60 Days In: The Marine Test

If I were just watching this show and not recapping it, I’d be thrilled with back to back episodes. But I am recapping it so I am going to try to be a bit less chatty if at all possible. And I am warning you now, the later it gets the worse my using the wrong word and typo issues become. I’m not even hitting the bottle this week, tonight’s beverage is green tea. My brain just ain’t wantin’ to work right. (Hey Tami!)  Let’s do this! 

South Annex

Editing is so damn dramatic on this show. When production comes in to check on Mauri, she seems fine and a couple of girls are in the pod with her. One is apparently crying because the other girls keep picking on Mauri. Production leaves without pulling Mauri because she seems fine.

Later we see her sitting at the table crying. She has not been able to speak to her mother the entire time. She has no idea she is in there because either her step father or her mama’s boyfriend or somebody used to work for FCJ and knows a lot of folks there. Because Mauri is close to tapping out, they have brought in her mother.

One of Michelle’s cell mates comes in with a cup full of pills. There must be ten of them. Does no one take their meds in this jail? Michelle passed on that round as far as we know, but later we see Michelle wanting to buy something to help her sleep. Colonel Mark is clearly pissed about this. He says if she gets caught by a CO she would be faces charges. Colonel Mark, there is ZERO chance under your current system that Michelle is going to get caught. They have been counting out pills in this cell every night and doing lines every night in a cell right in front of a camera. Have a seat, Colonel Mark. Ask for a Xanax, Michelle. They make it seem like Michelle didn’t take the Seroquel but I’m thinking she did.

They show her two hours later and she is still not asleep after taking the antipsychotic drug. I should point out Sydney is sitting there playing cards wide awake as well and she took the other one. Soon they realize that they have no idea what they took and it was probably just a Tylenol. Michelle says Tiny rips off the white girls because they are stupid. Michelle and Sydney are both pissed so they are not going to pay Tiny in commissary tomorrow. Hey Tiny, drug dealing 101, never front the drugs, girl. Sydney, and by extension Michelle are very well liked in the pod. The word has spread that Tiny is pushing fake pills. She is going to be shut down. Tiny doesn’t even try to hit anyone up for their meds the next day. Sydney and Michelle get some real pills and do lines. Michelle says it is to keep her cover.

500

Nate, Calvin and Matt

Calvin is surviving just fine being Too Tall’s mini convenience store. Nate, the one who thought it would be cute to slip out of his restraints on last week’s little field trip, has taken this moment in time to give Calvin the “Man Up, Son!” lecture about Too Tall. I admit, I’m still pissed at Nate for ruining a perfectly good field trip, but we are in the home stretch dude. Just leave Calvin alone at this point. He may not get to eat mayonnaise on his sandwiches, but he’s still got teeth! Just leave well enough alone.

In a very strange turn of events, all three of our guys decide to stay in their respective cells for the morning social hour or whatever and sleep or read or whatever. This will turn out to be a really great decision. Because out in gen pop, Lyndell is a new guy who is telling everyone he is a Marine. He’s not. Inmate Rob knows he is not and wants to beat his ass for saying it. Nate and Matt are both Marines and if they hadn’t opted to be locked down they would have been right in the middle of what is about to go down.  And what is about to go down is…Lyndell. Because Rob has some serious PTSD.  Matt has been the one keeping him steady in jail. Matt can’t help him right now. Nate talks to Too Tall through the door because Too Tall is always trying to be in the middle of drama. Nate wants to make sure Tall takes Rob’s side.

While even Rob has apparently let things drop. Nate and Matt have not left their cells and they are festering about the whole thing. Matt’s plan is to stay away from Lyndell so he doesn’t catch a real charge. Nate on the other hand is writing out seven questions that Lyndell’s life will depend on. During the afternoon recess, Nate goes out, Rob stays in. Nate goes looking for Lyndell. Matt is out too, playing cards minding his own business. Nate keeps following Lyndell, who is an older guy missing a lot of teeth, and asking him a lot of questions.  Finally someone steps to Nate on Lyndell’s behalf. Another guy says he will fight Nate if he needs someone to fight, but leave the old man alone. He starts shouting “Fuck the Marines, Fuck the Navy!” to take the heat off of Lyndell.  The first guy that stepped to Nate started saying, “I’m a Marine! Push up on me and see what happens.” Nate shuts the fuck up for a minute.

