By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Some serious crazy went down with Amber and Matt since the last episode of TMOG, so I kinda feel like this whole week has been one big show. In case you missed it, you can read about what a sleazebag Matt is here.
Catelynn
Breaking news—Nova is wearing pants! Also Cate is planning a trip to Puerto Rico to celebrate her 25th b-day with Maci, Amber, husbands and gross old guys named Matt. She is leaving Butch as Nova’s primary caretaker because she specializes in good decisions. His only real question is how much money they are leaving him.
As soon as the group arrives at their destination, everybody goes in the pool and Cate wears the same swimming capris she wore in Jackson Hole, so I guess my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. Cate keeps talking about how she wants to eat some good Spanish food. I think she means Puerto Rican or maybe South American, because map.
On the last night of the trip, the group has a fancy dinner to celebrate Cate’s birthday. Maci asks Amber and Matt about the wedding date. They say October, which is not what Amber tells Cate when they are alone.
Farrah
Farrah is not invited to Puerto Rico, but she is invited to speak to a group of female entrepreneurs at SXSW. She’s in LA with her mom and they seem to be getting along great, which is a red flag that Farrah is about to have a major freak out over nothing soon. Over a casual lunch in full hair/makeup Farrah says she handles breakups better than most people because her first boyfriend died. Yuck.
Back in Austin, Farrah checks up on her dad, who is working at her yogurt shop in a black smock. She manages to insult and emasculate him within the first two minutes of being at the store. Then she passes a FaceTime from Simon off on him, which is awkward. She leaves in a flurry of tight yellow dress and real-looking rabbit fur vest (yuck), carrying a pair of those ridiculous yogurt shop promotional sunglasses with the intention of wearing them for her public speaking event.
I’m surprised she did well at the event, but not surprised that she uses the networking time after to talk about her personal life. She holds a lady hostage who makes the mistake of asking about her ethnic background and then tries to see if she can hook Farrah up with some dates. On the aftershow, they do some sort of gross dating game to try to find her a boyfriend. I’m disgusted by this storyline because I think she needs some time away in a mental hospital before she will be capable of real human interaction.
Amber
On the topic of mental health (or lack thereof) Amber and Matt are really not getting along since he acted like a total fucking psycho in Vegas. In their first scene, they are bickering about one of the 47 dogs banging into the door. Matt is dressed exclusively in vacation souvenirs (Capitol Records shirt and Aria Las Vegas beanie) and Amber is wearing a pink Victoria’s Secret knock-off warm up suit that not quite matches her hair. It’s a lot of look, as Tim Gunn would say.
Also, while explaining to Leah what Puerto Rico is, Gary and his wife reveal that they think it is “place people go in a different country” called Mexico. I wonder if there is one fucking person on this show who passed high school geography. Or high school for that matter. Maybe Maci and Tyler.
Over breakfast, Amber gets very emotional about her dad, who recently passed. She regrets that he didn’t get to see her get married, but he did know she got engaged. Her producer, Kerthy (of the Matt asking her to give oral pleasure fame) says the most ridiculous thing, something along the lines of at least Amber’s dad knew she was going to be taken care of. Taken care of, MY ASS. Amber leaves the table and Kerthy follows her all the way to her room, where she really falls apart.
In Puerto Rico (not Spain, not Mexico), Catelynn asks Amber (who wears a giant white hat the entire trip, even at a nice dinner) how the wedding plans are coming. She gives a wishy-washy answer about how they need therapy for their “trust issues” before moving forward. Meanwhile, Matt is flailing around on the beach with his giant gut hanging over his shorts. Hey Matt’s, it’s a called a rash guard and it’s basically a tankini for men. Google it.
The whole group gets a paddle-boarding lesson. Amber is fully clothed even though everybody else has on swimwear. Maci looks crazy hot in her black strappy bikini and impractical swimming choker. Amber, who expressed some insecurity about being in a bathing suit next to Maci, looks fine and I think Catelynn looks cute in boyshorts instead of swimming pants.
Maci
Maci and Tyler are excited to get away from their millions of kids. Tyler’s mom is coming to take care of them and Maci’s parents will help out. There is no mention of Ryan, Jen or Larry. In fact, the basketball coach is lined up to take Bentley to practice. Sad.
Speaking of sad, Maci opens up to the ladies about the situation with Ryan. Amber says she recognizes the signs of addiction in Ryan and he needs to hit a bottom before he can get help. Maci is super emotional because she feels like everybody in Ryan’s life, except her, is in denial of his problem and more concerned about appearances than what’s actually happening. Isn’t t that true of every person on this show?
I’m not sure about this Ryan on hard drugs storyline. I definitely agree that Ryan has some sort of personality disorder, but think maybe Maci is accentuating the drama. It is also possible his drug use has just escalated to the point where he can’t hide it any more. Time will tell.
Speaking of drama and addicts, Matt is drinking like a fish on this trip. The guys all go out to a bar and Matt pretends he’s 24 and doesn’t have problems with addiction. I’ve voiced my opinion about this before, but basically it’s like this. Drinking is absolutely fine unless you have publicly claimed to be a recovering alcoholic/addict who wants to build a rehab empire. There’s a word for people in recovery who drink: relapse.
Now I have to get back to a whole different bunch of ridiculous dysfunctional alcoholics on Bloodline.
