Tonight, we will see now much of what really went down in The Berkshires last December gets shown. With Luann’s wedding looming, she and bridesmaid Dorinda have dinner with Jill and Bobby Zarin at Phillipe. Before we get to that dinner, we all have to survive the Berkshires, and that is a difficult task every year.
We left off with Bethenny and Ramona having a showdown. Bethenny called Ramona a bad friend and Ramona screamed “Are you kidding me?” A total of four times with more drama in each wild eyed exclamation. Production is going to a lot of effort to make sure we know that Ramona seems to be on something. Bethenny begins stating her case from 2009 when Ramona told Bethenny that she would end up alone. Then she moves to 2015 when she claims Ramona stole two dresses from her on her talk show. Actually that was in 2014 not 2015 as the show indicates. I suppose the episode of RHONY they are showing was from 2015. Ramona tells Bethenny she is crazy. That might be the case but she is telling the truth. Then she says she visited with her at Dennis’ house before filming and never mention her concern about Bryn and the topless movie until
she was on camera she had an audience.
Ramona’s response is, “You were topless, you had sex on a waterbed, you kissed another woman, if you are going to mention it, mention it all!” Dear Lord Ramona is truly awful. Bethenny says she made her own money and Ramona married hers. Ramona says that Bethenny only fucked guys with money to get to the top. My mama used to say, it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor one. In my case both were equally difficult. Ramona says she has taken care of herself since she was 16. It dawns on Bethenny that Ramona’s attempts to disparage her and her business comes from jealousy. She asks Ramona how many cases of wine she sold this year. Ramona said she had wine before Bethenny and she sold ten thousand cases her first year. She says Bethenny’s business are failing.
In her talking head, Ramona says she wants to hurt Bethenny because she is hurting her. Back in the Berkshires, Ramona lists everything that Bethenny had or has that she wanted. She says Bethenny had everything given to her. Bethenny is sitting there looking at her like she is on crack. Then suddenly the Ramonacoaster takes a huge drop where Ramona starts talking about the pain of ending her 25 year marriage and how that is something Bethenny will never understand. Actually, Bethenny’s divorce seemed pretty painful from her on the ghetto couch.
I am struggling to understand how any of this proves Ramona’s argument that she is a good friend to Bethenny. It seems like more evidence that she was not to me. When the fake crying starts Bethenny suggests that Ramona doesn’t see herself clearly. Ramona with pure hatred in her voice tells Bethenny that she is an opportunist and she uses people. Bethenny suggests if that is how she feels could she please get out of her ass and stop trying to get on her good side. Why does she keep apologizing if she dislikes her so much? Ramona keeps screaming at Bethenny about how nice she (Ramona) is and how she loves people and Bethenny is just a bitch. A bitchy witch. She is fond of that term and repeats it several times before realizing she is out of wine. So Bethenny gets a reprieve while Ramona tracks down another bottle. I suspect at least half of the ten thousand cases that first year were purchased by Ramona.
After Ramona’s brutal attack on Bethenny, during which she said some things that Bethenny had disclosed about how her mother treated her, Bethenny tells Carole she is ready to go home. It was so bad she can’t event explain to Carole how horrible it was. Plus, you know Carole was standing out of sight somewhere listening to the whole thing. Probably with Sonja and Dorinda. Bethenny tells the story very accurately to Carole. Did Bethenny get her boobs fixed? They look huge with that black bra on.
Ramona tells Sonja that she called Bethenny bitchy bitchy witch because Bethenny attacked her. Sonja points out that she promised to leave Bethenny alone and try to make up with her. Ramona’s story is total bullshit. She is wasted out of her mind. She tells Carole that Bethenny is a user and she is using her right now by making her leave with her. Carole is actually glad for a reason to flee. She gets up in Carole’s face and says that Bethenny told her she doesn’t like hanging out with Carole because she’s boring. Carole doesn’t believe her. Ramona screams that she doesn’t lie. That is approximately lie number 834 that she has spewed in the first nine minute of this program.
Dorinda is furious that Bethenny and Carole are leaving instead of Ramona. Where the hell would drunk Ramona go? She can’t just be shoved out the door unsupervised. Bethenny tells Ramona to get away from her. She will never speak to her again, they will never be on the same sidewalk. Ramona asks why she is such a vicious bitch. As Bethenny walks off drunk ass Ramona is all, “Gah, I said I was sorry! I tried to make up with her! Bethenny and Carole leave with the driver.
Tinsley has been sick and slept through all the drama. Which is convenient because now Dorinda can recap it for her. It appears that Sonja didn’t pass out ON the dining room table, She passed out in a dining room chair sitting up with her arm on the buffet. Dorinda thought she was dead. Ramona comes down for breakfast continuing to lie. She tells Dorinda that she was mad at Bethenny for slandering John two seasons ago. She is a lying liar who lies out of her lie hole.
Luanna arrives ever the blushing bride in her “Mrs D’Agotino To Be” tank top and offers to make everyone eggs a la Francais. Sonja wanders down wearing a pair of PJs that belong to Dorinda. Her dead husband gave them to her and she had them hanging in a zipper wardrobe bag in a closet. That means that at some point after she got Sonja’s drunk ass to bed while avoiding her sexual advances, Sonja went through Dorinda’s closets.
