It’s time for Southern Charm’s ugly step-child, Southern Charm Savannah the show one tunes into each week to answer the question, “Where will Ashley be in appropriately wet and nekkid this week?” Actually, I will take nekkid, wet Ashley over all the childhood trauma stories I just endured on the real Southern Charm tonight. Ugh. Need more wine.
And we start with childhood trauma. Ashley was thrown out of her church as a child from dressing like a prostitute. So clearly this behavior has been going on for years and there are reasons why she lives in a house full of skulls. But I don’t want to hear about them tonight. There were literally three or four long tedious scenes about bad things that happened during people’s childhoods in the last hour of recapping. I ran out of compassion right after Austen’s story about his sister falling off a cliff to her death while at Chimney Rock National Park with the family. Not tonight.
Ashley is trying blame “Christian Hypocrisy” for the situation she is in now with Hannah who basically just asked her to stop stripping in front of her husband. Ashley says girls are always being mean to her. It doesn’t seem to occur to her than taking her clothes of in front of other women’s spouses may be a bad idea that might legitimately have repercussions for her. Also, things acceptable to wear to church are often referred to as “church clothes.” Most religions require a certain amount of decorum at their services. How is the option of dressing your child properly for church not considered a remedy rather than arguing with the deacons over how slutty is too slutty for CHURCH?
After being extremely dramatic and crying over the fact that girls don’t like her, Ashley says she has to leave because she doesn’t have time for drama. Which is hysterical, because her whole life is one big dramatic act.
It seems like strip golf is going to be the topic of most of the episode. After Ashley leaves, Hannah calls Louis to tell him about Ashley’s bizarre behavior. They talk about the situation.
Then Catherine goes to visit her gay friend Brandon. They talk about it. And the fact that Daniel is going to in a drag show since he lost at strip golf. Oh and remember how last week Catherine announced she was an interior designer because one time she picked up some pillows at TJ Maxx that ended up being very cute? Well this episode she has her first client.
Meanwhile, Daniel goes to get his drag on courtesy of Ashley. As you can see in the above photo, Ashley is not being dramatic at all. Daniel tries to encourage Ashley to make up with Hannah. Hannah is his best friend and great person.
Oddly, the first thing on this show that looks familiar to me from my time in Savannah is Club One. That is where the iconic Lady Chablis performed for years and years. So of course this is an all cast event. Oh wow. They are doing a tribute to Lady Chablis, showing her act and everything. This is sad. Other than leaving off the Lady portion of her name and calling her a “Shim” Nelson did a great job with the tribute. In other words, Nelson did a shitastic job with the tribute.
Catherine’s GBF is one of those shitstirring gossipy gay so he is poking at Louis for the strip golf game. This scene was filmed just a couple of weeks after Lady Chablis passed. They start the show with a toast to her and her famous phrase, “Two tears in a bucket. Motherfuckit!” Did I mention this is sad?
Ashley apparently took Daniel’s advice and dropped off flowers and a note to Hannah. So problem solved, right? Nope not really. Hannah gave Ashley the cold shoulder at the drag show. Before that all blows up though, we have to get Daniel out on the stage. He got a case of the cold feet. But he finally goes on stage as his new alter ego, Coupons Galore.
After the show they go to a bar where Lyle seems really proud of Daniel’s drag performance. He spits on his thumbs and tries to help Daniel get rid of the eye makeup that does not want to come off. He even tries with the hem of his shirt. I feel like I am witnessing a drunken bromance blooming. Then again, they are all white girl wasted. So what better time for Ashley and Hannah to have a private chat. Happy goes to check on Hannah. Followed by Brandon and Catherine. Because all three of them are busybodies. Ashley and Hannah had already fist bumped and made up when they arrived to further stir the pot.
Are they not allowed to film on the riverfront? Just as I am typing that, it seems we are on River Street, but I don’t remember a Byrd’s being there. I hate when things change. On second glance, that doesn’t look like the river front.
Nelson has a poker party with pizza and wings. Nelson doesn’t know how to play poker. Nothing much happens at poker other than trying to include Ashley in the group. Louis rightly points out that Ashley excludes herself through her behavior. When the guys leave, Nelson hugs Daniel awkwardly and uses a bleeped word. Daniel is offended by it. Apparently the word is ‘schvartzer’ a Yiddish word for black person that has a derogatory connotation. Never heard of it. It seems Nelson was trying to bond with Daniel using the Yiddish term and it was offensive instead. Just like when Nelson seemed to be affectionately calling Lady Chablis a “shim.” Nelson is just a bit ignorant and awkward. I don’t know that he had any sort of mean intent.
Daniel and Ashley meet in one of the many pretty squares of Savannah to chat. Ashley is feeling left out of the group. She seems to be in every scene and her antics are certainly rewarded with a lot of screen time so I don’t know what she is bitching about.
Lyle and Louis have conversation about why Lyle got kicked out of Savannah Country Day. Apparently, he’s a pervert who used to “shine a camera up girls skirts.” He was kicked out after his junior year. He went there eleven years and they kicked him out for year twelve. He must have really been horrible. Daniel arrives and the three guys head out to hit the bars. They are trying to find Daniel a nice Jewish girl to marry. Instead he gets a blow job in the women’s room. Daniel asks Lyle and Louis to cut Ashley some slack. This is a ridiculous conversation. It’s not the guys that have an issue with Ashley. Lyle and Louis suddenly hate Ashley for no reason. They ask Daniel what Ashley’s job is. He says she is a stylist who styles people in magazines and movies. Lyle says he heard she is a baggage handler for Delta at the airport.
Next Week: There is a dinner party from hell where Ashley announces over dinner that Catherine cheats on Lyle.