It’s time to head back to Croatia. If there was ever a day I needed a nice relaxing show about rich people on yachts in a beautiful country with beautiful scenery, it is tonight. Instead, we have Below Deck Mediterranean, where last week Hannah put the moves on Malia to piss of Bobby. She got what she wanted. Bobby is furious. But only because he thinks that Hannah was trashtalking him to Malia. She was too busy sticking her tongue down Malia’s throat to do that.
Bobby’s reaction to being called aggressive by a woman while screaming at said woman was very telling. Clearly, that allegation has been made many times before. Drunken Hannah goes into the head to cry.
The next morning, Malia and Hannah hug it out and chat over bottles of water while assuring us all that they are not bisexual, they are just chicks who make out while drunk. As a chick who has made out with a few chicks while drunk myself, I think there should be a name for that. I shall try and come up with a label. I will need a label that doesn’t start with any of the letters already in play, LGBTTQQIAAP (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual). My first thought is WGW tacked on to the end would be good. Like this, LGBTTQQIAAPWGW. Clearly, that would include those of us who get white girl wasted and make poor choices. Because nothing says like inclusion like a really long ridiculous acronym.
Moving on, Hannah claims she doesn’t remember what happened while talking about everything that happened with Malia. Bobby bitches about Hannah to one of the new guys. Lauren tries to tell the story of how she hooked up with Bobby after meeting him on Instagram and being invited to a taping of WWHL that he was on. He also invited two other girls. She has to tell all of this without mentioning anything we learned in that link, which was one of the most EPIC and DISTURBING episodes of WWHL ever.
The idiot charter guests for this week are the owners of a website that posts nude photos of celebrities. Did I hear that correctly? The depths production goes to in order to secure complete bottom feeders to pay to be on the show is ever sinking. What they lack in morality they more than make up for with ridiculous food requests. They would like an all raw foods diet. Adam, the chef of this three hour tour, would like us to know that not cooking food and making salads is super duper hard. We do get to see him doing his complaining in a gorgeous outdoor market in Croatia. So there is that. Adam seems like a four clean shaven in his uniform; however, with a little scrub and casual clothes in the Farmers Market in Split, Croatia he is a hard eight.
Before the guests arrive, Bobby tries apologize to Hannah. He starts off fine for about two seconds before he begins calling her names. He then starts ranting about Hannah calling him aggressive. Hannah calming tries to explain the aggressive things he was doing. Hannah tells her version of what she said to Lauren. Bobby calls Lauren and says one of them is lying. Lauren is fine with being the liar if that will fix whatever issue Bobby is having enough for them to put the WWHL situation behind them and oh, I dunno, enjoy fucking Croatia? Lauren just wants to go finish the laundry, As she leaves, Bobby yells after her, “Thanks for your support, Lauren. Why don’t you go fuck Ben.” Because, aggressive. Bobby tells us that he took Lauren to an event in Fort Lauderdale and Lauren went home with Ben. Why on earth is he saying that? Wasn’t Ben with whatsherbritches then anyway? Both Hannah and Lauren were very indifferent to Bobby anger and that pissed him off even more. The boy is starting to remind me of the kid that Kenya dated with anger issues.
Well now…Lauren is facetiming with her “boyfriend” who just so happens to be Ben. All I have heard was that Bemily was still a thing and they have their own cooking thing doing something or another. I see this as just another attempt for Ben to get a paid episode without actually doing the show. Is this a real romance or something producer driven? Lauren says that Bobby called her out for hooking up with Ben.
At the same time, Bobby calls his mama crying on Facetime. I can’t believe they drag the mamas into this face story line. Bobby is a bad fake crier. He would never make it as a housewife.
There is a pescatarian, a gluten free, a raw fooder, and a vegan on this cruise. I say just do us all a favor and drown them all at sea.
Bugs gets news that her grandmother has passed away. Captain Sandy is so good at comforting Bugs. Bugs was so proud of her for following her dreams and yachting. I think Bugs will stay.
The douchebags finally arrive. I recall getting really irritated with the crew on Below Deck being abusive to the guests. And I still feel like it was not professional of them. But I hate these people and they are non on the boat yet. I am going out of my way not to mention the website. Thanks in advance for doing the same in comments.
This is the nicest boat of any season by a mile. It’s jaw droppingly beautiful.
