By Guest Contributor Becky J.
I’m late for the #RHOP party this week because I’ve been on vacation. I’m embarrassed to admit that coming home to my recliner and loaded DVR is almost as much fun as my trip. I needed that aromatherapy massage to face the first scene of Gizelle curling her dirty hair. What? She told us last episode that her hair is only good on Thursdays after the salon! Clearly this was filmed on a Wednesday.
She’s FaceTiming with her new kinda-boyfriend, Kevin, who she refers to as a “safe bet” cuz that’s romantic. Later, they go on a date and he is super shiny and jokingly tries to order a “Bill Cosby” (too soon/too sleazy). Gizelle’s dating life is boring and desperate. She says she just wants somebody with a few dollars to take her “outta this whole dating game” (Read: crappy rental house). Proof that winning the genetic lottery in the looks department and spending some money to stay well-preserved can only take you so far.
Karen and her mole are rattling around her big empty house, wearing full makeup and lashes with a ballcap. She leaves a pathetic, rambling voicemail for her daughter Rayven, who is away at college. A clip from last season shows Rayven obviously DYING to escape from her mother. I don’t blame her.
Then we’re at Ashley and Michael’s restaurant, Oz. Ashley is behind the bar pouring a couple of shots and oversharing about her daddy issues to a customer/cameraman. Total shocker since she’s married to a dude with kids her age. Despite the creepy husband, I still find Ashley to be one of the more relatable cast members. At least she doesn’t immediately make me want to rip my own face off to avoid watching. So, then Robyn and Charrisse roll up.
Ashley tries to sell them on the emu and camel meat and Charisse is suddenly a vegetarian. Over “dinner” the topic of this week’s charity event comes up. Because. Potomac. Turns out it’s Katie Rost’s long-lost Casino Royale party. Arrrgh! Just when I thought we were rid of crazy Katie. Charrisse complains that she tried to help plan the event and I’m lit-erally almost asleep because this storyline was boring last season and now it’s downright stale.
The conversation bounces off the Charrisse/Gizelle feud and shifts quickly to Charrisse announcing dramatically that she’s going to be getting a divorce. Ashely and Robyn pretend to be surprised and sympathetic. Hasn’t Charrisse announced she was splitting up from her husband on every other episode for the entire life of the show? The bright spot is Charrisse sharing how her slightly slutty alter-ego “Cha-Cha” is really helping her through this trying time. Because, “you gotta have a pole name.” Words to live by.
Everybody is getting ready for the Casino Royale party. Juan Dixon is shown being fitted for a custom suit, but he suspiciously never actually makes it to the event. Robyn claims he had a last-minute “wardrobe malfunction” which is fishier than the neptune station. The party starts off slow and sloppy and everybody throws polite shade about how Katie sucks. We are introduced to the new housewife, Monique Samuels, and her retired NFL husband Chris. My first impression is that Monique is everything I want in a housewife: pretty, sassy and actually rich, not just pretending for the cameras. Speaking of pretending, Gizelle comes late and makes a big deal about avoiding Charrisse. So boring.
Then, we are treated to the real highlight of the evening: an a-capella tribute to the Jackson Five performed by a bizarre trio wearing hideous Goodwill bell-bottoms I can only assume are supposed to pass for fun 1970s outfits. The singing is mediocre and it’s fun to watch people pretend to like it. The connection between these weird performers and the charity is overtly missing, which I can only assume was a gift from the TV gods an editing mistake. It’s deliciously ridiculous. Think Vicki and Shannon drunkenly dancing an irish jig.
At the casino event, Monique, Robyn and Charrisse make plans to work out together and Karen invites Robyn over to talk about the Gizelle/Charrisse situation. Good for Robyn for dominating the episode. She’s not entirely annoying and has good style. In contrast, Karen is inexplicably rocking a floppy tan hat indoors the day Robyn comes over. She’s also muttering under her breath about how she needs her husband to help her open a plastic container. Eye roll. They decide to play pool while they “strategize” (Karen’s word). Karen baits Robyn into talking about how Gizelle is more at fault than Charrisse. Then she acts shocked that Robyn would blatantly state facts (gasp, facts!) and files it away under her giant hat to throw back at Robyn later. Karen plans to get all the ladies together for a formal tea to settle their differences.That should be fun.
Ashley and Michael are celebrating their second wedding anniversary with homemade smoothies and awkward conversation. Ashley wants a baby and Michael insists that they have a verbal contract that the restaurant (which he is sabotaging by insisting on serving emu and camel) has to break even before they procreate. It seems the shine of his trophy wife has worn off and he’s realizing he doesn’t want more kids because he’s old.
Meanwhile, Robyn meets Monique and Charrisse for a barre workout. Monique brings her assistant and some cocktails because that’s how she rolls apparently. Monique doesn’t even break a sweat, talking about how her 9,000 square foot house isn’t big enough for her family of four and I’m getting a little bit of a Dorit vibe, but not enough to hate her yet.
Everybody arrives at Karen’s high tea wearing too many accessories and Gizelle immediately starts trying to tear Monique apart for being younger, hotter and richer. Monique responds by being fabulous and freestyle rapping. She can actually flow. Watch out Cha-Cha, there’s another MC in DC! The action shifts to Charrisse and Gizelle and in a shocking turn of events, Gizelle completely admits fault and apologizes. Thank gawd because I already forgot to care why they were arguing.
Karen isn’t willing to let her tea party pass without a heaping spoonful of drama, so she decides to call Robyn out for talking behind Gizelle’s back at the pool/strategy session. Her attempt falls flat. Later, on WWHL, Gizelle calls Karen out on being “extra messy” and for once, I agree with Gizelle about something.
