By Guest Contributor Becky J.
I barely made it through my recap of RHOP alive last week! I kept thinking about that Starburst commercial where the zombie says, “you are boring me to death and I’m already dead.” That’s how I felt.
So, when this week started with my absolute least favorite narrative technique, the flash-forward, I was worried. They just did this a couple weeks ago and I hated it then. Luckily, it turned out to be a pretty exciting episode.
We finally got some new interview outfits and wigs this week! Gizelle stayed true to her usual tacky, matchy-matchy style with hot pink dress and eyeshadow. I’m sure she had on those gross pink gladiator heels, but, luckily we didn’t have to see her feet. However, we still had to see Karen in the tired baby blue bandage dress and I was dangerously close to throwing something at the TV.
Ashley is planning a revamp of the menu at Oz (fi-nally) and a big unveiling. She does most of the work before telling Michael, which seems like a dumb move. I kind of understand why, but still she should have figured out a way to include him before the week of the event. He’s super pissed because he’s more married to his kangaroo meat than he is to Ashley.
Robyn and Juan are doing the basketball camp. He’s way nicer to the kids than he is to her. Later, he’s wearing the same shirt from basketball camp to a family dinner in honor of Robyn’s mom’s birthday. He spends the whole evening either looking tortured or on his phone and I want to slap him. Robyn does, too.
Karen, Ashley and Monique go on a golf date to the driving range. Karen comes dressed for golf and the other two come in heels. Karen is pissed. The only interesting thing in the scene is Ashley and Monique teetering in their heels while pretending they are smashing people’s faces when they hit the golf balls. It’s pretty stupid.
Speaking of stupid dates, Karen and Ray, AKA the guy who hates being called the black Bill Gates, go on a double date to the go-kart track with Gizelle and Kevin. They all have to wear black nylon helmet liners and the go-kart guy tells them to wear it like they’re about to commit a felony. Now there’s a RHOP date I would like to see! Gizelle can’t squeeze her big ole head into a regular helmet, she needs a larger size than everyone else. Ray drives like and old man because he is and Karen tells Gizelle to let Kevin win or he will never marry her (WTF?).
After the race, they split up and Karen grills Kevin while keeping her helmet liner on because she thinks it makes her look like Chaka Kahn/her hair is all messy. Ray and Gizelle have a super awkward conversation about how she better hurry up and get married because she’s not going to stay hot forever. I would normally be offended by all the chauvinism and outdated gender roles represented in this scene, but I hate Gizelle, so it’s funny to see her so indignant and offended. A few days later, Gizelle shows up to “support” Karen in a sexy photo shoot for Ray wearing a skin tight leopard catsuit. Barf on her outfit, barf on their fake friendship.
Ashley invites all the ladies to her restaurant event because she’s a badass. Even though last time Robyn and Gizelle came to Oz they were getting in her face and last time she saw Charrisse that cow wouldn’t even say “hi”. Michael is furious about the new menu and they spend the day of the event fighting. He tries to tell the cameras to go away. Oh no you di-n’t! Did you forget you’re here for MY entertainment, Michael?
He’s a total fucking dick this season and I miss that fun, drunken creepy guy who was trying to take off his pants in the middle of a boat party last season. He pulls the “it’s my restaurant” card and Ashley lets him have it. My favorite line of the whole mess was, “You’re not my partner, you’re my parent!” Fucking-a right he’s acting like your parent! What did you expect? He’s like 100 years older than you. Ashley’s so fun and spicy and I really admire the fact she is willing to stand up to him even though she knows he holds all the cards in the relationship. Fingers crossed she has a good pre-nup.
On the night of the event, all of the ladies show up. When Ashley approaches them at their table, Gizelle starts in on her about the menu immediately. Charrisse is such a fucking idiot that she pretends Ashley isn’t standing right behind her. Ashley asks why it’s okay for everybody to talk shit about each other, but when she does it they all get pissed. I have been wondering the same thing, especially with the Robyn and Juan situation. I can’t believe how cool Ashley is and how well she handles herself. If I had the kind of day she has had, I would have told them all to go to hell and smashed Gizelle right in her haterish bitchface with an emu steak.
Monique wants nothing to do with the table full of old bitches. She’s inside with her husband. I like that seems genuinely happy in her marriage and seems like a great mom and wife. I do think her inability to film with the whole group without getting in a fight is a problem. She can’t film with her husband forever. I hope she figures out a way around Gizelle so she can stay on the show. Also, the Samuels family is getting ready to move into their Pato-mansion, so we will all stay tuned for that…
Hello Beck J, great recap…where shall I start.