The douchebags tell all the girls the brought to get naked so they can tape them. Douchebag one asks douchebag two if his wife is okay with all of this. Douchebag one says he doesn’t give a shit. It would not be a Bravo show without the misogyny.
Later that night, Malia and Bobby bond over stories about shitting in their pants. I am not making this up.
I can’t really stand to recap any of the crap the douchebags and their nekkid chicks are discussing.
After the douchebags are in bed, Lauren pulls Bobby aside to try to placate him into leaving her alone and letting her enjoy her fantastic opportunity. Sorry Lauren. Bravo will try to make you as miserable as possible. As soon as she points out that the whole thing is stupid and that he is a “31-year-old grown ass man” Bobby storms off.
After last week, when the whole stern tie plan went to shit, Captain Sandy wants to try it again. This time it works.
Then there is a plumbing issue in the kitchen and the winds pick up and start pulling to boat into the cliffs. Because it is always something.
Next week: Death seems imminent concerning the cliff situation. And Wes may be the first to die. NOT WIZ! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT WIZ! HE’S MY FAVORITE!
I am not going to watch Below Deck Med because of Bobbi. I think you could do better with the
crew than him. His language is awful and temper is out of control.
Very bad temper……
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this show for the scenery. Enough said. T! I know you concurr.
I do but am I the only one who noticed the subtle production shade or perhaps obsession this the cast’s asses? There was like TEN SECONDS of Croatia and then the cast’s asses in underwear for the other fifty seconds of “setting the stage…
Agree. A lot of our asses would look like that if we choose to eat carrots and work out all day. Personally I like to eat and drink a few beers and carry a few extra pounds.. trust me it’s well worth it!
There used to be a ‘?’ in that acronym that kind of covered WGW. WGW won’t do, as we know from watching Atlanta, BGW can also make some errors in judgement. I was thinking bicurious, but the ‘naked wasted’ phenomena is slightly different from that also. Back to the ‘?’ to cover the curious about everything category. thanks for the recap, thanks for not mentioning the ghastly website also, love how you do this.
WGW is not limited to white girls. Plenty of black girls get white girls wasted too.
What about HW?
Horny Wasted? Fits housewives too 😉
Bobby is a pussy who doesn’t realize that Malia is NOT flirting when she describes shitting her pants to him. That is something even beyond Friendville.
Did anyone mention that poor girl that was almost sliced to death by the glass falling that was supposed to be “fixed??” And Bobby I’m sorry but going to a class to learn CPR doesn’t make you a doctor that can “medically clear”someone as he said he was trying to do by insisting he run in on this poor girl naked. He’s such a fucking creep I can’t stand it.
I have to defend this, not to defend Bobby per se, but to defend the firefighters and EMTs I’ve known. They are more trained than just a “class to learn CPR”.
However, he had already assessed her and presumably she wasn’t bleeding so profusely that she couldn’t go shower. At that point, she has the right to refuse medical assistance even through proxy (Hannah). That is where he really was inappropriate.
Bobby is a firefighter and EMT. That’s a tiny bit more than a CPR class. An EMT is what you get if you call 911. He clearly went into EMT mode when the accident happened. He would have done the same for anyone else on the yacht regardless of the sex. Give the guy a break. Same thing as if he was anywhere else and witnessed an accident.
Bobby will be the reason I stop watching. He’s too weird.
He’s a manchild. He gets aggressive when he doesn’t get what he wants…who speaks like that to a woman?
He is the worst. Its as if he thinks he’s checked the boxes on some list, (muscles, firefighter, a few tats), and believes that makes him a unicorn in the dating pool. And if you don’t adore him, you’re the one missing his perfect snowflake-ness.
I’ve got the acronym DCMO, drunk chicks making out. What do you think about it? It does have a nice ring to it. I can’t watch Bobby since last season when they showed him with his finger up his nose and his asshole ways. It’s 100 times worse this season. I hope it’s his and Hannah’s last season. What happened to having real guests on? Like the nice group of southern ladies from a few seasons back?
I dig it…reminds me of the car commercial “WEBECEDBO” LOL i don’t know how they spell it..
Ben tweeted that he and Emily were on a time out when this happened. Back together now though.
I don’t believe Lauren and Ben were ever a thing. There is ALWAYS some sort of fake storyline to get Ben on the show in some way.