Sonja comes to Tinsley’s room to talk to her about the rules of her house again. It’s like they were supposed to have that fight but Tinsley got sick and Sonja missed her big scene so she is going to have it now even though it is coming out of no where and makes no sense.
Dorinda finally gets everyone the hell out of the beautiful Bluestone Manor and starts to clean up. It amazes me that every year these bitches do not make their bed and clean up behind themselves before leaving. But this year, Ramona literally trashed her room. While she was drunk she apparently yanks sconces out of the wall and did damage to the wall way up to the ceiling. Dorinda is still heartbroken about the way Ramona treated her home. She has worked so hard on that house to get just the “Marilyn Monroe Meets Frankenstein” look she wanted. That house is her pride and joy and Ramona tore it up. I would like to believe that this was just storyline but I heard immediately after the party that Dorinda was extremely upset about how her house was treated this season.
Carole takes Tinsley to see an apartment in her building. It’s gorgeous. Tinsley loves it but her “life” is in the upper east side and the apartment if far away from her hairdresser and her dry cleaner. It’s also $7,100 a month and that may be out of her price range.
Bethenny has a moth problem in her closet. Dorinda’s husband John charged her $10,000 to fix it. There are still moths. Do rich people not know about mothballs?
It’s finally time for the much publicized Jill Zarin scene. Despite all the rumors, as I told you at the time, this is the one Jill Zarin scene in the show. Well, she was at Luann’s wedding celebration in New York that they filmed after her honeymoon. But I don’t think they even put a microphone on her.
Dorinda and Jill have known each other forever. Luann is excited to have Jill and Bobby at the wedding. Dorinda tells Tom about the Ramona drama. Jill says she misses the gossip and wants to hear everything. Luann tells Jill about the “intervention” that Ramona instigated to warn her about Tom. Because let’s face it, Ramona is just a giant cunt this season. To everyone. Even Sonja is growing weary of her. Jill suggests that Tom have a GPS attached to him so that all the women can save themselves some time. Tom says there is no need he only ever goes to five places. He’s easy to find, he has set routine. Places like The Regency where there is a crowd of regulars he’s known and even dated for years. He says Ramona is calling them and friends of his to inquire about his activities. Jill pretends to be mortified, but frankly it sounds like something Jill would do if she were still on the show.
I wonder why John didn’t come to this. He was invited. I do remember Dorinda saying in one of the first episodes that he would not be on the show as much this year. I’m sure it is because of Ramona and Sonja trash talking him on TV. That’s not good for his business.
We get lots of flashbacks from Jill’s season. Jill says she invited Ramona to her party at this year because she knew she wanted to come. Then Ramona had a big party and didn’t invite her. Jill says she was in Hawaii anyway but that’s not the point. Tom says he feels sorry for Ramona because he likes her and wants her to be happy. Jill and Luann both dislike Ramona. Jill says Ramona is very unhappy and lonely and she is taking it out on those around her. Dorinda defends Ramona saying she doesn’t see her as an unhappy person. WTF, Dorinda? She was drunk as a skunk berating Bethenny and tearing your house up just last week!
Jill is upset that Bethenny is not invited to the wedding. She wanted to see her. Oh Jill, that ship has sailed. It was good to see you, now Sashay away.
Carol has invited Tinsley to an Art Show featuring her neighbor, Linda Mason. Carole is one of the artist’s models and there are nude paintings of Carole and others on display. I had a post on this event but it is taking way too long to find it. The artwork is gorgeous and each sells for almost $8,000. Bethenny jokes about Carol being topless all over the wall because Ramona made such a big deal out of her little movie. Carol says, “It’s art.” Dorinda fills Bethenny and Carole in on how badly Ramona trashed her house.
Ramona shows up to the event. She’s still fucked up on whatever she is on. Bethenny avoids her but Dorinda tells her she didn’t appreciate how she trashed her home and she is sending her up next weekend to paint it. Ramona is all like whatever. No apology. Nothing. Then Ramona starts talking about how “Bethenny lost it on her.” Dorinda seethes quietly. In her talking head she says if she were a real bitch she’d sue her for the damages. Instead she talks to Carole and wants one of the paintings. She says Carole should buy one and put it on her wall. Carole says that would be narcissistic. I disagree. I think she will regret not buying one. I have a large pastel on my wall that my favorite aunt did that everyone thinks is me.
Carole tries to hook Tinsley up with her dentist. Then Sonja wanders in late. She chats with Bethenny and then Ramona walks up. Bethenny walks away. Ramona says that Bethenny was isolating Sonja last year and she defended her because she didn’t want Sonja to
get kicked of the show be isolated from the group. Ramona is fighting hard to turn everyone against Bethenny. But no one is falling for it.
Luann and Tom head off to get married. They seem really happy together and like a cute match. Tom has a great sense of humor. They talk about whether or not to spend the night before the wedding together. Luann brings it up. Tom says he is going out on Friday night, he has a hall pass. They laugh. I do sort of think that a lot of Tom’s cheating is a whole, “one last hurrah” before the old ball and chain sort of thing. I really don’t think Luann cares that much and believes he will settle down once they are married.
As Luann steps out of the limo and on to the helipad to take them to the airport, she says in her confessional that she feels like she is Cinderella. All the girls were at the ball but she got the glass slipper. I’m happy for you Luann. I may be the only one, but I really wish nothing but the best for you.
They don’t tell us what is going on next week. They show us the trailer for the entire second half of the season instead. You can see my thoughts on that here.