Maci and Ryan are one of my favorite couples on the show next to Catelynn and Tyler, I really hope amber is reconsidering this relationship with Matt’s disrespectful ass. The fact that Maci still cares about Ryan’s well being in regards to Bentley and his safety shows how great of a mom she is. Tyler and Cate are so cute never anything bad to say about them but I just think Farrah is rude and disrespectful to her parents most times and like I said before I feel the same way about Janelle and the way she disrespects her mom season after season.
Yes Farrah and Janelle are horrible, awful disrespectful barely humans but Deb and Barb have more than a few screws loose lol!!
LoveJones agree
One of the few times I didn’t hate Farrah. She actually seemed mature compared to the others. The rest seemed like entitled brats! And who leaves their toddler with an ex-junkie felon? Did they forget that #FreeButch recently relapsed?
Matt’s sunburned ass was disgusting this episode. Like some creepy older uncle wanting to hang out with the young crowd.
Cate going on how they all had such good men (cut to Matt) made me laugh.
I missed the part where Gary thought Puerto Rico was in Mexico. I did wonder what Spanish food was. Like what Amber was imagining when she was hoping for good Spanish food. I can overlook Gary and Amber’s lack of geography skills.
I CAN NOT BELIEVE TYLER AND CAIT LEFT THE BABY WITH BUTCH.
I seriously thought they were joking. Surely someone will come and check to make sure the kid is alive every day at least. I almost cancelled a trip because I could not find anyone I felt comfortable leaving my dog with. And I would NOT leave him with Butch.
I agree TT
I have always wondered about steroids in Ryan’s case.
The whole “Spanish Food” reference drove me nuts and why was Amber wearing a muumuu in the canoe?
Great recap! Thanx!
First thing, thank you Becky J. I found it hilarious how this group from my perspective, have nothing in common, and would never choose to vacation together. Just seemed like a mish mosh of people.
I have trouble believing that Farrah Abraham is a real person.
Well I think she is a person at least….
Cate & Tyler leaving Nova with Butch is disturbing. More so is the fact they’re leaving him with money! And they’ll wonder why he went on a bender and forget where he left Nova.
He literally asked them on camera….”So how much money are you leaving me?” Disturbing indeed.
If so much is going on with all of them, naturally the first thing to do is ditch everything and everyone and party in Puerto Rico. Kinda wish when I had to care for a bunch of young kids, or an addict, or a new business or four, rebuild a house, I prioritize my life by realizing what is REALLY important. I’m not going to have much sympathy for any problems, since obviously none are more important than cracking a beer or twelve, and complain while getting sand between their toes. Aren’t they all supposed to be in therapy or group, or not drinking??
I love Bloodline. Great show. Great recap. Matt is the biggest loser. I used to like Cate & Tyler but they are just too lazy. I hope for Bently’s sake Ryan is not on drugs. He is a great kid. Omg these people seriously are as stupid as rocks! Lol. Thanks for pointing it out. I don’t think Macy is AS stupid but her husband is. At least they are happy. No question Amber, Gary Matt, Cate, Tyler etc could not pass an 8th grade geography let alone Math test!
I agree with everything except for Ryan. In my opinion and you could be right miss Becky j but it looks to me like he is full on addict on some sort of upper and/or downer. Such as meth, speed, opioids etc. I hope I’m wrong. But I also hope he gets the help he deserves and needs. Sometimes we all need a lil help. I always thot that fight between him and his dad was due to his drug use. Speculation on my part. I am a recovering addict. Unfortunately I’m the recovering addict that still drinks but am off the hard the shit for now on 10 years. Yay me 😉
That was a pretty sorry resort in PR.
Tyler doesn’t trust Butch on drug use but will put his toddler in his care. Thought Cate was smarter than that. More reason why Carly’s parents don’t want them seeing their daughter after watching that episode.
Maci should stay out of Ryan’s issues. Just not have Bentley see him unsupervised. Bentley has never bonded with Ryan anyway and sleeping in grandma’ s bed is totally inappropriate!
Amber and Matt is just a sick relationship or manufactured for the show. Matt must get sick of hearing about Leah when he could give two shits about his own kids but has to hold his tongue – LOL
Farrah actually had a pleasant conversation with her mom!
I am to the point where I don’t like any of the “OG’s” anymore but I can’t stop watching the show.
Butch left in charge of Nova , really ?! Does Cate have depression from smoking pot all the time ? I remember when they gave up Carly and promised to get a college education and make her proud. I hope they keep that promise but I doubt it.
Amber, you in danger girl. Matt is dragging you down. You deserve better and so does Leah!
Maci protects Bentley as best she can, I think Ryan and family are kinda creepy and that puts Maci in a hard place.
Therapy must be working for Farrah. She was pleasant for the most part. She seems ambitious and hard working.
None of these people knowing where/what Puerto Rico is pretty much says it all. Why do I keep watching this?
I like your recaps, Becky. Better than the show.
Thank you thank you thank you… The bugs the shit out of me when they claim they’re sober… You don’t fucking drink when you’re sober fucking idiot. I am for sure has a drug issue… And it’s way above his head now… I’m hoping he’ll get help.
On top of that… They actually argue with people on Instagram that says you’re not sober… Her and Jenelle go back-and-forth with “fans” we’re allowed to drink! Stupid ass… I absolutely know people that drink that are in recovery but they don’t claim to be sober they just claim they don’t use drugs anymore. I personally think it’s a very slippery slope but to each their own.
They get too much money for doing absolutely nothing.