First of all everyone get your selfie game going. We have a few hundred thousand guests tonight due to this exclusive. If I had known I would have tried to clean up the joint. Oh, who am I kidding. As Popeye says, I yam what I yam. If you like it, stick around. If you are a grammar Nazi, I implore you to move on. My fast and error ridden recaps work for me.
When last we left the crew, there was a love triangle between Wiz, errr Wes, Adam and Malia. Adam was self sabotaging to make room for Ben’s triumphant return, and Bobby was being a douchebag. Sorry I am late with WWHL recap, but I will get on it ASAP!
The biggest issue is that the ferry has delayed their departure time so Adam’s onion dishes are all subject to bacteria. Of course Adam takes his frustrations out on Hannah. Because, misogynist. He says that Bugs should be chief stew because she is doing the job anyway.
So Hannah marches herself right up to Captain Sandy to follow the script that says, “Adam gets fired and Ben saves the day.”
The Krka waterfalls are insanely gorgeous. I’ve added them to my bucket list. Along with Kenya Moore’s honeymoom bungalow on Sugar Beach in St. Lucia. I actually stayed in the room the winning bachelorette stayed in St. Lucia. I think I posted about it somewhere here after the fact. I digress.
Adam is totally arrogant with the guests. He feels like the guests should be appreciative of his mad cooking skills. Says the guy who can’t cook without onions, according to the script.
Adam takes Malia on a walk to the waterfalls. God bless the fat man in a speedo. I love his IDGAF attitude. When Adam asks Malia how she likes her crew she give Wiz, err Wes, a glowing review. He’s very smart. Yep Malia, he is the total package and you are at the waterfalls with Adam. Clearly, you are not very smart. They kiss. Malia tries to defend herself in her talking head. Frankly, she has nothing to defend. She has two suitors (three if you add Bobby) and she is free to explore them both. It just kind of sucks that they all live together and one of them is her boss. But she is well within her lane. No judgement her. Do you, Malia. The land excursion went very well. Croatia is so beautiful.
Adam hate cooks dinner. He speaks about the guests in horrible ways calling them rednecks and opining about how people hire him because they like his food. This reminds me of that one horrible season of Below Deck where the crew and EVEN CAPTAIN LEE disparaged the guests. That’s a hard no for me. Adam grates onions into his lentil soup. He makes a dish with mussels. He’s a douchebag.
Wiz and Malia got for a walk in Croatia at dark. Wes says, this is where horror films are filmed. Actually, it is where Game of Thrones is filmed.
Max reports to Bobby that he may still have a chance with Malia. She’s very cute, but this is just a testosterone fueled competition at this point.
Hannah finds a charter guest passed out on the toilet. Because, yachting vacation.
Sorry the site crashed on me for a few seconds due to our new friends which is great. But I think I lost something here.
Everyone on the ship is talking about #OnionGate Adam is ridiculous. He sends more onions out. Captain Sandy walks in on Adam saying Hannah has resting bitch face. Oh please. He must have just found out that Ben is coming in to replace him.
Hannah goes to Captain Sandy to rat out Adam. I am team Hannah here.
Finally we get to see Lauren above deck. I just want to give her a hug. She’s like Cinderella.
After an apparently seamless docking, the primary calls out Adam. He says that Adam was awful. At the tip meeting, Captain Sandy is furious with Adam. I know that Captain Lee would have allowed Adam to share in the tip, but I wish Sandy would have excluded Adam.
Sandy gives Adam a stern talking to. In her talking head, Captain Sandy says she wants to fire Adam but she can’t get a chef midseason.
Shore Leave! Adam offers to give his share of the tip to the rest of the crew. They decline. Friction between Hannah and Bugs exists now. Because, Adam. So suddenly, Lauren is Hannah’s new BFF. DOES THIS MEAN SHE WILL LET HER OUT OF THE IRONING ROOM? Because for the love of GOD we need more Lauren! Adam leaves and Malia goes chasing him. Oh Malia. Wis is done with Malia.
Next week: Malia chooses Adam and who cares because a REALLY HOT GUY IS THE PRIMARY!
TT, live and unedited, signing off.