Today, there are a whole bunch of idiots stranded on and Island in the Bahamas. It was named “Fyre Island” for the purposes of a beach party. Today Twitter is having a good old time mocking these fools, and I am missing all the fun of mocking them myself because I’ve spent a few hours looking for a story that apparently I never wrote. As it turns out I had this interesting story from a really good source and until I found the timeframe I really thought I had posted it here. This story started in December of 2016. I wasn’t really able to focus on the site much that month, or the month after as I was dealing with security, death and law. Let us not think of that.
I really do recall saving the photo above and trying to figure out how to explain the information I had at that time. I remember thinking I should put it in a blind item. Perhaps I did a few months later but I just can’t seem to find it. There are really two parts to this story.
Back in December of 2016, Elsa Hosk, Hannah Ferguson, Paulina Vega, Gizele Oliveira, Rose Bertram, Emily Ratajkowski, Bella Hadid, Alessandra Ambrosio Kendall Jenner and a few other Instamodels began posting provocative photos of themselves in tiny bikinis on the non-existent “Fyre Island.” They didn’t say much about it other than it was a luxurious place of beauty in the Bahamas. To me, the story at that time was there were a bunch of girls on a yacht with older men.
I was talking to a source I keep in regular contact with and he was explaining to me that a certain foreign born man and his ex-wife and is current fiance all run a yacht girl company where they book young ladies to look attractive on yachts owned by rich men when they throw parties. I am so sure this was a blind item before, but since I can’t find it, that is the blind item that I would have run at the time. Apparently, this is a lucrative business that is both literally and figuratively an off-shore business that caters to European men. All transactions and sponsored events occur outside of the United States.
Shortly after the Instamodels rolled around naked in the sand and posed for professional photos and posted about Fyre on Instagram, people started searching for Fyre and landed on the “exclusive party event coming soon.” Weren’t they smart and lucky for finding that place.
— FyreFestivalFraud (@FyreFraud) April 27, 2017
If you sent your money quickly, you could get reduced price weekend tickets. Those people got shared tents and no special treatment for $950 . Later those tickets would be $1,500. The most expensive tickets I saw were for a $9,000 package with four double beds in one tent. Then there were all sorts of VIP additions. At that time I don’t think they even had the musical guests in place.
Just a couple weeks ago, Vogue.com wrote a story about the event calling it the new Cochella
Sure, the music—Pusha T, Tyga, and Desiigner will be joining Major Lazer, Disclosure, Blink-182, Migos, and Lil Yachty—and the models—Kendall Jenner, Alessandra Ambrosio, Bella Hadid, Hailey Baldwin, Emily Ratajkowski, Elsa Hosk, Lais Ribeiro, and Hannah Ferguson, to name a few—make the case for a visit. But this Bahamian escape isn’t just about the famous faces. If you find yourself there with a ticket in hand, you’ll also find yourself among some of the most incredible beaches and waters in the world. Fyre Festival set out to provide a once-in-a-lifetime musical experience on the Islands of the Exumas.
Oh Vogue, you are no longer the fashion bible. I’m sorry. Someone has needed to tell you that for a long time. Pre-Kardashian even. Nothing in that piece was true.
The reality is the island is over run with people with little food. Did I mention this is the same place that has wild pigs and packs of feral dogs? The tents, what few of them there are actually set up are completely empty. The “VIP meals” are two slices of bread, two slices of cheese product and some lettuce. There is no electricity, no plumbing, no food, and very little shelter from the sun unless you claimed a tent. Oh and it has been raining the whole time so if you actually dragged a mattress of the giant pile and dragged it to a tent yourself, they are all wet.
So basically some rich kids are getting to experience what really nice refugee camps are like. At least there is no one trying to shoot them or bomb them. There seems to be some sort of issue involving planes not being able to leave the island.
But don’t worry my pretties! Ja Rule is somehow the event promoter and he is asking that you just trust him to send in charter jets to evacuate you, and do not attempt to make your own arrangements. Because he is super good at making arrangements for you. Also those tents are actually left over disaster relief tents, so they are quite sturdy!
Here is what remains on the Fyre Site
Due to circumstances out of our control, the physical infrastructure was not in place on time and we are unable to fulfill on that vision safely and enjoyably for our guests. At this time, we are working tirelessly to get flights scheduled and get everyone off of Great Exuma and home safely as quickly as we can. We ask that guests currently on-island do not make their own arrangements to get to the airport as we are coordinating those plans. We are working to place everyone on complimentary charters back to Miami today; this process has commenced and the safety and comfort of our guests is our top priority.
The festival is being postponed until we can further assess if and when we are able to create the high- quality experience we envisioned.
We ask for everyone’s patience and cooperation during this difficult time as we work as quickly and safely as we can to remedy this unforeseeable situation. We will continue to provide regular updates via email to our guests and via our official social media channels as they become available.
-The Fyre Festival Team
This is just hysterical to me. The PHYSICAL INFRASTRUCTURE was not in place in time. They had no idea…I mean how could they be expected to keep up with such details?
There are actually clueless idiots on the Facebook account last I checked trying to buy tickets for Weekend II.