Then Calvin takes the opportunity to stand up for Nate. This makes the issue a little less racial. Calvin explained that Nate was just protecting the Marine name. Then the Marine Test comes into play. A decision is made for Matt to take the Marine test to prove that the test works. This could totally backfire. The test is very simple and Matt passes with flying colors. So now the guys decide to give Lyndell the test. Lyndell fails. The zone acknowledges that Lyndell is not a Marine. Lyndell does not get a beat down. Everyone is happy. But was that really necessary? If Abby Lee Miller goes to prison next week and tells everyone she was the 2009 Sports Illustrated  Model of the Year and there is a real Sports Illustrated model at Camp Cupcake would she really bother pointing out Abby is lying?

Who gets punished for this? Calvin that’s who. Colonel Mark yanks Calvin out of 500 to move him to 600. Calvin doesn’t know what the hell is going on but Too Tall wants all of his table when he leaves. Everyone is on lockdown so that boy better just take his stuff and go. The CO tells him he is not going home and he needs to just get his stuff and come on with him. So he does.

Colonel Mark is going to take Calvin, who is protected where he is by the other participants and the bloods and throw him into Don’s bed with the fakeass Jon Thomas who is stealing everyone’s shit. This is a really stupid plan. Captain Maples and Sheriff Noel need to come talk to this dude. He’s trying to get both of the dudes killed. You know Don is gonna have to kill Too Tall. Is that your plan Colonel? Because that is my prediction. I like Don. Why are you doing him like this?

With all due respect, Colonel Mark, Don is in no way being moved over into Too Tall’s pod to be a positive influence. When has Don been a positive influence on anyone so far? Don is going over there to hurt somebody, and I’m guess you want it to be Too Tall. I see you, Colonel Mark.  All I am saying is Don better not be in jail right now.

600

Don and Jon

We can’t be that close to the end because the Colonel is going to move Don to 500. This seems like a ridiculous idea because our perception of 500 is that it is the place run by the teen gang of thugs rolling up on people for a packet of mayo.

Just to confuse me and mess with my poor facial recognition skills, they have moved in a white boy named Jon who looks a lot like our Jon into the cell with Don. Our Jon at least has a beard for me to go by. New Jon has been moved into Don’s cell because he was fighting in his old zone. So clearly, Don is a great person to match him with. Sigh.

New Jon makes a point to come talk to Our Jon about his military service. They bond and giggle. Okay it’s New Jon that is the giggler. There is something very churchy about New Jon. New Jon is putting on some kind of act. Anyway, the thing is they are both named Jon Thomas according to their ID bands anyway. Yet another reason New Jon has no business in this zone. I immediately dislike New Jon.

Our Jon calls his wife and tells her that there are now two Jon Thomas’ in his pod. She says that is where the $50 she put on his books went. So Our Jon calls New Jon over to talk to his wife. No! Just let it go! Our Jon tells New John what happened. WHY? Of course New Jon spent the money when he was on the other floor. Then Our Jon says he doesn’t want this to get out in the jail because it will make him look weak. Then keep your damn mouth shut, Jon!

Our Jon they are now saying had a concussion when he ran into the stairs two weeks ago. He has been receiving pain meds. He was asleep when the med cart came and was woken up by an inmate just as the cart was leaving. While he was sleeping, New Jon Thomas went over and took his meds. This is not good.

Next Week: Suddenly, they are able to shake down the female pod for drugs. Funny how that happens. Was Mauri gone by the time all of that went down? Bernard, Matt’s cellmate has a joint. Will Matt smoke it with him? Fake Jon shuts someone in their cell during a recess.