Oh look, it is me back to recap a second episode of this drivel. The drinking word is “Country Day.” I’d like to point out that Savannah Country Day School is not particularly expensive or selective and they even have a program for the poors. NTTAWWT. I’m just saying it’s not like they went to Pace or Woodward.
I wonder how many people Nelson had to blow to get his coveted slot as the narrator.
“This is kind of a sobering experience,” one of the drunk girls manages to utter as one of the ladies from ladies night discovers that her child and husband nearly died in a fire. I admire her restraint.
But hey, let’s back up six hours so Ashley can chat with us about her sex life without it seeming weird. She and Dennis got married because she was knocked up. The marriage lasted a couple of years and they divorced. The a few years later they remarried for the sake of the kid, who they named Izzy. I believe Izzy identifies as male though I hesitate to presume. Ashley wants us to know she is unhappy and in a sexless marriage. Had I known all of this last week, I would have been happy because I sense an Ashley and Daniel hookup coming on. But it is episode two and I am already tired of seeing Ashley’s tits and asshole. Surely Daniel is as well.
The next day we learn that the fan caught fire in Izzy’s room. Dennis somehow burnt both of his legs in the fire. Ashley and I appear to have the same style of cleaning. Now I fear that some electrical cord on a pile of crap is going to burn this place down. If Banjo and I both make it out alive, I’m not sure how much that would bother me. Oh Izzy’s real name is Isaac. That makes more sense. The only Izzy I know is the girl from Project Runway Junior that wore a sprout on top of her head. Dennis is a hero. Ashley might even have sex with Dennis now. Ashley wants to move because the house is full of spirits.
Happy and Azam
Who are these people and why were they not on last week? Happy identifies as female. You will never guess where she went to school! Come on, guess! Azam is a Muslim guy from Atlanta. There are five generations of grandmothers clutching their pearls in their graves while her mother and grandmother still have breath to clutch theirs.
These two have Daniel and a female with very, very, very large breasts over to dinner. Happy’s mom used to date Daniel’s dad. Happy’s life is just soooooo hard. Her voice is …like… literally… annoying… A… F. Her mother won’t be coming to the wedding because she doesn’t approve of her marrying a Muslim. It’s just so hard!
Ashley, Daniel and Louis go to play golf. They are already improperly dressed but this is about to become strip golf. I cannot imagine how much they had to pay to get this course shut down to play a round while not appropriately dressed. Because there is not way this would be allowed when the course was open. Ashley wins so the guys have to do a drag show. Now THAT is a Savannah thing. I was so said when Lady Chablis died. She was a Savannah icon.
Catherine
Catherine lives in the tiniest little garage apartment ever. Catherine’s parents come over so that she can tell them that she has decided to be an event planner. Catherine is the female Shep of this franchise. She drunk and irresponsible. My theory on this little apartment is that Big Cat did not want a bunch of filming in her gorgeous home. They were allowed to film out in the yard though, where production can pee in the marsh.
That second photo is Catherine and Lyle crabbing.
Hannah and Louis
These to seem somewhat civilized when they are on a date together and not reciting their family tree. Surely they are just making them do this for the first episode or two and we will not have to keep hearing about Louis’ yankee daddy. Louis is very excited about his socks. Hannah is not very excited to hear about strip golf. Hannah really needs Louis to try to be an adult a bit more.
Later, at NotSoHappy’s bridal shower things are going to get heated between Hannah and Ashley. Also, apparently Catherine is not familiar with the term “biscuit” in reference to one’s lady garden. Maybe that is an Atlanta thing. Hannah needs to school Catherine in many things.
Lysa, who is Happy’s mother is there name dropping Depak Chopra who personally told her that Azam is Happy’s soulmate. So apparently she is back in on the wedding situation?
When Ashley approaches Catherine and Hannah to come to a cleansing (which is not a cleaning, mind you) of her house, Catherine starts meangirling her. Later she makes a snide comment to Ashley about naked golfing with two guys. Hannah doesn’t want to start a scene at someone’s bridal shower and eases her way toward the champagne.
She does have Ashley over to her home privately though, as real Atlanta women do to have a bit of a chat with her about getting nekkid while golfing with her man. Ashley said she had more clothes on than she wears to the beach. The guys just took their shirts off and she doesn’t see it as a big deal. She is sorry if the situation upset Hannah, but she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong. She’d probably do it again in that situation. Ashley says she is learning to embrace the imperfections of her body. In her talking head, Hannah lets us know that Ashley has had more plastic surgery than Pamela Anderson and that running around on the golf course in a thong teddy is not a feminist statement. Back with Ashley, Hannah begins to very politely say that she respects Ashley and her beliefs….and Ashley gets snippy back as if she has said she is not a godly or religious woman. Ashley is not a very linear thinker. Had she been dressed, or undressed, the way she was at the beach, that would have been more palatable. But there are places where clothing is required and golf courses are one of them. And yet, next week, Ashley has it out for Hannah.