Gizelle- The make-up is awful and goes quite well with her ensembles and attitude. I am not sure how she looks in person because television gives a distorted view (people tend to look 50 times better in person) but she looks pretty old and haggard, maybe it’s the stress of chasing rich men. Kevin does not look that well off to me, just a regular guy with a house and a career. She has three girls that someone has to take care of, so I hope she considers them when choosing a mate. However, I am more than positive Gizelle does not want to get married because she does not want those alimony checks to stop. My advice, get a real make-up artist not Tay-Tay from around the way. Stop wearing cat suits and body-con dresses and try a little tenderness it goes a long way. Ray was right about everything he said, maybe she really is starting to look old, he is just waning her.
Robyn- So sad, that Juan is so far removed from the situation its painful to watch. I do not think Robyn has self esteem issues, she knows she is pretty, she has alone and loyalty issues. A lot of women say “I stay for the kids” when they do not realize their children feed off of their energy and if mom and dad are miserable so are the kids no matter what age (been there done that). My advice, bitch run!!!!!!
Ashley Darby- I was happy to see her stand up for herself, both of my husbands were quite a bit older than me and they were controlling. For the first time in my life I feel like a grown woman making all my own decisions and I am 43, hopefully he sees that he has a partner who is trying to make things better and accept her for her strengths and love her for her loyalty. She is young and cute she could have anyone, she chose you Michael, get a grip. My advice, keep standing up for yourself and stay out of other peoples relationships, however, she does handle those crows quite well.
Monique- Haven’t we seen the judgmental happily married couple on the first/second season on every show. Monique you should quit while you are still ahead. However, I did appreciate the advice they gave to Michael about business and personal. I thought Monique dressed very nicely, maybe she over did it at Top Golf but I probably would have wore the same thing, less the hideous shoes. My advice, you seem to have a great marriage, but please do not flatter yourself to think that is what every gal wants, they probably don’t. Her and Gizelle are very childish and petty, get over it, move forward.
Karen- Love love her this season. For a lady of a certain age she has a nice body and she dresses well. I thought she was stylish and appropriate for top golf, loved the scarf. She is the Grand Dame. She is coming through with a lot of knowledge for the girls this season and it is much needed. I like her relationship with Ray, they seem in love and its real. My advice, keep moving upward and onward and thank you for getting a new stylist, hair dresser, and make up artist. The mole is fine, since everything looks better this year I barely notice.
Charisse- She was quiet last night, which was great. I wish she would squash the beef with Ashley and act like a grown woman of certain means, however she is petty and holds grudges, Honestly, Ashley was telling the truth. She needs a whole make over. I know she is dealing with a lot but for goodness sake you are on TV, maybe take a note from Atlanta and Beverly Hills, those ladies always look nice especially Beverly Hills.
All in all the show was boring except for Ashley’s drama, this is going to be a long season…
Ashely is feeling herself. Oh well it happens. Monique and Chris work because Chris lets Monique have her way and run her mouth nonstop. Chris and Moniques relatives that are on the payroll are the only people that can stomach all her humble bragging. Also Monique telling the age jokes are as tired as her sex jokes and rapping. Karen looked fantastic in her bob styled wig.
Was the fight between Ashley and hubby a blind item a while back? It was a fight in front of the restaurant, but we were yet to know she had a restaurant, due to between seasons. I thought it was, but if I remember, she was pregnant? Anyone remember that? I could be and may be wrong. Becky J, thanks again for a great recap. I’m shocked at how different Karen seems to be this season. Maybe she watched herself last season and paid attention, lol.
I love that Ashley is not William to put up with anyone’s bull including her sugar daddy who it seems she will also let go of instead of being berated by him. I do think though that she realizes that her rumor passing can’t be hurtful and not helpful. Charisse now she is just something else. I felt for her last season with all she was dealing with last seseason. THis year not so much. SHE is so unlikable to me. I can’t put my finger on why she just plucks my nerves. I find her a mean girl for no reason other than maybe she thinks it makes her storyline.
If anyone recorded the show or watches a rerun look for the scene where charisse arives at OZ and says hi. There is a guy behind her that does a double take and checks out her add LOL. I think someone on Twitter caught the video .
Juan is so checked out of that relationship it’s embarrassing me for her.
I hope Ashley and Michael make it but she cryptically alluded in her blog to a possible separation?
I saw that! Was hoping to see someone make a gif from it. His expression was so funny.
That scene where she was just waking up, I was thinking wow, she looks like such a BABY next to him! It gave me a real creepy vibe re: Michael.