daddy” and still marry him—barf. She says no.
She’s says she’s done with his lies, but she will pretend they aren’t breaking up for the interviews that day. And, boy does she! This is funny because she knows this behind-the-scenes stuff is being filmed but whatevs. I think they’re both fucking liars. Then Matt tries to weasel in with Catelynn and get her to feel sorry for him. Cate tells Amber every word he said as soon as he’s gone. It’s so fun to see his disgusting old ass scrambling! I love it.
Amber talks to the girls without Matt and confirms that she has booked the wedding, but looks sick about it. She clearly regrets it and knows she won’t be marrying him. She tells the girls Matt has issues to work out before she will marry him and, at this point, he’ll be lucky if it happens. I think Matt’s lucky streak is over. This is getting so good.