Brilliant recap!!!! And I love “Karen and her mole” that had me laughing out loud
Karen is giving me life this season
I’m struggling with this show after two episodes. The arguments are meaningless and forced, the boredom is written all over their faces (even Gizelle couldn’t be bothered to pretend she was mad), and I don’t think any of them have got two cents to rub together.
The most likeable people on the cast are Robyn (who drives a Nissan, so aspirational….) and Ashley (who should consider her fortunate if she skates from her dead marriage without having to pay her share of the debt for that failed dunghole of a restaurant). I could see myself being friends with both of them, but they’re not really worthy of reality TV. Their problems are very mundane, not glamorous, and not deep enough to be dramatic. Snooze.
By contrast, Katie – who Robyn said on Twitter opted to leave after filming for a couple of weeks, so I guess that’s why her charity event was still shown – was at least compelling in her insanity. I didn’t exactly like her, but it was at least hilarious to watch last season as she begged that big tall gay dude to marry her.
Last week someone commented that this show feels like a knock off of a Housewives show and I agree. They are trying WAY too hard because this show is their bread and butter and that’s why I hate when Bravo pulls a cast of broke people together who then have to try and convince viewers that they are wealthy with fabulous lives.
Peek a boo K and Dorit are doing a better job with their farce on RHOBH so maybe they can give these ladies some lessons. Gizelle and Karen need to sit at the front of that classroom, LOL.
LOL! They really need a class. And while they’re at the Learning Annex, Karen should also sign up for the “How To Glue My Wig On So It Doesn’t Slide Up My Forehead” seminar.
LOL amen! Karen does too much bragging about Dr Black Bill Gate’s money to not be able to make a visit to weaveologist(I think I made that word up) that can fix that atrocity on her head!
Thanks for the recap. Glad to see I missed NOTHING as I am sure your recap is better than the actual episode. BTW, you are so right (Karen and her mole). That thing should have it’s own instagram!!
Why is Michael sabotaging Oz?? I’m so confused. A blind man can see that place is empty. Wouldn’t be at least trust some of Ashley’s ideas and suggestions? Very weird because he is successful.
Robyn and Ashley make this show watchable for me. Robyn owns it and I could care less what zip code she resides in gurl ain’t fake like the others
Ashley still has the pixie dust dreams without the years that wisdom crushes. I say more of them and please less of Karen.
Did Katie do something to piss off production? I feel like in Housewive World, making an event look bad is very deliberate. I mean if they can stage Sher-he’s house to make it look almost finished, and pretend Tom and Katies teddy-bears-tea-party-in-the-woods-wedding cost 50k, they could have at least put some Bravo money up for some better decor and some extras. They WANTED her to look like a failure.
Geez, I can’t even remember the episode. Guess that says it all. Lol.
For some strange reason I was hyped to tune in to Potomac on Sunday and I could not figure out why.
I watched the whole episode just waiting for something to happen and it never really did.
Then I had to ask myself, “Why in the hell was I so excited for this?”.
Then I remembered, I was still geeked over Becky’s review from last week’s episode and I think my mind tricked me into thinking I was actually excited about the show. I quickly realized I was wrong. I think I am going to officially check out of “Potato Mac” and just get my life from Becky’s reviews.
And once again Becky, you did not disappoint! Keep it up!
I miss Katie! Crazy foundation event or not-I really liked her story -not storyline-
And I’m sad she’s not going to be on the show.
I really want to like this show. The idea of a successful affluent family of color that have years of marriage and good kids, then the May December romance between the biracial couple throw in a hot single lady, a divorce and a non traditional relationship. What else could the heart want in a show. But I guess what it seems is that wig pulling and fighting is more entertaining. I don’t think that’s what I like. But Potomac just seems so Vanilla.
Why do women have to have freshly washed hair in order for it to be curled? That is just so odd to me given the fact that I like most Black women only wash my hair once a week. Do I only get to style it on wash day when wear a hate until the next time I wash it? Sheesh!
He actually ordered a “PILL Cosby” and I howled…hilarious.
The blossoms having already fallen can’t bear fruit yet leaves us the pits.
I also love coming home from vacation to shows waiting for me…
Your recaps are awesome! I would love to know the tea on Karen. She seems so fake! I also love Robyn anf Ashley. Charieese seems nuts oike Ramona nuts…perhaps they share a simular prescription? Anyway, thanks again!
Katie acted and looked off to me . Plus she’s REALLY thin… idk
Well, it does snow a lot in that area.
Karen has such a snotty attitude and presents herself as such an authority on manners yet shows up looking a hot mess in sloppy looking slacks at her high tea.
High Tea my ass. Why there were wet umbrellas on the floor, next to the table? Shouldn’t high-end hotel take care of them?
Karen is stirring the pot – she obviously needs the paycheck this season.
Am I the only person that thinks Karen’s home is extremely bare and needing some decor? This makes no sense for someone who has owned the home a long time and is Bill Gates rich.
Why is the black Bill Gates missing teeth? Money must be an issue if Karen & her husband cannot afford to replace tooth #17.
I like this show! Maybe because their “storylines” aren’t elaborate or constructed and they aren’t too dramatic. I just like seeing them interact with their families and the local community.
I like Charisse because she seems like a low key high roller
I like Ashley because she seems to enjoy her life with her husband- I love that she says hang ten!
And Robyn because she’s someone I’d know or be related to-
And Monique because she’s confident without being demeaning
The others put on “airs” and that’s boring.
I can’t stand the other franchises though – probably for the very reasons they are well liked!