By Guest Contributor Becky J.
Did you miss RHOP cuz there wasn’t a new episode last week? I didn’t. I keep trying, but this season isn’t really doing it for me. Still, I’m committed (or should I be committed?) so here we go. The first scene is Monique visiting one of her rental properties. She has a bunch of houses, we get it. Bo-ring.
Karen is working on a charity event (surprise, surprise) for a rape survivors organization called PAVE. She reveals in a very produced interview with PAVE’s founder that she was date-raped by some sleazebag in college. Now it makes a little more sense why she was freaking out so bad over her daughter going away to college. The founder of PAVE, Angela Rose, shares a little bit of her story, which is harrowing. Apparently she was kidnapped when she was 17. I was hating all the charity this, etiquette that, business last season on Potomac, but this felt different. In my opinion, this is It’s one of the more heartfelt and authentic housewives charity moments. Much less showy than LVP crying over dog meat or crazy LeeAnne on RHO Dallas acting like being a former carnie helps her understand women with AIDS.
Meanwhile, Gizelle and Robyn are planning an ambush on Ashley. They get all dressed up and act like they’re just going out, but they are planning a calculated scene to confront Ashley about spreading the rumors about Juan having a girlfriend. I blame Gizelle (as usual) for stirring the pot, playing both sides and getting Robyn all jacked up. They drive all the way to Ashley’s restaurant, Oz, to get in her face. It’s tacky and awful. I just kept thinking Robyn sure is acting mad for somebody who claims to not care if Juan has a girlfriend. It’s so tacky and I think Ashley would have been fully justified to call the cops or smash a glass on them.
Charrisse has an awkward conversation about her failing marriage with her daughter in a stationary store. Skylar is obviously uncomfortable and starts crying. Charrisse justifies this gross display of poor maternal judgement by saying her daughter gives great advice. She’s a sick bitch if she thinks it’s okay to expose a teenage girl to this kind of pain and humiliation on camera. Ugh, Charrisse is The. Absolute. Worst. I need her off my TV to go get her shit together and fade away.
Monique and Chris are going on a fashing date. She’s wearing a maxi dress and has her own pink fishing pole and chair. I’m fascinated watching her stab a worm with a hook with her giant rock and white manicured nails. That’s the most interesting thing about this scene. She seems to ponder and talk a lot about her marriage for somebody so happily married. She catches a big eel. Insert inappropriate joke here.
Gizelle helps Karen with some volunteer work at a community garden. She just showed up because she wanted to wear her Hunter boots with short-shorts and gossip. Karen lets it slip (in a calculated move to create drama) that Monique called Gizelle a “trick” after kicking her out of the backyard bbq. Gizelle gets all indignant like it’s the first time anybody has ever called her a trick. She bashes Monique, saying she’s uneducated and can’t speak words that are more than four letters. Pretty sure T-R-I-C-K is five letters, but Gizelle is super committed her self-righteousness, so whatever.
There’s an awful scene with Robyn and Juan. She’s trying to pin him down on details about his upcoming basketball camps and he’s a total fucking prick to her. It’s hard to understand why he’s so dismissive, but she doesn’t stand up for herself. Their dynamic is really sick. He stalks off and mutters to a producer that he’s so done with their relationship. He’s still wearing his mic and he says he only stays with Robyn because of the kids and he wants more. Yuck, this is be-yond. I feel even more sorry for her now. But then I consider the fact they could be savvy enough to be pretending for the cameras because they’re broke? Maybe they know they are dominating the storyline this season and decided to keep milking it. Hmmm…
Charrisse and Robyn go to lunch with Dr. Jeff. They both start crying because their husbands cheated on them. Dr. Jeff must be RICH, bitch.
At Karen’s charity event, Ashley is a grown-up and says “hi” to Gizelle and Robyn. Gizelle won’t even speak to her. She’s so rotten. As if we didn’t see her on camera just two episodes ago encouraging Ashley to talk about the Juan rumor. Gizelle and Robyn ignore the seating assignments and sit at a table by themselves. Then they look like couple of petty assholes after Karen shares her story of sexual assault and they are fighting over nothing.
After the event, Monique and Ashley approach Gizelle and Charrisse, who is still harboring a grudge against Ashley for no reason. [Not letting herself be bullied? Telling the truth about how pathetic Charrisse is? Trying to advise her on ugly ball gowns?] Monique asks Gizelle for her number, presumably so they can try (again) to sort out their differences. Gizelle refuses and then stalks off, immediately spinning the situation into some sort of attack from Monique, which was absolutely not the case.
This episode made me as tired as the storylines.