Million Dollar Listing New York: The Kids Aren’t Alright

Fredrik

Fredrik is going after a listing in Soho this week that is two of the last cast iron buildings. That sounds like a lot safer place for me to live than on top of the Four Seasons. Maybe I should change my go fund me to this place.  It’s just sixteen and a half million dollars, after all.  Oh and a live in maid. Because it has seven bathrooms! When did people decide that single family homes needed two bathrooms per person? Oh there is no 24 hour doorman? Nevermind.  Of course Fredrik lands all the listings in both buildings for a total listing of $60 million.

Fredrik invited 300 people to the open house. He did not invite the developer, but he crashed anyway. The property owners should never be at an open house. No good can come of this. Especially when the developers have a script that says, “In this scene, you will pester Fredrik to death at his open house.” Another woman has been given the script that says, “Ask Fredrik to show you the unfinished penthouse that he is not supposed to be showing yet.”  Not only does he show her, he quotes a price before the space is even finished, let alone listed. If I know better than that, so does Fredrik. 

After the open house he got two full ask offers on two of the middle units of he building(s) both were $8.25 million each. Now we get the fake showing with Bethenny and Dennis. Yes, that Bethenny. Remember when the paparazzi just happened to catch them looking at this apartment? Actually, I just checked that link and that property was in Tribeca. This one is in Soho at 25 Mercer across the street from where she was living at the time. Bethenny looks at it the next episode. Maybe she tells Dennis about it. I don’t think she buys it.

Steve

It looks like Steve’s storyline is going to be ridiculously awful clients this season. Is this some sort of hazing?  This week the same smart-mouthed kids are pretending to be in charge of the property. I am starting to wonder if their dad/uncle even knows that they are putting the property on the market. I don’t think Steve has spoken to him at all.  Steve has agreed to do an open house, something he doesn’t like on principal,  if the kids will just get the kitchen remodel finished. This is the third time they have agreed to do that and the third time they have lied. It’s also raining on his open house day. It looks like only one guy is going to stop by. He said what they all said, that it is priced to high. None of the three people in this scene are very good actors.

Steve’s assistant, the lovely Jess, suggests that he try to get a rental deal on the house rather than just ditching the whole mess like he wants to. So he sets a price and calls a rental agent and puts out some feelers. Steve goes to the kids and tells them they have an offer for a one year lease at $600,000. That gets them more money toward the total and they can relist it in a year and see if they have buyers willing to go to the higher price the kids want. Eventually the kids agree to call the dad after they get a contingency to continue the listing and showing of the property. Then the kid goes outside to call daddy. Seriously? Has Steve ever spoken to this homeowner. This is not how things are done.  At any rate, the owner allegedly agreed.

Ryan

Last episode, Ryan picked up around a hundred listings from one Brooklyn Developer and he wanted half of them sold within 90 days. Ryan went into overtime to get his new Brooklyn office set up. It’s been three weeks and they have sold 15 houses.

Ryan’s wife’s sister is living with them at the moment and it seems she needed to stand in a very odd scene where Ryan’s wife gives Ryan a facial and furiously text on her phone. During all of this foolishness, Ryan gets a call that his buyer for the creepy antebellum still house in Brooklyn fell through. He had an open house all planned out and the buyer went into contract before hand. Now he has to start all over. I could not believe he found one buyer for that house. He will never find two. It’s a tear down.

Ryan finds out that the reason the contract fell through is because it didn’t pass inspection. Because, tear down. Unless you are an architect that really likes restoring old homes to their former glory. So guess what Ryan found. Not just one of those but two married guys who do just that. Isn’t that convenient? Oh wait. They may just be two random clients that he is showing the house to at the same time who are not married? Who knows.

Ryan goes to meet with his developer, who is hot by the way, to try to explain that with the amount of restoration the home needs he needs to do a big price drop. He has told his driver that if he texts him, he is to bring in a giant box full of paperwork. These guys and their drivers in NYC are like best friends. Bethenny has always said her driver could write the biggest tell all book about her.  Anyway, Ryan explains that he is selling a portfolio of houses. He has sold 52 houses in just over two months. This particular house needs to be sold at a lot less but the other 99 houses will cover the difference. This is a great strategy. The developer isn’t budging so it is time to call in the driver. Only Yuri sort of spaced out and didn’t get the memo, or text in this case. But eventually he comes in with the box.  I thought the papers were going to be all the things wrong with the house. But they are all the contracts he has brought in over the past two months. Ryan wants to give the developer a visual of all of his hard work. It’s $79 million dollars worth of work. It works. The developer takes the offer.