Catfish: Kailani & Sam

Well this show looks a lot more interesting than last week’s already.  The email comes from a gay guy named Melvin who was in a cyber relationship with a guy named Sam. Sam displayed all the usual signs of a catfish, no video chatting, could never meet, attempts to meet up thwarted by major events, etc. So classic catfish. Melvin dumped Sam. Then Sam started talking to his friend Kailani and now they are in love. How cute. How random. How desparate.

The guys go meet Kailani. She is 23 and divorced. She got married and divorced all while she was 23. The guy she was with was leading multiple lives and was engaged to someone else when they got married. Sam was the guy who comforted her throughout the entire situation with her husband. Sam would be on the phone with her all night, but he never has the time to meet him in person. Kailani apparently has a thing for twatwaffles. Sam has an Instagram with tons of photos of himself and he’s goodlooking. Nothing good will come of this. Kailani has already told Sam the guys from Catfish are coming over. For that reason, they decide to skip the investigation and just ask him to meet. He says no, he is too busy studying. Apparently, he lives in town too. 

The guys decide to go research the dude to see if they can figure anything out and talk to her again the next day. As for home decor, the house the 23-year-old lives in is beautiful so it likely either isn’t hers or she has moved back in with her parents. I think this girl just wants to be on TV. Oh and did I mention, Melvin and Kailani compared dick pics of Sam and the penises did not match? That was probably my favorite part.

At the rudimentary Google investigation held this week at an Italian restaurant were three single women sat at three random tables pretending not to be eavesdropping, the guys found the real social media account for the guy with all the hot photos. He was en route home but promised to facetime with them in a few minutes when he got there. The guys hopped over to Kailani’s so she could see the evidence as well. I really hope they show him the dick pics and have him identify which if any are his.  They did not.

Sam is copying everything that Dom does. Sam is also catfishing other girls. The guys call Sam again and leave a message asking him to meet up with them and then they leave Kailani’s to see if he calls back. Before they get too far, Kailani calls and says that Sam is taking an uber to her house and she needs them to come back right away because she doesn’t want to meet same alone. So they go rushing back and beat Sam to the house.

As it turns out, Sam is trying a little bit too hard to be male. Sam appears to be transgender, but no one wants to ask. Sam says he (she?) isn’t really into guys and was just testing the waters with Melvin. Like that is a thing. He says the his relationship with the other girl was nothing. He has a weird voice. They call it a day and plan to talk again tomorrow.

The next day, Sam looks even more like a girl. I think I missed a scene. When I rewind there is a scene where Sam wants to talk to the guys alone before they go see Kailani. And there it is, Sam is Samantha. She is transitioning and her family doesn’t know because they would not accept it. Sam was testing the waters to be sure that he wanted to be male. He is in love with Kailani. He was just worried she would not accept him. The guys take Sam to Kailani’s house.

Kailani says she would have accepted him either way, but he took it too far. If it were anyone else I would not believe her. Kailani says she wants to be friends for awhile. They hug it out.

Two months later, Kailani has a boyfriend and doesn’t speak to Sam. Kailani needs someone to tell her to stop hooking up with every man she comes across. Two months later, she is already hooked up with someone else. A UPS guy. Do you know what those UPS guys do? They deliver packages. If you know what I mean.