I just got in the door from Easter with family and friends and am really late getting started. I think the REAL reason this reunion is four damn episodes long isn’t because is it SUCH A DRAMATIC reunion. I think it is because they wanted something to air on Easter Sunday without any of the interesting stuff. I am expecting this to be a dud, but I still tried to get home to recap it.
I love when they show the beginning when they have 6 people trying to get them presentable to the public, but I do wish they would show the RHOA arriving to the taping like they do the west coast girls. I do have to say that Kandi and Kenya both look great with a normal amount of makeup on, but I am not that confident in some of the right couch women looking good without all that.
Kandi is in the hotseat for the first time ever. On the right couch, Frick and Frack are all buddy buddy. That will change in a few hours. Andy asks Sheree if she has any bones with her. Get it? She was the bone carrier all season. Andy treats Sheree like he used to treat Kenya. I’m just fine with that.
Speaking of Andrew, he is the only person that enjoys all the trips the housewives the boob doctors, the vagina waxers, the enema cleanses and the vaginal egg activities. He does an entire montage of things we didn’t want to see the first time. Kandi announces she had her breasts lifted after having Ace. So Kenya is the only one without fake boobs. Allegedly.
I can’t possibly talk about Moore Manor and Chateau Sheree any more. Sheree is still trying to claim she lives at Chateau Sheree. She does not. She lies. She claims her kitchen appliances are in. They are not. Not in the main kitchen. I know who installs that stuff, and it has not been done. Kenya calls out the cheap tile in the entryway. Kenya brings up all of Sheree’s liens. Sheree tries to say Kenya has liens. She does not. Also she wants to talk about bathrooms for the contractors. Yes, Sheree, the neighbors were so happy you had porta potties on your property for YEARS. Good job. When Andy asks if she has paid all of her contractors she replies, “the ones who should be paid, yes.” Oh so not true. If you click here you will find that there are so many contractors (and the IRS) with liens on her property that they are attempting to band together to force the sale of the house to get their payments. All of this is in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, our official newspaper, outlined in great detail. And she just sits of there and lies about it.
Sheree tries to claim that Kenya has an African put the down payment on her house. She just makes things up out of thin air, this one. If my mama had bought my house I don’t think I’d be making up shit about how other people bought theirs. Kenya got a great deal on that house and is very good with money. Unlike Sheree who doesn’t pay for services and violates contracts all over town. Porsha then comes for Kenya saying that she tried to tell the guy that her car was wrecked so that he would give her money for another one. This bullshit is coming from the woman who slept with half of Atlanta to get her car. She must think that is the only way women get nice things. And if you wreck a car, a guy doesn’t buy you a new one your insurance company does. This bitch doesn’t even know how to make up credible lies. Ain’t she friends with Phaedra? She should have learned something from her. Too late now, she’s going to realized how Phrack Phucked her Phat Ass over here in a bit.
The fact that we know by the time this is over, Andy finally gets that Phaedra is a fraud makes this Phaedra portion of the reunion hilarious. At this point Andy seems to think Phaedra is a charitable, religious person who has a sincere in helping her community. Oh Andy, you are so naïve. Kandi literally laughs while Phaedra is spewing bullshit. Phaedra digs a deeper and deeper hole for herself. She thinks that God can heal her relationship with Kandi. Phaedra pretends like she stays in touch with the kids in Flint. Kenya lies about staying in a hotel in Michigan. They all did. Kenya has Bravo amnesia.
Kenya calls Phaedra a liar. Phaedra slandered Kenya with all sorts of things including saying she drinks like a fish. Kenya almost NEVER drinks on the show. The only person who drinks less than Kenya is Kandi and she doesn’t drink at all. What is going on with Frick and Frack and all of these bizarre allegations out of left field? Kenya says that Phaedra has been the most boring person on the show since she got there. Phaedra says, “Well you keep screwing the same old man in the back of the truck girl.” I swear, Frick and Frack are slinging the most bizarre things tonight. Phaedra who was ALLEGEDLY screwing a Apollo fresh out of prison on a mattress on the ground in his hovel with his ankle bracelet on is really saying this stuff? Seriously. These to throw shade that doesn’t remind us all about what they have done.
Kenya brings up that Phaedra is two different people she is the freak ho in real life and pretends to be a “southern belle” (don’t get me started on a black woman calling herself a southern belle) in front of the cameras. Kandi has already said the same thing about Phaedra tonight. Phaedra was caught this season when she was telling Porsha and Sheree that Kandi and Shamea are fucking. She knew she was miked but the crew was on a break and the camera shot it through the window when she didn’t know she was being filmed. We are spending way too much time on conflict between Kenya and Phaedra. Andy seems to be supporting Kenya in this long drawn out segment.
On to Porsha’s “anger management.” We get the scene that Porsha runs out into traffic rather than talk about her “anger management.” Porsha says she is still going to therapy. No one believes her. Porsha wants to blame her angry outburst on Kenya. Kenya says looking back it was a poor decision on her part to go outside after Porsha when she left. A viewer asks Phaedra why she didn’t back Porsha up during the anger management argument. Phaedra basically says because she is too ladylike to cause a scene in a public restaurant. No really. She said that. Porsha tries to make excuses for Phaedra leaving her out to dry. Kandi has had enough and outright asks Porsha why she keeps on making excuses for Phaedra when she clearly doesn’t have her back. Porsha doesn’t know what to say. Kandi turns to Andy later and tells him this will be important later, so don’t forget that she asked Porsha about Phaedra not having her back. That is episode four drama that we have to wait a whole damn month for.
Andy read two questions that Porsha’s mama wrote in saying that Kenya and Kandi are the ones with anger management issues. Kandi says “don’t start none won’t be none.” Porsha says that no matter what someone says you should not pop off on them. I can’t. The theme of the night is Frick and Frack accusing other people of shit they do. It’s insane to me. Porsha starts screaming at Kandi for not believing that she goes to anger management. Wait, I thought she wasn’t going to give people that power. She hasn’t taken four breaths since those words came out of her mouth. Now she is saying that no one wants to celebrate her for going to anger management. Who asks to be celebrated for anything let alone getting help for their issues with assaulting people? I would probably be really irritated right now. But I know that in the final episode the entire right couch is going to be outed. So whatever. Kandi says she has always supported Porsha. She gave $5,000 to her on Celebrity Apprentice. Porsha says that doesn’t count because it’s charity. Really? It benefited you on the show that you wanted to stay on. Kandi points this out saying she wanted to see Porsha win on the show. Porsha starts talking about Kandi trying to buy her. Oh please Porsha. Kenya was right. She needs to say this again on this reunion.
And it ends there.
Next week: Phaedra presents her divorce filed under fake names as evidence. Which is hysterical and invalid. Kenya talks about Sheree mocking abuse and Matt’s scary behavior. Kandi and Phaedra argue.
They show Porsha losing her mind when Kandi confronts her about accusing her of being a rapist. But that is episode 4 not next week. They will tease that episode at the end of every single episode in between.