I am so excited for this show! I love Croatia and am dying to see as much of it as we possibly can. I am not so thrilled that Bobby and Hannah are back, but I love Captain Sandy already and tonight is going to be all about Captain Sandy putting Hannah in her place. I am off to a bit of a late start because The Voice was really good tonight. My arch nemesis Erica is doing the recaps again this season and I look forward to her upcoming recap that will probably be horribly wrong. I wish you guys would watch so we could gang up on her together! In the meantime, we will talking quietly amongst ourselves about Hunter’s balls. Um, on to Below Deck!
We start off in Spilt, Croatia and I am already mesmerized. Also, I may have to throw over that Popcorn and Vodka chick on Twitter for my new lesbian crush, Captain Sandy. She’s already lecturing Hannah on not tainting her hard fought reputation in the yacht industry with her shenanigans. Another beautiful woman is the Sirocco. I think this is my favorite vessel yet. That said, the closets are all disastrous.
Adam is the hot chef this year. Bunking with him is Wes, the bosun. Adam has already offended the captain, and me by thinking she was the first mate. She says she is not offended. That is because she knew the script ahead of time.
I’m already sick of hearing Hannah say Bob baay. Bob baay says that he and Lauren, one of the stews, had a short fling and he recommended her to Bravo. The fling ended and now they are working together. What could possibly go wrong here? For starters, there is Malia the super hot female deckhand.
When Captain finds out that Hannah is not going to be ready on schedule, she offers to help clean. Because they are all one team. Captain is also very serious about rest for the staff. She wants to set a 9 pm end time. Or as Hannah calls it, at curfew.
The first guests are an insane amount of women who are fitness freaks with a billion food issues.
The second stew has been a Chief Stew and it would not shock me if Hannah doesn’t make it through the entire season. I don’t have spoilers for this season other than this. But that is for the Caribbean now that I look at it. The production boat for Below Deck has sunk TWICE in two seasons!
I’m confused how Captain Sandy is a “boss at docking” when she is just standing on the deck and not at the helm. That’s a bit odd.
Speaking of odd, I always find it insane that the crew is pissed that the guests are up until the wee hours of the morning expecting service. Even with the taping discount, this little jaunt is costing tens of thousands of dollars for the experience, and then a five figure “tip.” Someone should be up round the clock to make drinks or hold their hair while they puke as necessary. On the other hand, I so get not serving expresso martinis and using decaf instead. Every bartender knows how to manage the drunks. At three am, the non meat eaters order nachos with all the meats.
Captain Sandy is kind of micromanagery. And by kinda micromanagery I mean SUPER micromanagery. I can’t imagine Captain Lee cleaning rooms and teaching crew how to drive the tender.
I paused for a second to go to Twitter for some reason and then forgot what I went for because, dementia or wine or something and there one of the most beautiful women in the world who plays Gabi on American Crime is tweeting to me. I might just fall over before I finish this. OH MY GOD. She said she reads here all the time “Come for the tea, stay for the shade.” I mean I just can’t I am fangirling out so hard right now.
Um where were we?
There it is. Hannah doesn’t know if she will last the season with this Captain. Praise the Lord! Or the script. This was obvious all along.