Oh Ashley, I really did try to like you.
Ashley’s house is so cluttered , she’s lucky that whole house didn’t go up in flames.
Ashley is one step away from Grey Gardens.
This is something I have in common with Ashley. If you take out all the skulls and replace them with empty boxes of wine and broken giraffe heads, we are the same person.
Definitely. At least the Edie’s were compelling to watch, she is a shell of a human trying to check off every “how to be a reality tv star” box. And please stop telling us rules of the south and how to be a good southern woman, with that contrived try hard accent- vomit.
I haven’t watched the episode yet and I’m totally confused about who identifies as whom or what, but you’re write up makes me curious enough to watch. So, I guess that’s at least one viewer they can count on for what so far appears to be a real shit of a show.
I was just being a smartass about the names with regard to gender identity. There was a girl named Izzy on Project Runway so I was not expecting this Izzy to be a boy. There the only person named Happy I ever knew was a guy and I didn’t know who was Happy and who was Azam for a bit. The names could go either way. I am cranky and I just needed to know everyone’s names, dammit! 🙂
I can’t with Catherine and Lyle. There is more personality in a rock than in either of those two…painful to sit through their scenes. We need more Nelson and Daniel.
Zero chemistry between them, just dull. Can’t decide who is the beard. Almost makes the Nelson & Daniel pairing interesting.
But when a show spends more time cutting to shots of someones two-tone tennis shoes than on the discussion of their sexless marriage, this is boring. Not even naked ass on the fairway could save it.
I don’t think they are compatible at all. Rewatch the first episode. I think it’s for show. She’s just not that into him as they would have us to believe. She gives him side hugs and I haven’t watched the second episode yet but I don’t recall a kiss either.
I totally agree Bridgett! I love Nelson so much. He’s the only one of the bunch <3
I forgot to include…Happy and Azam were shown last week, but I don’t know if they spoke…but that could be because I can’t tell Happy and Hannah apart. I remember them showing Azam and putting “Happy’s fiance” under his name and me thinking…who the hell is Happy?!
This show is trying too hard and is too painful to watch. It’s mostly going to be about Ashley taking off her clothes. I mean good for her for embracing her surgically modified body but we dont want to see her saggy ass. Catherine look like she is high and drunk most of the time. I turned the recording off of this show. I can’t watch another episode of this show and not going to give them the rating to get another season.
Cook’s sparkling wine at a wedding shower? Some rich people are really cheap, that’s how they got rich, I guess, but none of them would allow it to be shown on national tv. If this was a party by Bravo, someone needs to speak to them about keeping up the illusion of wealth.
I didn’t notice it was Cooks. Isn’t that worse than Korbel? Even I take Veuve to Easter dinner, and I’m poor.
Yep. Definitely worse. The sipped Korbel last episode and they are quickly sliding downhill. My husband was working while I was watching and legit looked at me and said “what is charming about either of these shows”?
Nothing. They are ratchet.
Agreed. One drinks Korbell during the holidays alone on a broken couch, straight from the bottle while crying and rocking back and forth watching Lifetime movies.
Allegedly, How would I know?
Try it in a tumbler. I chuck in a prune and tell myself it’s a sugar plum. And to all a goodnight.
That “golf course” looked to be more of a public park with a couple of par 3 chip and putt holes. Between the power lines running all over, the lack of a woman’s tee and the shoddy landscaping there is absolutely no way that was a “country club”. Ashley is disgusting. She wouldn’t have been permitted to play a course at a country club in that get up.
ITA it was def a public golf course. There was a running track around it as well and it did look super shoddy! NTTAWWT, I play/played on many a public course. My problem comes when you are “pretending” to be something you are not and somewhere you are not. Ashley getting naked all the time plays as a desperate cry for some ding-a-ling. And the chemistry on the screen between her and her husband was painfully awkward; don’t see her getting any at home anytime soon.
I have fallen asleep during the first two episodes of this show, so think I won’t bother in the future. What I did see was mostly Ashley trying so desperately to get male attention that it made me sad. Also think her expensive makeover has made her look 20 years older than her classmates. Sad all over.
Tamara-thanks for the great recap. I wasn’t sure i wanted to invest another hour in a different Southern Charm but crazy Ashley has me hooked. Train wreck.
Did anyone else think Daniel and Azam were the same person until they sat next to each other at dinner? Oops.
There was a Daniel? I can’t keep any of them straight. Except Ashley. She’s then nekkid one
I thought Daniel was the one that picked up the brunette in the car and had to tell her about strip golf. Thank gawd for Tamara and the recap. Had to go back and figure out by the recap.
Guess Daniel is actually Louis who is selling socks. (?)
This show, ugh.