If a fella acted the way Hannah did when going after Malia? Quite aggressive to say the least. That whole whatever that was was uncomfortable and awkward to watch – Hannah’s a complex character and comes across extremely territorial and frankly, not one with the best of intentions. Give me Captain Lee and his crew, minus Hannah, any day!
I agree with you! Hannah is a jerk! Can’t stand her accent or personality!
Lauren is a crazy reality star fu*ker. She hooks up with Bobby through instragram and when he introduces her to Ben… then hooks up with Ben. It was creepy how she kept saying “I miss you!” to Ben is her sing songy voice until he said it back. She’s bat shit crazy I tell ya!
One more thing! In her private talk with Hannah she supported Hannah’s version of the “what she said about Bobby” conversation. In her private talk with Bobby she supported his version. She’s psycho! Emily better watch out.
Exactly she is creating a shit show !
Totally with you on Lauren.
“Because nothing says inclusion like a really long ridiculous acronym.” Laughed out loud at that one
WWSBW – women who swing both ways
LPD – lady pond dippers
I love Captain Sandy. She is a bad ass!
Who drags bottom because she cannot master anchoring and needs to get a grip. No weigh! How many knots? She rocks alright. Into them.
Bobby needs women to.validate him because he has low self esteem. He’s a misogynistic butt hole. Why wouldn’t Lauren want to be with Ben? He has his moments, but at least he likes women.
Hannah and Malia are a mess! I thought there was a no hooking up with subordinates policy on the boat. I’m fighting a fever today so I may have heard Captain Sandy wrong.
Looks like the anchor issue is Below Med’s version of Captain Lee struggling to clear that narrow outlet from port lol
I do see how the hell the chain can get that knotted up…
Just finished watching the episode. Bobby really is the absolute worst. I’d hate for him to become fish bait one day. He needs to smarten up. It’s funny that y’all saw Hannah going after Malia cause it appeared to me that it was Malia that went after Hannah. I think the whole anchoring vs rocks thing is hokey and getting old and it kinda bugs me and I have to remind myself it’s not real and they have to have a little yacht drama thrown into the mix.
Every time I watch this show I think how awesome it would be to be able to go work and not wear shoes all the time. Stupid, but that’s what I think when I see them running around without shoes.
The guy from that website used to be on Howard Stern all the time. They’ve obviously branched out, but it used to be mainly a database where you could look up what actress you wanted to see naked, and the web site would tell you not only the movie, but exactly how many minutes into the movie the nudity occurs. Oh, and there was an extended discussion of the quality of the woman’s body. Pretty great, huh?
As soon as I laid my eyes on those folks all I saw were pigs. And Stern and his old side kick Robin are pigs as well. Personally I believe anyone associated with Stern and his productions are pigs. They perpetuate misogynistic attitudes toward females and encourage others to do the same. This is a touchy subject with me and I cut no slack for the folks that enable that kind of evil or look the other way, They are also complicit in my eyes. My situation was bad enough but it was nothing compared to what others have endured. It’s an evil that exists among the powerful and elite of the world, all the way down to the ladies on street corners in sketchy neighborhoods.
I would really, really like to go to Croatia. That market alone sort of makes me want to move there.
Bobby is a world class dickhead. So, he’s a former ugly duckling now suffering from roid rage, right? Huh. IMO.
No Captain Lee just feels wrong.
Croatia is beautiful; we (husband and I) went for a couple of weeks several years ago and will visit again next year when we go to Germany for an event. We spent our time in Zagreb but will go to Dubrovnik on the Adriatic in 2018. The folks who live there like Americans and most speak a little English, If you try to learn and speak some Croatian they are pleased 🙂
Meeting Zagreb the racehorse is my closest tie.
Bobby is a walking hard on, and sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. He’s a damn child. A poor excuse for a man. Shameful.
Okay .. let’s get past the Bobby and Hannah issues. I also would like to see more of Croatia. I want to see ; land trips and fun places to visit. Hopefully the “guests” will improve in the rest of the season. Maybe Bravo decided to have all the naked women in the beginning to get viewers hooked? Who knows?
More Beach Parties… more beautiful dinners. I wish I had someone to iron and fold my sheets and laundry. Let’s get some roasted meat on the beach. Sick of the vegans.
I totally agree! Ugly Bobby is annoying! Too aggressive and think he is in charge.