I have to admit I had such high hopes for this show after I decided to stop watching the original Southern Charm, but I’m gravely disappointed. First I had the WORST time trying to remember anyone’s name and so everything was confusing. I also kept getting Ashley’s husband and Hannah’s boyfriend confused (by sight) and for the first half of that abominable strip golf I thought Ashley was with her husband and that other guy. I thought THAT was odd enough, but then when I realized it was Louis and Daniel (am I right that it’s Daniel?) it seemed downright BIZARRE! Without trying to be too judgey it seemed like the set up for a not-great XXX film available on Porn Hub (Strip Golf 2: MILF’s Revenge!) I would have been LIVID if I was Hannah. I can’t figure out that Happy at all, because you are right, TT, she always looks miserable!
Ashley being half naked on the golf course reminds me of that one Seinfeld naked episode… the naked hot chick STRAINING to open a jar. Not all naked is good, girl.
I gave this show fifteen minutes and then I said “F this.” Buh bye Savanna.
Spot on Tamara. The beer bitch that patrols the course my husband plays has a habit of taking her top off. Not cool, but hey, she makes money. I love and trust my husband. No worries. These Bravo shows are really going downhill. I only hope they continue so I can read your commentary. Izzys reaction to his mom saying she loved his dad was hilarious.
I’m trying again. Basically just have on the TV. But, noticed and wondered why they kept showing Ashley’s shoes? White high tops, black polka dots. I kept trying to catch what I thought I was supposed to? Just shoes. Savannah does look gorgeous, must say.
I have now watched two episodes of this horrible show. I’m not sure I’ll watch any more. It just seems like they’re trying too hard. The bearded guy reminds me Ariel Pink of Haunted Graffitti…don’t know why but I’m picking up the same kinda vibe.
I don’t have a problem with Ashley’s wanting to be free of her clothing but I was wondering if any of the guys she was with were in committed relationships. If so, then that is really awkward.
Aeons ago there was a woman in my group that I’ll call “Pam” who found every excuse to take off her clothes. After awhile, we didn’t even notice. if someone new came around and she’d start up with her antics. We’d just tell them to ignore her, lol. I know it seems bizarre and it really was but seriously, you can only see a female like her without their clothes so many times before you get desensitized to it. She was hot, but none of the guys ever took her seriously and honestly, they were the first to holler at her to put her clothes back on. Once we were at a local bar that was fixing to have a wet t shirt contest. Naturally she wanted to enter the contest. When it was her turn, the crowd booed!! Someone hollered out we were tired of seeing her tits. It was actually kind of funny but I did feel kinda bad for her. She was just desperate for attention.
That was a fairly skimpy teddy. So much so that I can’t imagine where she hid the gun she apparently used to force the men to play strip golf with her.
Lol. Hilarious comment. Actually, it seemed to me like the guys were kind of blindsided and didn’t quite know what to do. She was saying something about not knowing what to do and one of the guys was giving her a list of options and it was kind of like (to me) “I don’t care what you do at this point now that you’ve outdone yourself.”
Ffs, who wears a teddy to play golf? Who wears teddies at all anymore? Does anyone sell them anymore? That’s was an 80s/90s thing. That scene was so contrived it was ridiculous. The thirst is strong with this one.
The best was that she was WINNING the entire time -ergo- she gets to keep her clothes on. Then she decides oh hell no I haven’t been golfing in a wedgie for no reason.. I’ll take a piece off..then decides nah I’ll take it ALL off (for no reason) and acts like THEY ASKED her to do it! One of them literally said don’t take the shorts off that’s too much and she was like oh I don’t care -but I’m ONLY doing it for ONE hole guys! Just one! Then i’m putting my shorts back on!! She was BEGGING them to ask her to remove something but shocker- no one did. That was honestly the most desperate 5 min of television that it crossed into genuinely sad territory.
Shanked it.
Nice review. It’s really sad that from all the filming Ashley taking her clothes off is the most compelling footage.. And did they REALLY need to show THAT much of the worlds most boring shower?! Opening not 1 not 2 but several platters… “you can’t even tell its plastic! But it is!!” And yes cooks is the cheapest grossest champagne imatation out there… That’s what highschool hillbillies on the bed of a pickup truck drink out of solo cups on New Year’s Eve. Back to Ashley (since that’s all they are showing us)… I feel bad for her husband I don’t think he knew signing up for this show that she’d be so desperate for air time that she would spill ALL their marriage dirty laundry-in the first 5 min-of the 2nd episode. That’s major desperation there. And no one is forcing her to be the maryter staying in a loveless marriage- from the looks of things he doesn’t seem to be so happy either. And he has to deal with her stripping and jumping into every body of water larger than a sink- at any time of day-during any occasion-kudos. I mean come on, sex or not, this dudes your husband and the father of your kid, you’ve had a relationship for a decade and the slightest chance of becoming a bravolebrity you throw him under the bus. That’s just shitty.
And seriously, does she wear that lace get up under all her outfits?! It’s been in 2 episodes, please retire it.